Place: White Castle
Lunch: Six sliders, Original Shrimp Nibblers (with cocktail sauce), Coke
They're "original" Shrimp Nibblers because they now also have Sriracha Shrimp Nibblers. Can we get over the Sriracha fad already? GOSH.
Hey! What say we head down to the convention center and get high on that new car smell. It's Auto Show time, and the cars are as deep as a Minnesota accent.
Alfa Romeo
Giulia - It's a sedan that is beautiful and fast. There's one with a 2 litre 4 cylinder that somehow makes 295hp, or get the Giulia Quadrifoglio twin turbo V6 with 505hp. Forget the engine, that awesome name is worth the extra cash.
Audi
Q7 - Audi should call this the QE7 and make joking comparisons to the Queen Elizabeth cruise ship. This all-new second generation luxo-barge is lower, leaner, and far more tech heavy with added driver assists. A blind person could probably drive this thing.
Buick
Cascada - GM's European division Opel has a convertible called Cascada, and apparently this is it. So when a preview vehicle was at this auto show last year and I noticed the guy walking by exclaiming "Wow! That's a Buick?", the correct answer would have been "No, it's a rebadged Opel." And I can't recall any rebadged Opels that have had success in the US in recent (and by recent, I mean 30) years.
Encore - Buick's hottest seller and arguably the vehicle that started the whole subcompact crossover movement gets a "Sport Touring" model with snazzier wheels, a spoiler, and a peppier engine. Not TOO peppy, it's a turbo four-banger, but probably enough for Buick buyers while the rest of us roll our eyes. I sat in the back seat of an Encore on the show floor and it was surprisingly comfortable.
Envision - Buick had a Equinox-size hole in their SUV lineup that will be plugged with this China-built crossover this summer as a 2017 model. Envision has already been on sale in China for awhile and has been a huge hit there. They had one on a turntable here and it's easily the best looking GM SUV out there. Remember when Buick was the 'car' side of Buick-GMC dealerships? Nobody's buying Buick cars anymore.
LaCrosse - Despite no one buying Buick cars anymore, we have an updated LaCrosse. The new model debuts mid-year as a 2017 model. It's a little lower and a little meaner looking. Buick continues to insist this isn't your grandfather's Buick, which I suppose is technically correct, as my grandfather's Buick was an Electra 225.
Cadillac
XT5 - Now headed by Johan de Nysschen, the guy who renamed the Infiniti lineup into a naming scheme similar to the Jollibee combo menu, Cadillac is now doing the same, but they're phasing the names in with replacement models. The XT5 replaces the SRX. It's all new but not unrecognizable. It has a bigger grille, smaller lights, and it appears a much improved interior, though I'm probably going to still hate the touch-screen infotainment system. In the initial images Cadillac released of it, the women were glancing at it, and the men were ignoring it, which is unintentionally hilarious.
Chevrolet
Camaro - All new for 2016, in fact far newer than the naked eye might initially interpret. It shares a smaller platform with the Cadillac ATS Coupe, it's lighter, and has a new four-cylinder engine option. But don't freak out, you can still get a V6 or V8...the Corvette's V8, specifically. I would own one tomorrow as a second car if I could afford it and justify owning two cars. While I was sitting in one running though the manual transmission gears, four giddy guys started yelling at me. "ISN'T IT COOL? IT'S SO AWESOME! HARD TO GET OUT OF THOUGH!" Yeah, shut up.
Cruze - All new for 2016. Has a Corolla-ish look up front. Has a cheap Korean look from the rear. From either angle, it's not exactly going to stand out, aside from people staring at the name badge and wondering why Chevy can't spell "Cruise". I drove the previous generation 2015 around Seattle this summer and found it a surprisingly nimble and capable toss-around-towner, which was especially appreciated navigating downtown with its heavy pedestrian and bicycle traffic and its often cramped parking garages.
Trax - I guess I wasn't the only one who thought Trax looked odd up front. A new look front end is coming this Fall for 2017 and it looks waaay better.
Malibu - That fake focus group TV ad where the group members are willing to pay upwards of $80,000 for this while comparing it to every luxury brand that isn't Cadillac is the second dumbest car ad on TV (behind the Toyota Prius police chase ad).
Volt - Chevy's plug-in hybrid is all-new. More efficient and less goofy looking. Those can't be bad things, though the whole "plug-in hybrid" idea still seems silly to me. If I'm going electric, I'm going FULL electric. A pure electric for beating around town sitting next to my road trip gas hog inside my garage isn't out of the realm of possibility.
Chrysler
Pacifica - The alleged "inventor of the minivan" (because the VW Type 2 was apparently something else) retires the Town & Country name in favor of reviving a brand that they used briefly on a tall station wagon? What?
Fiat
124 Spider - FINALLY Fiat markets something here that isn't called 500. It's a two-seat convertible that will immediately make you think of the Mazda Miata. And there's a reason for that...it IS a Miata. Sort of. Fiat and Mazda conspired together on the platform, but the Fiat has its own sheet metal and motor...the Abarth motor, specifically. They didn't have one here. In fact the only 500x they bothered to bring was on a turntable and not accessible, even though the thing has been available at dealerships since last Summer.
Ford
Escape - Escape is getting a new Edge-like front end for the 2017 model year, which I had no idea was coming until I saw it here. Holy CRAP it looks better.
Explorer - Exploder gets a style refresh, suspension tweaks, and an optional EcoTec 4-banger. Yay?
Flex - Ford's coolest vehicle...and worst seller...continues on unchanged. I read an article somewhere explaining why it continues on and it basically comes down to being cheap to continue since development costs are long paid for and it does well in surfer markets, or something. I was reading consumer reviews on this thing and they were almost universal..."We went in looking at Edge and the sales reip insisted we test drive the Flex, which we had no intention of buying. But we loved it and took it home." So apparently the trick is to get people to drive it. So go drive it, people. Cool cars like this deserve more homes. If I had to own a Ford, it would be Flex.
Genesis
So remember last year when I made fun of Luxury Lane for having a Hyundai Genesis in it? Well, Hyundai is spinning off Genesis into its own luxury brand, complete with a logo that totally rips off Bentley. There apparently won't be standalone dealerships, at least yet...cars will be sold in designated space at Hyundai dealerships (think the Magnolia store-within-a-store deal at Best Buy), but there will be additional Genesis models in the next few years.
Infiniti
Infiniti not only didn't bother with a display, their entire existence was a Q70L in Luxury Lane. And it was LOCKED. Alfa Romeo had more cars here. BENTLEY had more cars here.
Q30 - What??? Something NEW??? Sort of. This is a Mercedes parts bin partnership hot hatch. It has Infiniti style, but is largely Mercedes A-class underneath with a co-developed 2-liter turbo four. The US model will also not have all wheel drive. And it'll probably be way more expensive than anything youthful hot hatch buyers in the US would be willing to spend. In other words, nobody in the US will want this. But what if they made it taller and gave it all wheel drive? Well...
QX30 - Behold, this is the answer. It's the Q30 but two inches taller and with all wheel drive. You're welcome, America.
Q50 - That 2.0 4-banger from the Q30 will also be available in the Q50, as will a new 300hp twin turbo. A 400hp twin turbo will be in a sport edition. I am keenly interested in this motor.
Q60 - The coupe finally returns looking more conservative than last year's concept with the same engine options as the Q50. Nobody is ever going to buy that four-banger in this car. NOBODY.
QX50 - The horrible selling former EX (sold, believe it or not, as the Nissan Skyline Crossover in Japan) gets stretched to give back seat riders leg room and a style refresh with literally none of the new tech introduced in the Q50 two years ago.
QX60 - Infiniti's bread-and-butter people hauler gets a style refresh that gives it a more Q50-ish front end.
Kia
Optima - Despite the fact it doesn't look THAT different from the 2015 Optima, this is an all-new model with a new chassis and engine. I drove the previous generation as a rental last year and found it surprisingly peppy, though the one time I pushed it in a last-second brake-and-turn, the wheels locked up and skidded straight forward instead of turning, and the whole front end felt like it was going to collapse. (Side note to UNLV, sorry for skid-marking your pavement.)
Sportage - Wow. I am NOT a fan of this new front end. It's like it was designed for a taller vehicle. There's just too much grille, too much fog light, and squinty headlights. It's almost like the inspiration was Nick Offerman's face.
Mercedes
GLE Coupe - The name makes perfect sense because it's a four-door SUV. Uh, what? I had to explain to a guy sitting in it how to adjust the seats. At least he didn't have to figure it out on the fly while driving the Banfield Highway in the rain.
Mitsubishi
Yes, they still sell cars here. No, I don't blame you for not noticing. Mitsubishi is closing their North American plant in Normal, IL soon. The plant once produced 220,000 cars a year. Same plant produced fewer than 70,000 vehicles in 2014. Still, sales are improving. Mitsubishi sold nearly 100,000 cars here in 2015 vs 64,000 in 2014.
Mirage - The 2017 Mirage gets a style refresh and some tech updates but is otherwise still the most basic of basic transportation.
Outlander - Outlander gets a style refresh that looks like a lot more than it is, which is to say it looks quite a bit different but is basically the same motors and platform. It does have an improved CVT and better sound insulation.
Outlander Sport - Outlander Sport also gets a style refresh. New hairdos for everyone!
Nissan
Altima - Altima gets a style refresh that certainly looks cleaner and sharper up front. You can get a sporty model (SR) too. Doesn't get you a manual tranny, but it does get you paddle shifters.
Armada - Nissan's biggest SUV, which shares a truck frame with the Infiniti QX80 and the non-US market Nissan Patrol, basically looks like those two vehicles from the windshield back but with a Nissan USA front end. Seats eight and has a V8 with heavy towing capacity. If you thought the only competition for Chevy's Suburban was GM's other essentially rebadged Suburbans, Armada proves you wrong.
Leaf - Same goofy looking all-electric, but it gets a bigger battery this year to extend mileage. The next-gen coming in a year or two should have a MAJOR range bump. The thing about Leaf is that resale value has been horrible, which means if you're intrigued by a pure electric but have held back due to price, there are some perfectly good late model examples out there for DIRT CHEAP. The Auto Show had a room dedicated to electric vehicles and some radical hippies were staffed there to answer questions about the general technology One of these guys seemed to get upset when I didn't express that much interest in them. When I explained how many highway miles I drive made the current range of these cars impractical to me, he seemed less suicidal.
Sentra - Sentra gets a style refresh to better match Nissan's modern look, as well as suspension and interior improvements. I drove a 2015 rental just last week and really had no complaints about the interior, but while perfectly capable, the suspension, brakes, engine, and CVT screamed "cheap transportation". Which, to be fair, it is. You could get one equipped like my rental for under $20k. And that'll still get you push-button start, an infotainment display, rear-view camera, and USB iPhone and Bluetooth audio connectivity.
Titan - Nissan's big pickup is all new. That's nice.
Scion
SAYANORA SUCKAZ! The Scion brand is done with the 2016 model year. You'll still be able to buy the existing models, but they'll be branded as Toyotas. Toyota's "youth" division used to make some cool quirky cars that you could cheaply customize in neat ways. In the end, they were mostly offering re-branded models from other manufacturers. Scion's dealership network was literally 100 percent within existing Toyota dealerships, so aside from the nameplate on the cars, there's nothing different here.
Tesla
Model X - Tesla's SUV certainly sounds snazzy with its falcon doors and electronic rear seats, but there isn't one here, so...
Toyota
Prius - Stinky Prius moves to the next generation with a new look that is even weirder than before. From some front angles, the thing almost reminds you of the Batmobile. From most angles, it's almost Pontiac Aztek ugly. It 's as slow as ever, but Prius buyers aren't interested in speed. They're interested in gas mileage, and they get it. This thing gets 30 mpg better than my car does around town. It's said to handle way better than the previous model and the weird dash display has improved screens. This is apparently Seattle's favorite car, based on my trip there last Summer. I about lost my voice shouting "STINKY PRIUS!". Even the taxi cabs were Prii.
Volkswagen
I was a longtime VW guy who became increasingly frustrated with their continuous missteps, quality issues, and arrogant ignorance of the US market over the years before finally giving up on them and moving on to Nissan/Infiniti, but even I couldn't have seen the "Dieselgate" debacle coming. This is a new low for the industry, even if they didn't put lives in danger.
Beetle - They had a "Dune" edition here with a brownish mustardish metallic paint job. Cool.
eGolf - Wow. They had an eGolf here. Available in very limited markets, one of the local dealerships snagged a used 2015 model and brought it to the show. It's for sale too.
Passat - Passat gets a style refresh that keeps it looking...fresh, I guess. Not exactly revolutionary. But nice for the price. It has a little analog clock on the dash. As you might imagine, there won't be a diesel option anymore.
