Monday, November 19, 2018

The Last Straw

Place: McDonald's
Lunch: McRib, fries, Coke

Remember that time I told you about the area's ugliest McDonald's?  That's this one.  But it's getting an exterior remodel and will look like any modern McDonald's when finished.  The interior, which has the recent brown-brown-beige-brown-off brown-brown-brown-brown interior, apparently will remain...brown.

America is at war.

War with the plastic straw.

Not all of America, of course.  It's the latest environmental fad.  Because we don't need straws.  You can just drink from the cup.  We're filling the oceans with waste straws and it's KILLING EVERYTHING YOU FAT SELFISH CAPITALIST BASTARDS!!!!!!!!!

We're not, really.  According to National Geographic, eight million tons of plastic flow into the ocean every year.  Straws comprise just 0.025 percent of that.  But it's said this is the first step in trying to eliminate single-use plastics.  And yet it's the one single-use plastic I can think of in the restaurant industry that will anger more customers than anything else.  Not that this matters to the radical environmentalists, who found a bandwagon people will actually jump on, so who cares about common sense.  They've even gotten some municipalities to go as far as to ban plastic straws.

There are better ways to reduce.  I for one have stopped using cup lids when dining in.  If I refill the drink for the road, I just fill it a little less.  It rides in my cupholder just fine.  But sipping said cup while in motion from the rim?  No.  A straw is far safer.  You're not obscuring your view from the road with your cup.

And about those cups...why do they need to be plastic?  We did just fine with wax cups for years.  Why not go back to those?  You can't even throw them in the recycle bin, at least at my home.

But leave my freaking straw alone.

The best straws are those found at McDonald's and at Whataburger.  Very solid quality straws.  Just the right width.  From what I can tell, they're physically identical, only differentiated by stripe color (red and yellow at McD's, orange at Whataburger.)  I sometimes grab a few extra so I can have spares in the car in case I end up with a milkshake from a place with inferior straws.

There's also reusable straws,  I have a few made of aluminum that were branded and sold at convenience stores.  Use it, rinse it out, stick it in your purse or up your butt, pull it out at the next restaurant.

Think drinking from a straw that was up your butt will make your drink taste like ass?  Try a paper straw, which is being offered as an alternative.  That's even worse.

Until common sense prevails, if any McDonald's or Whataburger store is finding themselves in need of getting rid of their straw supply, I'll happily take a box off your hands.

Look at what you've done, America.  You've created a straw hoarder.