Place: B-Bop's
Lunch: 1/4 lb Single (no tomato), chili, Pepsi
I pull up to the drive-thru speaker. A male voice says "mumble mumble B-Bops mumble mumble."
"I'll have a quarter pound Single, no toma..."
"DO YOU WANT CHEESE ON THAT."
"No. Also no tom..."
"DO YOU WANT THAT IN A COMBO MEAL."
"No. But I want..."
"$3.39 PLEASE PULL FORWARD TO THE WINDOW."
I pause, then shout in a tone completely mocking his "DO YOU THINK I COULD ALSO HAVE A SMALL CHILI AND A PEPSI WITH THAT."
He pauses, then says (not shouts) "I'll have your total at the window."
He didn't Some girl did. Coward.
It's National Hamburger Day, so I'm having a hamburger.
Not a cheeseburger, mind you. A HAMburger.
Most will probably celebrate National Hamburger Day by having a cheeseburger. And that's just wrong. There's a whole different day for that. But given the way the burger chains do their menus these days, it's a little understandable.
I ranted a little about this last year. I'm ranting more now.
For years, fast food chains had hamburgers on the menu, and the counter help pushed you to add cheese. A slice of crappy American processed cheese would cost you anywhere from 30 to 50 cents at most joints.
(For the record, I would probably say "yes" more if you offered Tillamook cheddar. So Burgerville wins.)
Then somebody came up with the bright idea of making the upgrade mandatory by just listing cheeseburgers on the menu with the upgrade price built-in.
The national chains are mostly on board. Wendy's does this. Hardee's does this. McDonald's does this. Unless you want the very basic cheapo value hamburger, you're buying a cheeseburger.
(Kudos to Burger King, where cheese on your Whopper is still optional.)
I remember fondly the McDonald's Quarter Pounder of my 70's youth. The non-cheeseburger one came in a white Styrofoam clam shell with "QUARTER POUNDER" printed in an olive green color on the exterior. Still probably my favorite sandwich wrapping ever. I think the cheeseburger one came in a yellow clam shell with brown text. Not nearly as nice looking.
You can order your burger without cheese, but in most if not all cases, you're still going to pay the cheeseburger price.
So on this National Hamburger Day, mourn the lowly hamburger.
It deserved better than this.
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Wednesday, May 21, 2014
Bad Lunch
Place: KFC-Taco Bell
Lunch: Doritos Locos Nacho Cheese Taco Supreme (no tomato), Nachos Supreme (no tomato), extra crispy thigh, Mug Root Beer
I had no idea what to do for lunch today. Nothing sounded good.
("So why didn't you just not eat?")
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
So I headed east on the Interstate, which keeps pretty much every option open, and ultimately decided to take a bit of a drive to the east side to the Kentacobell so I could have nachos and a piece of chicken. Because obviously, I'm pregnant.
I pull into the parking lot, which involves a poorly designed left turn onto a narrow fenced path, then a quick narrow right turn. Except I can't turn right, because a big Suburban is blocking the entrance. No idea why, there's nothing in front of it.
So I go down the path to where the exit is and sneak into the parking lot.
Upon exiting the vehicle, I can see the woman driving the Suburban. What's got her stopped? She's TEXTING. But why park and text when you can block the whole freaking entrance, right?
I go inside. There's thirty (exactly, I counted) kids in front of the counter, along with camp counselors (according to their shirts). Where'd these people come from? There's no bus in the parking lot, and they couldn't have all fit in the Suburban. Then I notice the two Trailways buses parked in the neighboring McDonald's parking lot. Some went there, some came here.
Yay.
But most of them appear to have ordered, so I get in line. Shortly, I'm face-to-face with Frowning Counter Girl.
Me: "One Nacho Cheese Doritos Locos Taco Supreme, no tomato..."
Frowning Counter Girl: "We don't put tomato on that."
Me: "Uh, yes you do."
Frowning Counter Girl: "No we don't."
Co-worker behind her: "Actually, we do."
She doesn't really appear to acknowledge him other than to stare down at the register blankly. He reaches over her shoulder to show her how to input no tomato.
Me: "Nachos Supreme, no tomato..."
She inputs the nachos, then stares at the register again. She's already forgotten how to input no tomato.
Me: "Beef Enchrito..."
Frowning Counter Girl: "We don't have Enchritos anymore."
That makes perfect sense, since there's no unique ingredients to an Enchrito. They have everything on hand to make them.
Me: "Extra crispy thigh, and a medium drink."
Frowning Counter Girl mumbles back the order in gibberish. I have no idea what she's saying. I've already conceded defeat and I'm just going to eat whatever I end up with. And it's clear it won't be what I ordered. Most of the kids and camp counselors are at the counter complaining that their food isn't right. Everybody's missing something, or has the wrong thing, or whatever. The bus driver shouts "CHECK YOUR FOOD BECAUSE THEY DID EVERYTHING WRONG!" at the dining room.
Eventually, my number is called. The chicken piece is missing. They fix that pretty quickly. Everything else is actually correct.
The kids eventually clear the dining room as they head back to the bus. Somebody has left behind a personal effect. An employee notices, grabs another employee, and says "Hey, can you do me a favor?"
Other Employee: "No, I don't like you."
He actually appears serious. But he ends up delivering the item to the bus anyway.
Some Guy in the Kitchen: "That was fun! Let's do it again."
Other Employees: "NO!"
Lunch: Doritos Locos Nacho Cheese Taco Supreme (no tomato), Nachos Supreme (no tomato), extra crispy thigh, Mug Root Beer
I had no idea what to do for lunch today. Nothing sounded good.
("So why didn't you just not eat?")
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
So I headed east on the Interstate, which keeps pretty much every option open, and ultimately decided to take a bit of a drive to the east side to the Kentacobell so I could have nachos and a piece of chicken. Because obviously, I'm pregnant.
I pull into the parking lot, which involves a poorly designed left turn onto a narrow fenced path, then a quick narrow right turn. Except I can't turn right, because a big Suburban is blocking the entrance. No idea why, there's nothing in front of it.
So I go down the path to where the exit is and sneak into the parking lot.
Upon exiting the vehicle, I can see the woman driving the Suburban. What's got her stopped? She's TEXTING. But why park and text when you can block the whole freaking entrance, right?
I go inside. There's thirty (exactly, I counted) kids in front of the counter, along with camp counselors (according to their shirts). Where'd these people come from? There's no bus in the parking lot, and they couldn't have all fit in the Suburban. Then I notice the two Trailways buses parked in the neighboring McDonald's parking lot. Some went there, some came here.
Yay.
But most of them appear to have ordered, so I get in line. Shortly, I'm face-to-face with Frowning Counter Girl.
Me: "One Nacho Cheese Doritos Locos Taco Supreme, no tomato..."
Frowning Counter Girl: "We don't put tomato on that."
Me: "Uh, yes you do."
Frowning Counter Girl: "No we don't."
Co-worker behind her: "Actually, we do."
She doesn't really appear to acknowledge him other than to stare down at the register blankly. He reaches over her shoulder to show her how to input no tomato.
Me: "Nachos Supreme, no tomato..."
She inputs the nachos, then stares at the register again. She's already forgotten how to input no tomato.
Me: "Beef Enchrito..."
Frowning Counter Girl: "We don't have Enchritos anymore."
That makes perfect sense, since there's no unique ingredients to an Enchrito. They have everything on hand to make them.
Me: "Extra crispy thigh, and a medium drink."
Frowning Counter Girl mumbles back the order in gibberish. I have no idea what she's saying. I've already conceded defeat and I'm just going to eat whatever I end up with. And it's clear it won't be what I ordered. Most of the kids and camp counselors are at the counter complaining that their food isn't right. Everybody's missing something, or has the wrong thing, or whatever. The bus driver shouts "CHECK YOUR FOOD BECAUSE THEY DID EVERYTHING WRONG!" at the dining room.
Eventually, my number is called. The chicken piece is missing. They fix that pretty quickly. Everything else is actually correct.
The kids eventually clear the dining room as they head back to the bus. Somebody has left behind a personal effect. An employee notices, grabs another employee, and says "Hey, can you do me a favor?"
Other Employee: "No, I don't like you."
He actually appears serious. But he ends up delivering the item to the bus anyway.
Some Guy in the Kitchen: "That was fun! Let's do it again."
Other Employees: "NO!"
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