Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Now THAT'S Cheesy!

Place: Burger King
Whopper with stale bun (no tomato), onion rings, 4 chicken tenders shaped like either chicken feet or a crown...I'm not sure..., Dr. Pepper

I was watching some quality television drama (professional wrestling) when a Burger King ad came on touting their double cheeseburger. The ad bragged that it had...I think it was 30 percent more beef than McDonald's double cheeseburger.

"Gee. I haven't had a regular double cheeseburger at Burger King in years. I should try one tomorrow," I said.

Chester, my big orange tabby cat, gave me that "I don't like it when you talk aloud to yourself like that" look.

It makes him nervous, you see.

So I get here and look at the menu. You know what else is bigger about Burger King's double cheeseburger? The price. $2.60. 160 percent higher than its McDonald's counterpart, a longtime staple of the dollar menu.

I went with a Whopper combo instead. And some chicken tenders. I'm not sure why I ordered those instead of chicken fries. Chicken fries are awesome.

So here I sit with my Whopper. This stupid sucky dry Whopper with its crusty stale bun.

Shoulda gone to Hardee's.

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Run for the Cheese!

Place: Five Guys Famous Burgers & Fries
Lunch: Small hamburger, bacon cheese dog, fries, Pibb XTRA

The local presidential caucuses are today. Commercials have flooded the airwaves for the past several months. "Caucus for me! Caucus for me! Me me me me me!" Then there's the "Don't caucus for that guy! Or that Hillary lady! Me me me me me!" Not to mention all the pre-recorded messages from politicians that pollute my answering machine on a daily basis.

Shut up.

What I wouldn't give to see a Hardee's commercial right now.

I hate politics. I hate politicians. I also hate the health care system and most vegetables. And "Independence Day". What an unbelievably stupid movie.

So being the great American that I am, I got the heck outta Dodge and ran to Wisconsin, a safe haven for all who love cheese. Who DOESN'T love cheese. Probably those who are lactose intolerant. Losers.

Later today, I will be shopping at Woodman's Market, the mecca of all grocery stores. Woodman's has a dozen or so locations in Wisconsin and Illinois. They are freaking huge monstrosities that sell a much larger variety of items than your typical supermarket. For example, the space your supermarket devotes to Mexican food is about the size of space Woodman's devotes just to Old El Paso stuff. Then they have an Ortega section. And a La Preferida section. And a La Victoria section.
And a Goya section. Who knew Goya made so much different stuff. Who knew Goya made FROZEN stuff.

It's like this all over the store. They're the only chain I know of to carry Tree Top juice east of the Mountain time zone, and they carry the whole line.
They have a whole aisle of odd international foods. Don't even get me started on the frozen pizza selection. Woodman's itself may be the cheese and summer sausage capital of the world.

It's a fascinating place to shop, and one of the cheapest.

If I overheard a manager (talking to a customer) correctly, they'll try and order pretty much anything you want that they don't carry too.

I'll bet when I get home, I'll have 57 pre-recorded messages from Bill Richardson on my answering machine begging me to caucus.

Nice guy, that Bill Richardson.

Shame he's a politician.