Monday, December 15, 2014


Place: Burger King
Lunch: Yumbo (no lettuce), Four Cheese Whopper (no lettuce, no tomato), Coke

Have you seen the BK ad for the Yumbo?  They have a made up BK with a very seventies vibe, employees in seventies uniforms, and customers in seventies hairdos, freaking out random customers who show up and aren't in on the joke.  All of it attempts to point back to the time of the legendary Yumbo sandwich, with its lettuce and Black Forest ham.

Except...was "Black Forest ham" even a thing in the seventies?  Was the Yumbo even a thing?  Because I have no recollection of it whatsoever.

Some friendly internet research indicates it did indeed exist.  But the original was simply ham and cheese (two slices) on a hamburger bun.  Nothing about "Black Forest" ham and no vegetables.  It was essentially a Hardee's Hot Ham and Cheese.  This version is NOT a Hardee's Hot Ham and Cheese.  It's an okay ham sandwich on the hoagie roll used for the chicken sandwich.  It also has mayo.  It could use pickle.  It's on the 2 for $5 mix-and-match menu, but if you just buy one, it's $3.89.  You have been warned.

The other new thing BK is throwing at us is the "Four Cheese Whopper".  The "four cheeses" are a slice of American, cheddar sauce, and a "creamy three cheese blend".  Which either really makes it a three cheese Whopper or a five cheese Whopper by my count.  I don't know, I flunked algebra.  Twice.  The "three cheese blend" is some shredded yellow cheeses.  Maybe one of those cheeses is cheddar, therefore they only count cheddar once, making four different types of cheese total.  In any case, it tastes really cheesy.

As a standalone sandwich, the Four Cheese Whopper is $4.79.  So between the Yumbo, Whopper, a medium soda, and tax, I managed to spend $11.52 on mediocre fast food assembled from pre-cooked warmed over ingredients.

Not a winning combination by anyone's standards.

Thursday, December 04, 2014


Place: Dickey's Barbecue Pit
Lunch: Three Meat Plate (chicken, Polish sausage, spicy cheddar sausage, barbecue honey ham), mac and cheese, barbecue beans, soft serve ice cream cone, Coke

On the rare occasion I pop into a Dickey's...a fast food format barbecue first question is "What are you out of today?"  Because they're always out of up to half the meats.

Me: "What are you out of today?"

Girl:  "What do we have today?  We have a special on pulled pork, and..."

Me: "No no no, that's not what I asked.  What meats are you OUT of today?"

Girl:  "Oh!  Uh..."

Guy: "We're not out of anything."

Me:  "Really?  That's the first time that's ever happened to me at a Dickey's."

Everybody laughs.

The trick must be to come in early for lunch.  Dickey's smokes meats at each location daily.  I may have always come in at dinner, so maybe when they run out of the daily allotment, that's it.  Still, what other fast food chain has ever been able to get away with having up to half their menu not available during normal operating hours, let alone four hours before the place closes?  You're throwing money away, Dickey's.

So I take advantage to try the chicken and ham, which they're always out of.  And I get my usual Polish sausage, which is my Dickey's favorite.  Naturally, they give me the spicy cheddar sausage instead and I complain, thus why my Three Meat Plate is in fact a Three Meat Plate with Bonus Fourth Meat in a Side cup.  Ever see that episode of "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" where they're at a barbecue place and she tries to order meat as a side?  "WHY CAN'T I HAVE MEAT AS A SIDE?"  I just fulfilled your wildest dream, Honey Boo Boo.

The spicy cheddar sausage is actually pretty good too.  You could go with a Two Meat Plate and get both sausages and be all sausage happy.

The chicken and ham are disappointments.  They don't give you a quarter chicken piece like a real barbecue restaurant would.  They give you slices of chicken breast that have an artificially smoky flavor to them.

Among the sides (you get two with your meat plate), their mac and cheese is a highlight.  Not sure why, but it's really good.

Dickey's also has proper pebble ice and free soft serve ice cream cones, practices I highly approve of.

My longest vacation of the year is winding down.  Got around to all the Christmas light displays I usually go to.  Caught up on movies.  Went to a concert.  Ate all the food.  Replaced the coat I left in Vegas.

Really nothing left to do but go home.