Place: Burger King
Lunch: Whopper (no tomato), onion rings (with zesty sauce), Dr. Pepper
I give Smiling Counter Girl my order. She shouts to the back "WHOPPERRRRR!"
Me: "Did you tell them 'no tomato'?
She gives me a genuine "oh noes!" look. "NO TOMATOOOOOOH!"
The order is ready before I've even finished getting my drink, and I'm the only customer in the building, so you know it was assembled out of stuff sitting around for who knows how long. The fries look cold. Wait...I didn't order fries.
"I asked for onion rings."
Smiling Counter Girl: "Oh...you did?"
She takes the fries, puts them under the warming light for the next customer, and immediately produces onion rings.
Somehow, the food's okay anyway.
Yesterday was a work travel day. Three and a half hours out, an hour of nonsense, three and a half hours back. It's a living.
On the way back, I was feeling REALLY hungry, and I had a specific craving. I wanted a hot dog.
Simple enough, right?
RIGHT?
Kum & Go (Mile 267) - I pull off the interstate and head to the ginormous fabulously modern Kum & Go that you can see coming for miles. I go inside and head for...well, the bathroom first, but...the roller grill.
No hot dogs.
They have smokey links, cheddar brats, jalapeno brats, and a variety of taquitos.
But the sign that says "Hot Dogs" has nothing in front of it.
The good news? They have $.69 32-ounce fountain sodas. Off I go with a freshly drawn Pepsi.
Casey's (Mile 240) - Yay! Hot dogs! But why do they look like they're covered in sludge? Oh...because they're practically frozen. These were JUST put on the grill.
Tanger Factory Outlets (Mile 220) - 55 stores and not one sells hot dogs. But that's okay. I really stopped here to find a spatula.
Ever since that McDonald's commercial with the jealous spatula (aka "hamburger flipper" for spatula purists who only believe a spatula is a flat utensil used for smoothing frosting on cakes) started airing, I've wanted a really nice new spatula. I'm sure that wasn't the thing McDonald's was going for when they made that ad, but that's what happened with me. I want to replace my crappy black plastic flipper with a nice spatula with a stainless steel body and a black woodish-knife-like handle. But I haven't been able to find one anywhere except Williams-Sonoma, who had EXACTLY what I was looking for...for FORTY SIX DOLLARS. Jeepers. Declined on principle.
So I go into Le Gourmet Chef...no.
So I go into Corning-Revere...no.
So I go into Kitchen Collection...and they had something called an "oversized cookie spatula". It had the black handle. It was heavy duty stainless steel. But the flipper end had a massive oval shape. Price? $9.99.
SO bought it.
I still want a normal shaped one too, though.
Smiling Counter Girl tried to get me to buy a skillet. "You get free tongs with it!" she exclaimed, snapping the tongs at me. I passed. "But this is our last set of free tongs! Until we unload the truck!"
Then I saw the Reebok store sign and remembered I'd been thinking about getting new shoes. Reebok's ZigTech shoes, specifically. Because if Peyton Manning is your spokesman, I'm totally buying it.
ZigTechs are supposed to be these modern shoes full of technology that, more or less, make you walk funny. Given their obnoxious style, they also make you look funny. They had ZigTechs-a-plenty. A couple of styles were on clearance, saving $20-$30 over the usual $99.99 price. Only one of the styles on clearance was available in my size, of course. (12, if you were wondering.) And those were the ones with the obnoxious yellow soles. Bought 'em anyway. Nervous Counter Girl looked and acted like she thought she recognized me from America's Most Wanted or something. No idea why, but I'm pretty sure she thought she was gonna die.
bp (Mile 220) - On the way out of the factory outlets, I made my third attempt to get a hot dog. This store didn't even HAVE a roller grill, let alone hot dogs. Really? What's the point in owning a convenience store if you're not going to have a totally boss roller grill to show off to your friends? Actually, they also didn't have employees. There wasn't a soul in here. There was no noise in the back either. Maybe the Reebok girl called ahead and told these people to run for their lives.
Kwik Star (Mile 201) - What's THIS? HOT DOGS! Jumbo hot dogs! FINALLY!
I dress a bun, drop a hot dog in, and pay.
I finally have my hot dog...and it's not very good.
In fact, it's crap.
I eat like two bites and toss it.
Oh well. Craving's gone.
