Apple of My Eye

Place: Taco Bueno
Lunch: Big Freaking Taco (no tomato), Mucho Nachos (no tomato), ice water

Since emerging from bankruptcy under new ownership, the rallying cry to Taco Bueno from Buenoheads has been universal on social media...

“FOR THE LOVE OF GOD BRING BACK THE OLD RECIPES!!!”

Fans would argue Bueno’s problems started when they changed their queso.  It apparently led to a sharp (some say 30 percent) drop in sales.  That along with a narrow and precarious financial position (lots of debt) is said to have broken the chain.  Things only got worse as they changed other recipes and even I got to the point where I couldn’t eat that crap.

So fans reacted with precautionary joy recently when Taco Bueno announced they were back to the old recipes, including the queso.  And I’m here to tell you that this was the best meal I’ve had at Bueno in a couple of years.  And that made me very happy.

It's October, my favorite month of the year.  The fall colors arrive, the air is crisp, and so are the apples.  It's apple season, and I tend to embrace it.

But does that mean actual apples?  Or apple flavored stuff?  Well, both really.  I tend to have a supply of Fuji apples on hand.  Good flavor, not too crisp, not too soft.  Reasonably priced.  I used to occasionally get Honey Crisp, but they're a little too crisp for me and quite expensive.

I have fond memories, as do most Portlanders, of the caramel apples at Morrow's Nut House in Lloyd Center.  Made right there in front of you.  Very popular treat.  People still talk fondly about those on the Portland groups.  Morrow's had other locations too, but everybody ties their memories to Lloyd Center.

The newer bigger Aldi stores have a snack pack with apple slices and caramel to dip them in.  Doesn't get much easier than that.  Or cheaper.

There's always apple cider and apple juice.  Everfresh even put out a line of different apple juice flavors based on specific apples.  Fuji, Honey Crisp, Golden Delicious, Granny Smith, McIntosh, and Pink Lady are all available options.  Tree Top has a Honey Crisp in their Pure Pressed line.  I've had the Everfresh Honey Crisp and loved it.

My all-time favorite milkshake is Steak n Shake's Caramel Apple Milkshake.  The milkshake itself is apple flavored with hot caramel infused in it.  It's just amazing.

Have you ever tried Popeyes Cinnamon Apple Pie?  It's actually fried like McDonald's used to do, and it's rolled in cinnamon and sugar.  Heaven.  They gave me one as an apology for a delayed order (my local Popeyes tends to throw free food at any problem...sometimes a completely ridiculous amount of it) and I've been addicted ever since.

There's even the occasional candy.  Cow Tales has a caramel apple flavored version that really does taste very caramel appley.

Enjoy October.

And the apples.

Taco Hell

Place: Taco Bell
Lunch: Beef Toasted Cheddar Chalupa (extra meat, light lettuce, no tomato), Nachos Supreme (no tomato, add red sauce), Crunchy Taco (extra meat...ha ha ha ha ha), Pepsi

Oh hey look.  Taco Bell has a new mutant menu item.  They've taken the chalupa and baked some sort of cheese substance into the shell.   Might as well try it, I guess.

I pull into the Taco Bell parking lot and whip out my phone to place the order on the app.  Taco Bell used to have a great app.  Then they switched vendors and made you download a new app and it sucks harder than a Dyson vaccuum cleaner.  It's just awful, and every bad quirk about it is on display today.

First off, it's forgotten who I am.  I have to login again.  This happens roughly 4 out of 5 times I try to use it.  This never happened with the original app.  It never happens with the McDonald's app.  Just this piece of crap.

I login and choose my nachos and taco from my stored favorites.  Then I go to add Pintos & Cheese.  You know, the little bowl of beans with cheese and red sauce?  Guess what...it's NO LONGER AVAILABLE.  WHAT???  There's NOTHING to this that is special to this item.  There's literally NO REASON to not offer it.  Unless they got too cheap to stock the little bowls, I suppose.  Cheap bastards.

I finish the order and the app thanks me and says "We'll see you soon" or something.  Then it shows the address of the store it sent the order to.  Guess what?  It ISN'T THIS STORE.  The app, which normally uses GPS to figure out where you are and assign you to the closest store (you know, like the one I'm sitting in the parking lot of)  sent the order to a store 11 miles away.

You have GOT to be kidding me.

20 minutes later, I'm at the other store picking up my food, which is packed to go because Taco Bell can't even be bothered with offering a "dine in" option on the app.

If people could get prison sentences for gross incompetence, I would hope the Taco Bell app team would be serving life sentences.  There's no hope for them to contribute positively to the human race.

Don't you love what Taco Bell considers to be "extra meat" in their crunchy taco?  They charge $2.79 for this.

  As for the Chalupa, it was underwhelming.  Just a new gimmick to grab attention, I guess.

Taco Bell should split itself into two divisions...Taco Bell, and Taco Mutant.  One with a simple menu of classics...regular tacos, nachos  and burritos made with regular corn shells, chips, and flour tortillas, meat, cheese, lettuce, beans, onions, and red sauce...and the Mutant with all their weird oddball crap.

Or I could just move to Taco Casa territory, where they not only keep to the basics, they do them far better than Taco Bell does anyway.