tesg's Lunchtime Social

Mary Hartman! Mary Hartman!

2012-01-10T11:15:00.000-06:00

Place: Which Wich
Lunch: Italian Grinder (toasted on white with mozzarella, yellow mustard, spicy mayo, pickles, red onions, mushrooms, and olives), Pibb XTRA (with super awesome pebble ice)

Ohhh I'm serious this is the best sandwich ever you have to have one or two or three...

I started last week with a cold. Seriously congested. Completely wiped me out on Thursday, and largely over the weekend. I hate it when that happens. I suppose I was due...I can't remember the last time I was major league sick.

So I took some Ny-Quil and a decongestant, and tried to sleep. Usually, I either can't sleep and think about very odd things, or I DO sleep and dream about very odd things.

I'm not sure if I slept or not, but the dreams/thoughts ultimately reared a completely out-of-the-blue subject from my childhood that I haven't thought of in years...

Mary Hartman.

Mary Hartman! Mary Hartman!

For the uninitated, "Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman" was a Norman Lear-produced syndicated daily half-hour series intended as a satire on soap operas. Over a period of roughly eighteen months in the mid-1970's, they produced an astonishing 325 episodes before star Louise Lasser (an ex-wife of Woody Allen) quit the show citing exhaustion. The remainder of the cast (which included Mary Kay Place as neighbor/singer Loretta...probably the most memorable character besides Mary herself...Debralee Scott, Dody Goodman, and Claudia Lamb) continued on without her under the name "Forever Fernwood" for awhile longer (the show was set in the fictional Fernwood, Ohio), and it prompted a talk show satire spinoff called "Fernwood 2-Nite" starring Martin Mull and Fred Willard.

The show was highly controversial and usually aired late at night due to its content, mostly due to very frank discussions about sex and sexual-related topics, not to mention women's health. You didn't hear the word 'cramps' on regular soaps. You did here. And while the primary women on the cast would adjust their dresses so as to not reveal anything to other characters, they acted like the camera wasn't even there. Mary would adjust the right side of her dress as she turned to face another character while giving a full underwear shot to the camera. Just one of those subtle jokes within the show. Product placement and real brand name-dropping was another...we knew just from the script that Fernwood was home to a Safeway, Jack in the Box, Thrify Drug, and a Levitz. (For being set in Ohio, Fernwood was awfully Californian.) Mary regularly acted as if she were in a domestic product commercial. Her very first dilemna in the first episode was about "waxy yellow build-up" on her kitchen floor.

But it wasn't all comedy. Lasser delivered some incredibly emotional performances, particularly when fighting with her husband.

"Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman" was one of the most brilliant dark comedies ever devised and I knew it when it originally aired, even though I was ten at the time and a lot of the stuff went over my head. From the debut episode with the mass murder of the Lombardi family ("all five of them...plus two goats and eight chickens") to Mary's nervous breakdown at the end of the first season, this was simply amazing television.

So I just had to see it again as an adult to see how well it held up. It turns out just one DVD collection with just the first 25 episodes exists (don't think the fan base isn't peeved about that), so I picked it up.

Honestly, I expected to be disappointed. I thought it wouldn't hold up as well as I remembered, especially with the cough medicine having worn off.

I was wrong.

I was SERIOUSLY wrong.

What I thought would take a few weeks of spare time viewing to watch was done in three days.

I couldn't stop watching until I was out of shows to watch. It didn't help that Sony left the DVD set off at a seemingly random place. They probably should have left it at eighteen episodes (where the Lombardi murders were resolved) if at all.

Listen to the fans, Sony. We NEED the complete series.

We NEED it.

AND the spin-offs.

Merry 2011

2011-12-25T20:00:00.005-06:00

Place: BK Whopper Bar
Lunch (no...Dinner): Whopper (no lettuce, no tomato; add cheddar, grilled onions, bacon), onion rings, Dr Pepper

Dinner was supposed to be at the Village Seafood Buffet at Rio, but apparently everybody else in town had the same idea. The line filled their standby space, out the door, around the escalators, and down past the elevators. That's way beyond my level of patience.

Then I stumbled upon the Whopper Bar.

I've heard of the Whopper Bar, but this is the first one I've actually seen. It differs from your regular BK in that it has a wider variety of specialty Whoppers on the menu (including a Bourbon Whopper and one with blue cheese) and a wider variety of available ingredients for you to...have it your way. Whopper patties are cooked in the back, but the end sandwiches are assembled in a prep line in front of customers.

So I figured I'd try it. My custom Whopper was pretty good, though I didn't expect them to keep the regular onions on it on top of my custom-requested grilled onions. And I should have also added barbecue sauce.

Across from the Whopper Bar is a Chippendale's boutique. In front of the Chippendale's boutique is a large wall mural of Chippendale's dancers. Every woman who walks by it just has to have her picture taken in front of it.

I'm spending Christmas in Vegas, basically playing the role of desert slacker. Think The Dude without the drugs or booze and with pinball instead of bowling. Cuz that's how I roll, girlfriend.

The strip at Christmas differs very little from the strip any other day. At 10pm Christmas Eve, the Bellagio's shops were open. You could still get jewelery at Tiffany & Co, a handbag at Gucci, or whatever it is they sell at Prada. And the Miracle Mile shops were open Christmas day. This is the ultimate procrastinator's dream city.

There was no shortage of people to take it all in. The strip and the casinos were as busy as ever. Every nationality in full force, all wide-eyed, gazing at the wonder of it all, and documenting every little thing with their cameras and cell phones. If there's anything we have in common as a planet, it's our ability to go all googly-eyed at a spectacle.

While I'm a week early, I figured I'd get the annual 'year in review' out of the way, which is mostly just highlights I lifted from my Twitter feed. So if you follow me on Twitter, this will probably bore you to tears.

2011 was the year I stopped driving everywhere and started flying. I flew 36 flight segments this year, exactly triple the number I've flown the last twenty years combined. It's ridiculous how well I know Denver's airport now.

Coal in the Stocking of the Year - The jackasses at Dr Pepper-Snapple Group filed suit against the Dublin Dr Pepper Bottling Company to stop them from selling their original cane sugar Dr Pepper formula outside of their market territory and to get them to stop selling it under the unique brand "Dublin Dr Pepper". (They also threw in revocation of license, but really, they're not trying to kill them outright. Uh huh.) The case is pending and Dr Pepper-Snapple Group will probably win, insuring their massive regional distributors and their high fructose corn syrup-laden product (which, as much as the faceless executive cowards would like you to believe tastes the same, doesn't...and neither does any 'Heritage Dr Pepper' I've tried) are kept safe from a small historic bottler who might affect a miniscule fraction of a percentage of their sales. God bless America.

WTH of the Year - Found an MGM Grand tag on my large suitcase handle. Which makes perfect sense since I've never stayed at the MGM Grand, and I've never taken that bag to Las Vegas.

Random Mischief of the Year - Ever think about replacing the wall art in your hotel room with something really odd to make the next guests wonder?

Irony of the Year - Saw a girl with huge breasts wearing a T-shirt that said "I Love Boobs" on it.

Mistaken Identity of the Year - A kid in a Wienerschnitzel was staring at me intently for a long period of time. Eventually, his mother explained..."He insists you're one of Santa's elves!" Good grief, kid. You must think Santa's twelve feet tall.

Fast Food LTO of the Year - Burgerville's Panko Portobello Wedges. Served with a garlic aioli for dipping. Fry replacement to the extreme.

Silly Fast Food LTO of the Year - Hardee's/Carl's Jr's Buffalo Chicken Tenders. Basically, they're the standard chicken tenders slathered in Frank's red hot sauce. So if you like them and they come off the menu, just bring your own bottle of Frank's with you, order the regular tenders, and make your own.

New Fast Food Permanent Menu Item of the Year - Wienerschnitzel's bacon-wrapped Street Dog. Oh dear.

Full Service Restaurant LTO of the Year - IHOP's Caramel Apple Crepe Crisp thingie was surprisingly every bit as good in execution as it was on paper.

Fast Food Price Gouging of the Year - I walked into a Taco Bell, ordered three menu items and a soda, and the total was north of $11. Never thought I'd see the day.

Fast Food Price Gouging of the Year Pt II - A Utah Taco Time was getting $3.09 for a large soda. What is this...a cinema snack bar?

Dumb Fast Food Slogan of the Year - "Good Mood Food"? Really, Arby's?

Thanks, but I'll Pass of the Year - Trader Joe's shrimp corn dogs. Ummm...

New M&M's Flavor of the Year - Cinnamon. For the holidays. I'm betting if you were in a blind taste test, you'd never guess what they were supposed to be. Yet I liked them anyway.

Best Tweet while Live Tweeting an Awards Show of the Year - "Somewhere a Snuffleupagus died for that dress."

New Roommate of the Year - A spider moved into my downstairs bathtub in October. Still there as of last week. I named her Savannah.

Dream of the Year - I had a dream that I was having a heated argument with Tiger Woods outside of a rural Super 8 motel. No idea what it was about, or why either of us would even be at a Super 8.

Satellite Radio of the Year - SiriusXM added a "Studio 54" channel for awhile. All of the disco without the sex and drugs...the only reason people liked that music in the first place.

Cars are Getting Too Smart of the Year - Overheard a teenager bragging about how her new car e-mails her tire pressure readings.

Lifestyle Change of the Year - At the beginning of the year, I had never heard of the self-serve frozen yogurt concept. At the end of the year, I've probably eaten half my weight in self-serve frozen yogurt...nine ounces at a time.

Flight Attendant Safety Announcement of the Year - "If you decide to be naughty in our potty, the fine for doing so is $3,000. If you had a spare $3000 lying around, you would have flown Delta today." (Southwest Airlines flight attendant, regarding smoking in the lavatory)

Only New TV Show I'm Still Watching of the Year - Suburgatory. First show I've regularly watched on ABC since I can remember. (I loved "Pushing Daisies", but only caught up on it after it had been cancelled.) I gave Pan Am a shot too, but not for long. These shows trying to rip off "Mad Men" just don't get it. "The Playboy Club" was just dreadful. If you create a show with that many scenes of women parading around in sixties underwear and I'm not sticking with it, you've done something SERIOUSLY wrong.

TV Commercial of the Year - FedEx's "Erik Gustafson" commercial may be their best yet.

TV Commercial of the Year II - Geico's "Do Dogs Chase Cats" commercial, which rarely aired, was absolutely brilliant.

Dumb TV Commercial Campaign of the Year - Virgin Mobile's commercials where they mock the T-Mobile girl. Virgin's versions had a dingbat, whereas the T-Mobile girl comes off as intelligent. Made no sense at all.

Dumb GM Commercial of the Year - Will somebody tell those guys driving around trying to find no cell coverage that it's possible to just shut your phone off?

Mean TV Commercial Campaign of the Year - Am I the only one who thought Best Buy's "Game On, Santa" commercials were really mean, and not in a funny way?

Our Network Sucks of the Year - Local NBC affiliate reports Ashton Kutcher is joining "Two and a Half Men" cast. Weather Guy: "Is that an NBC show?" Sports Guy: "No, it's a HIT."

Dumb Question of the Year - ESPN aired the "Carrier Classic", a college basketball game on an aircraft carrier this year. It was an amazing scene, the President showed up, and the whole thing got national television coverage. In the midst of this amazing spectacle, they interviewed the Secretary of the Navy and asked him..."You had to sign off on this event. Why did you?"

Redneck Question of the Year - Overheard at Cabela's..."Do you have car antennas that look like fly rods?"

Album of the Year that I Didn't Already Hear in 2010 - Chelsea Crowell's raw, intimate, and beautiful "Crystal City" is a true headphone record filled with amazing retro noises and storytelling. Even if you know going in she's the daughter of Rodney Crowell and Rosanne Cash, you might not expect this. The girl was listening growing up. Carefully.

Movies of the Year - I gave "The Help" four stars. Other highlights were Woody Allen's excellent "Midnight in Paris", and Marvel's "Thor" and "Captain America: The First Avenger". Marvel did my kind of movies this year. The final "Harry Potter" movie was good, but it really made me sad that series has come to an end. I still remember seeing the trailer for the first movie the very first time. It came and went so quickly.

Out of Context Facebook Friend Game Status of the Year - "Amanda has run into a pack of vicious beavers!"

Small Town Advice of the Year - "Tip people, not cows." (Tip cup at a rural Dairy Queen)

RIP Retail of the Year - Ultimate Electronics folded. Always had good customer service and, in their prime, premium brands not everybody stocked. Border's and Waldenbooks also went away. I'll miss the Waldenbooks name more than Border's.

Witty RIP of the Year - "RIP Sherwood Schwartz. At his funeral, in lieu of a eulogy, they will play a theme song that tells his backstory." (@jelvisweinstein)

Out of Context Quote of the Year - "But if they don't have the big inflatable apes, nobody will know where the fireworks stands are!" (Taco Bueno counter girl)

Personalized License Plate of the Year - SLYTHRN - on a Dodge Viper.

Loophole of the Year - I went through the Walmart express lane with two items. It just happened that I had sixty-eight of those two items.

Official New Hobby of the Year - Gum chewing. No idea why, but I have a good stash of the stuff in my office. Dentyne's "Arctic Chill" is my fave.

Religous Moment of the Year - "When Jesus returns, we're all gonna see it immediately on our cell phones." - (Random couple at Taco Bueno)

Religious Question of the Year - Why don't people tailgate before church?

Most Awesome New Grocery Store of the Year - If you Utah peeps haven't been to the new Harmon's at Station Park in Farmington yet, they really outdid themselves. I'm looking forward to seeing their new City Creek store, which opens February 15. I probably won't get to see it till mid-year, though.

Airline Fraud of the Year - I've noticed a trend where airlines have stopped updating flight delays on reader boards at airports and just pretend everything's on time. The most blatant example of this...at McCarran, an Allegiant flight I was supposed to be on actually showed "on time", "arrived", and "departed" before the aircraft ever made it to the airport in the first place. So I'm wondering if that info is all tied to a database that tracks 'on-time' records, which they are subsequently trying to falsify.

Frustrated Employee at the Airport of the Year - "It's the Saturday morning Las Vegas run. How do you THINK I'm doing?" (Frontier gate employee)

They Grow Up So Fast of the Year - While eating lunch at a restaurant in PDX, a little girl...maybe eight...came running in to steal a straw for her Starbucks cup. As she grabs the straw, she looks at me and declares "I am SO gonna miss my flight!" before running off.

For the Love of Innocence of the Year - Mom to little girl as our plane lands..."Who are you more excited to see? John...or your dad?" Little girl..."Daddy!" Mom, clearly disappointed, "Well...I get that."

Retweet of the Year - "It's sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his violence, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels." (@duncanpow)

Happy new year, kids. Try to not make any resolutions you won't remember the next morning because you drank too much.

Freestylin'

2011-12-08T19:06:00.001-06:00

Place: Pizza Ranch
Lunch (no, Dinner): Buffet, Pibb XTRA, Cherry Fanta, Lime Fanta, Strawberry Minute Maid, Raspberry-Lime Hi C

The Pizza Ranch recently added the new Coke Freestyle fountain machines, a new fountain with "100+choices". Because waiting for kids to decide between six-to-eight flavors wasn't ridiculous enough.

The restaurant manager is quite proud. I overheard him telling somebody that his store and three others nearby are the first in the state to get them. They're "testing" them out.

They're not exactly new. I first heard of them a year or two ago and have seen them before. Megaplex 17 has a couple. Firehouse Subs has rolled them out to all locations nationally (and yes, Firehouse cherry limeade is in there). Taco Time Northwest (the ones in the Seattle area) have them too.

Never seen them in a buffet setting though.

The machines sort of remind you of a big retro fridge, except they have a touch screen and a space for your cup to put ice and soda in. You begin with the touch screen (or ice if you want). There's 22 initial brands available (including water and soda water). Touch one and a sub-menu comes up with available flavors under said brand. Example...you can have Coke, or Coke with lime, Vanilla Coke, Raspberry Coke, Cherry Coke, Orange Coke, or Cherry Vanilla Coke. Pick your poison, position your cup, then push the big silver button.

(A hint from experience...push the big silver button for a half sec to discharge the previous person's soda, THEN put your cup underneath.)

Anyway, it's a cool looking machine that does cool things. Kids are elated. The elderly are horrified.

I sat nearby to observe. Nobody approached these as if nothing was unusual. Loads of fascination...and confusion. I watched one old man walk up, stand, stare dumbfounded, stare some more, then realize there was tea in a pitcher off to the side. He left with tea.

There was one guy who looked like he made millions in the tech industry who I was sure would have no problem, but he had no idea how to approach the thing. He eventually put the cup in the hole, got ice, did the touch screen thing, then held his finger on the touch screen for the soda he wanted. Couldn't figure out why he wasn't getting soda.

One angry looking teen girl chose Coke Zero and made a single mix of all seven flavors available.

If anything, I learned that the top drink with kids is orange Hi-C. And, when confronted with a lot of options, people will indeed experiment. Very few people just chose a regular flavor and left it at that.

This was my first chance to be in a setting to explore different flavors while grazing a buffet. So I would only fill the cup about a third with different things. I'd drink something, dump the ice, pour something else...

The machine itself could make me a better customer here. The lime Fanta and the Raspberry-Lime Hi-C were great, and there's nowhere else I can have these locally. At least for now.

If we could talk Coke into including original Pibb and Fanta Red Creme Soda, that would be awesome.

Wonder when Pepsi's going to come out with something like this.

Captivia

2011-11-24T09:00:00.003-06:00

Place: Del Taco
Lunch (no, Breakfast): Bacon & Egg Quesadilla (with green sauce), hash brown sticks, watered down Coke

Del Taco is supposed to put green sauce on the bacon & egg quesadilla, but some locations choose not to, so I always specify. The Coke syrup-to-soda water mix was on the lean side this morning which, for whatever reason, actually made it taste better.

EARLIER AT THE MOTEL...Kid is waiting for elevator. We get in after a long wait. "What floor, sir?" he asks.

"Four, please."

"What?"

"Four."

He pushes '4'. He doesn't push any other floors. "Are you on four too?", I ask.

"No, I'm on two. But I can wait for you."

"You don't have to do that!"

"It's okay."

I thank him and get off on four. A family of like a half dozen or so, with luggage, are waiting to get on. As I walk down the hallway, I hear the kid ask them if they're going to the first floor.

THIS is why I love Utah.

As you are probably aware from my annual Auto Show posts and the fact I have a three-year old car with 160,000 miles on it, I like cars. I like to drive them, I like to read about them, I like to keep up with information about new models and technologies. So it takes quite a bit to throw me for a loop when it comes to cars, which is exactly what Hertz did last night when they handed me the keys to a 2012 Chevrolet Captivia.

A what?

EXACTLY.

(Remember when 'exactly' was Hertz's marketing slogan? I didn't intend for it to be a pun.)

Anyway, here it is.

You're thinking "That's just a Saturn Vue with a Chevy bowtie".

That's about right.

Still, it's better looking than the Equinox.

The Captivia name has adorned small CUV's outside of North America under the Chevrolet brand and its various international subsidiaries for several years. The name has come to the states for the first time as a solution for the GM Fleet Division to a dilemma caused by the discontinuation of the HHR, which was a poor seller with consumers but popular with fleets. Apparently, the Mexican-built US version can be produced and sold far cheaper than the Equinox while giving up just a little space. It's not available to consumers...only fleets...but GM also claimed it wasn't available to rental companies, and Hertz had a crapload of them anyway.

It's not exactly a barebones vehicle either. Mine has leather seats, a sunroof, SiriusXM, a backup camera built into the rear view mirror, OnStar, auto headlights, and a built-in garage door opener. It also has a Hertz "NeverLost" navigation system, which if you ask me should be re-branded "EverLost". I once rented a vehicle in Las Vegas that had this, and it couldn't correctly find its way back to the Hertz rental center. And that was at their old long-time facility, not the new central rental garage.

It also has no practical place to store sunglasses. The space where that would normally be is where they put the garage door buttons. There's a small space under the center stack, but mine don't fit there.

Stupid GM.

It also has "Eco" mode. There's a button poorly placed (no...cleverly hidden) behind the shifter that says "eco". Press it, and a green "eco" light shows up on the instrument cluster. It apparently changes the shifting pattern of the automatic transmission to improve fuel economy. Maybe by a mile a gallon, from what I read on the matter.

Anyway, you can't buy one at your Chevrolet dealer (and I have to wonder why...do they think it will cannibalize sales of the more profitable Equinox?), but you can probably buy a used one at your local Hertz Car Sales in a couple of years.

I'm SO glad I flew out this year instead of making the long drive. As beat as I was just at Denver after a simple flight last night, I don't think I would have made it.

Happy Thanksgiving. Don't eat too much.

(I'm kidding. Eat WAY too much.)

New to Us

2011-10-27T11:45:00.003-05:00

Place: Burger King
Lunch: BK Chef's Choice Burger, BK Mushroom Swiss Topper, BK Deluxe Cheeseburger Topper, Dr Pepper

Elderly Counter Guy (who is, by far, the most professional looking person I've ever seen manning the counter at any area BK) takes my order. "I assume this is to go?" he asks.

"No, here," I reply.

He replies with a look of bemusement.

I'm not really going to eat three burgers, especially when one of them has a 5.5 ounce patty. I'm just going to sample them. They're new, I don't come here much, and I'm in the mood for veriety. Stop looking at me like that, elderly counter guy.

The BK Toppers have 3.2 ounce beef patties and are available in Mushroom & Swiss, Western BBQ, and Deluxe Cheeseburger varieties. The Western BBQ is basically the old Rodeo Cheeseburger with a thicker patty. The Mushroom & Swiss is just what you're thinking. The Deluxe Cheeseburger is topped the same way the Big King was (BK's Big Mac ripoff).

Or, at least, it's supposed to be topped that way.

Mine didn't have the thousand island dressing. It had mayo. And you know what? It totally worked that way.

So thanks for screwing that up for me, BK. You may have unintentionally made a better sandwich.

The Mushroom & Swiss was just dreadful. BK's new energy efficient charbroilers have a side effect of making their burgers taste TOO charbroiled, and the burger toppings here only emphasised that. It also gave me the impression that BK is actually seasoning their patties with a whole lot of sodium. Maybe the new charbroiling takes AWAY flavor and they're compensating?

The BK Chef's Choice is a 5.5 ounce thick patty they claim is "made with USDA certified ground chuck seasoned with salt and pepper" (other burgers just say "seasoned beef") and topped with "a thick slice of American cheese, naturally-smoked thick cut bacon, Fresh cut romaine lettuce, red onions and ripe tomatoes, (and) our original grill sauce on an artisan bun."

Jeepers.

I'll give BK credit, it actually comes off as a premium burger and it's pretty good. And that slice of cheese IS thicker. But for $4.99, couldn't you have used a nice thick slice of cheddar?

We're finally getting a Whole Foods Market in town. It's a small one going into part of an old Best Buy space. Best Buy built a new smaller store in the other part of their existing space and some neighboring empty space. The Whole Foods construction is an extreme makeover...they gutted the remaining space and demolished the front and side walls. The new side wall framing is up and things appear to be progressing nicely.

We are also finally getting a Noodles & Company. We must be the last area on the planet to get them.

Five Guys, who have also built every Midwestern community around us in recent years (even ones half the size), was supposedly coming too, but the "coming soon" information on their website store locator has been removed, and the address they previously had listed is otherwise occupied with a tenant who doesn't appear to be going anywhere.

I'm not really a Five Guys fan anyway.

But I would love a Which Wich.

Direct Mail

2011-10-12T11:30:00.061-05:00

Place: Wendy's
Lunch: Dave's Hot 'n Juicy single cheeseburger (no cheese, no tomato), chili, Coke

I'm against naming these burgers after Dave Thomas. It sort of implies that Dave was hiding better burgers from us all these years. It's nice that Wendy Thomas is in the new TV ad, though.

The new burgers (which are labeled "Hot n' Juicy Cheesburgers, meaning you actually have to specify if you don't want cheese, and doing so doesn't actually decrease the price) have actually replaced the "Classic" burgers on the menu. They're essentially the same size with the burger patty set thicker and with new pickles and red onions. The pickles taste fishy. Not impressed. At least they're toasting the buns now.

I've actually started using my LinkedIn account recently. Pretty much everybody has a LinkedIn account because a business associate probably sent you a request to link up. Nearly everybody sets one up, forgets about it, and never thinks about it again except when they get new requests to link up, or when LinkedIn sends an e-mail showing who your linked associates have since also linked to. But I've decided to start finding ways to use LinkedIn, mostly in ways where I can hopefully make fun of LinkedIn.

So my link to this blog post on LinkedIn will read as follows..."Here's a great way to maximize your Direct Mail campaign dollars". This should make all the marketing minded folk who are linked with me come here to read my stellar advice. And here it is...

Stop wasting money on direct mail.

I get so little mail at home that I don't even bother walking to the mailbox more than once a week. When I do, there's the occasional magazine I subscribe to, the water bill (the only company I do business with who isn't online), the weekly fancy invitation to get a credit card with one of my rewards clubs, the weekly plea to change my insurance to State Farm (never gonna happen...may have to tell that story someday), the weekly plea to switch to cable (HA HA HA HA! No), and the two weekly thrifty nickel newspapers that exist solely to deliver the weekly ads.

The ad stuff makes it no further into my home than the recycling bin in the garage. The stuff that actually has my name on it makes it upstairs to the shredder.

So what I'm saying is you're wasting your money with me. Okay fine, I'm one person, right? Well come by the post office where I have a P. O. box on any given Wednesday, when this stuff tends to hit the mailbox, and look at the trash cans.

NOBODY is reading this stuff.

It's going straight into the trash, or laid in a stack on top of the trash cans (in case others want to take them for coupon hoarding).

Mostly though, I want you to stop it because it annoys me. It just seems like the single biggest waste of printed paper we have left. You can do coupons online somehow, can't you? AND not have to pay for mailing. Let people who want them print them off their computers.

Or at least find a way to let me opt out.

Hard to do when they're addressed to "Resident".

Smoke in the Lobby

2011-10-09T11:45:00.003-05:00

Place: Waffle House
Lunch (breakfast? brunch?): Two eggs (over light...no, medium), toast, bacon, chili, Coke

Worst. Crew. EVER.

Two of the five employees know what they're doing, and one of them has "given up trying to care". The other is basically handling everything and correcting the others when they do something wrong. The other three are teenagers who really don't care. It takes as long to order as it usually takes me to order, get fed, and eat. Then the woman who knows what she's doing starts lecturing me on how I ordered my eggs wrong and I'm getting "over medium" instead of "over light" regardless of what I want.

I realize she's not in a good mood. That's not my fault.

Should've gone to Jack in the Box.

Last night was an eventful evening. It started with a concert...Sugarland and Sara Bareilles, specifically. Sara Bareilles is an artist I'm familiar with...I have both her albums. Sugarland? Not so much. In fact, before the Indiana State Fair stage collapse, I'd never so much as heard of them.

To make a long story short, that tragedy led me to look up some of their material. That led me to think they seemed to put on a great live show. So I thought I'd check them out. Plus I'd get to enjoy Sara Bareilles and her catchy pop tunes about hating men.

The state fair collapse took with it Sugarland's elaborate (and really beautiful) "Incredible Machine" stage set. With maybe a few dozen shows left in the tour, they didn't rebuild. They're finishing the last dates with a simple setup. The only distinguishing thing on the stage is a backdrop tapestry with a cloud-like heart with angel wings, a tribute to the lost stage of sorts within the heart (like the set itself was flying to heaven).

Sara Bareilles was backed by a four-piece band and proved to be a really solid live performer. Why she is touring with a country-branded act I can't quite understand, but then again I can't quite put my finger on where Sugarland fits into country either.

Seeing them live didn't quite help. If you remove the duo that is Sugarland from the five-piece band backing them, you have a respectable boogie band. You could stick Kevin Cronin in front of them and they'd BE REO Speedwagon. The country aspect is the shrieking drawly crazy annoying voice of Jennifer Nettles. Through an arena sound system, she's like the country equivalent of Geddy Lee. And this band seemed to rock more than anything...there were points where they had three electric guitars going at the same time, some with distortion.

Short of that, they were fun live. I'm not buying any of their records, though. They did end with an awesome cover of "Come On Eileen". I can actually say that I've seen "Come On Eileen" performed live.

The surprise is this...Nettles wasn't even the loudest shriek I heard last night. That came later.

I headed back to the hotel after the show, swinging through the Taco Bueno drive-thru on the way. I get in, I settle in, I open my nachos and...the fire alarm in the room goes off.

WOW.

They do NOT want you to miss that.

I open the door. Others are in the hallway. Every alarm in the building is going off. Some are waiting for the elevator. Do elevators work when the fire alarms are going off? I opt for the stairs. The first floor fire doors are shut, blocking access to the lobby, so I go out the side door and walk around to the lobby, where several guests have converged. The lobby is a haze of smoke with the strong smell of...burnt popcorn. Who knew burnt popcorn could make this much smoke.

The desk clerk is on the phone with another employee, trying to figure out how to shut off the alarm.

"No, somebody burned some popcorn, and the lobby is full of smoke, and I can't shut the alarm off."

"No, ALL the alarms are going off. In the rooms and everything."

"Change the BATTERIES??? ALL of them???"

I decide to prop open the lobby doors to try and air out the smoke. Another guests helps. We find something to hold the doors open (big planters outside the entrance).

At this point, I hear sirens. The fire department is pulling up. As the first fireman gets out, I explain what happened. He snickers that snicker that says "Yeah, that happens."

They walk in to do their inspection. They grab a big fan. They reset the alarm.

There's about 30 guests waiting for the elevator, so a bunch of us take the stairs. One of the rooms at the top of the stairs still has a fire alarm on. One of the girls staying in said room runs downstairs to complain.

My room is fine.

I settle in and enjoy my nachos.

My cold, soggy nachos.

Steve Jobs

2011-10-06T11:55:00.002-05:00

Place: Popeye's Chicken & Biscuits (or is it "Popeye's Louisiana Kitchen" now? Whatever)
Lunch: Dip'n Chicken (with blackened ranch dipping sauce), spicy thigh, biscuts, Coke

Everybody in line is ordering Dip'n Chicken. Dip'n Chicken is an LTO I'm apparently just getting in on at the end. The VERY end. When I ordered mine, the manager called back to the kitchen and asked how many orders they had down. "Three!" was shouted back. "But I only have (enough chicken for) about ten more!"

A few minutes later, I saw the manager outside the store pulling all the Dip'n Chicken posters down. This didn't stop others from ordering it anyway. Somebody even CALLED THE STORE asking about it.

Anyway, Dip'n Chicken is (was) breaded fried chicken breast pieces cut into medallions that sort of look like Fritos. They're REALLY good, as is the dipping sauce. Based on the response I witnessed here, I'm thinking they should become a permanent menu item.

You probably heard Steve Jobs passed away yesterday. The name alone is certainly familiar, though you may not understand why. Nor why your Twitter feed is flooding with memories of him. Nor why your local Apple storefront is covered in post-it notes memorializing the man. The guy wasn't a reality TV icon, not a major political name, not a pop star.

Well...actually, he sort of was a pop star.

The man co-founded Apple, which has always been popular with the hip. He basically invented the home computer. In the years between being shunned by Apple and being brought back to rescue the company, he picked up a small animation division of Lucasfilm called Pixar and sold it to Disney for billions years later. He dreamed up the iPod and changed the music industry forever. And in a world that had all but given up on the tablet computer concept, he succeeded with the iPad and has nearly killed the laptop industry in the process.

He wasn't just the head of the company who did this...these were largely his ideas executed under his scrutiny. Even if you've never owned a Mac (I just bought my first this year) and don't understand why Mac people are so fiercely devoted to them and all things Apple (and why they're so willing to pay serious premiums for their products vs Windows-based competition), the man has touched your life in one way or another.

His company today is completely debt-free with reportedly an astounding $72 billion in the bank as of June, which put them on par at the time with the US Treasury. Their stock trades in the $350-400 range. And analysts think the stock trades LOW. They don't pay dividends, and their product returns a 20-30 percent profit margin. You'd think that would be enough to make the anti-corporate crowd hate Apple, but even the biggest critics seems to be resigned to, at worst, referring to Jobs as being "less evil".

There aren't many people you can honestly say quite literally changed the world.

Steve Jobs is one of them.

Zombie Burger

2011-10-03T12:30:00.000-05:00

Place: Zombie Burger + Drink Lab
Lunch: Planet Terror, chili, Coke

A recent addition to the East Village area, Zombie Burger is a zombie-themed sit-down burger and beer joint. The name alone garnered much buzz on Facebook and in the local media before it even opened. Buzz is one thing, food is another. Would Zombie Burger...uh...live up to its name?

Co-worker Amy...the only person in town who ever wants to have lunch with me except the mother of my dead wife (who, as far as I know, is NOT a zombie)...ventured on down to see how the place shapes up.

First off, everybody who works here appears to be of the living. Second, the building really doesn't have much of a zombie theme. It's pretty modern with modern colors, lots of windows, and steel and wood accenting. The theme is pretty well limited to the wall art, which includes a zombie mural.

The menu is the key. The menu has an assortment of burgers with zombie themes, a couple which use trademarked names that I'm sure will eventually get them a few 'cease and desist' letters from lawyers. There's 18 burgers with zombie theme-names, and a boring 'hamburger' and 'cheeseburger'. Each come in single, double, or triple patty varieties with prices ranging from $3.49 to $10.99. Sides, which include fries, chili, salads, and mac and cheese, are additional. They have a crapload of beers, which are completely lost on me. They also have shakes and hot dogs, but not a hot dog flavored shake. That would be gross. Why would you even think of such a thing?

The appetizer menu included onion rings, so we ordered some.

"We don't have onion rings as an appetizer."

Huh?

"We don't have onion rings as an appetizer."

But it's on the menu right there. With dipping sauce, even.

"We had to make an adjustment because they clogged up the fryer."

Um, okay.

So they didn't get to sell us an appetizer, the list which included fried brussel sprouts, fried cheese curds, fried buffalo bacon, fried pickle chips, and Zombie Nachos. There was also goat cheese, which obviously means the owners thought they were opening a restaurant in Austin, Texas.

I had a Planet Terror burger, which included barbecue sauce, cheddar cheese, caramelized onion, and "fried ranch". I also had a cup of chili. The barbecue sauce was really sweet. The "fried ranch" turned out to be what looked like deep fried cheese curds, but with ranch in them instead. When you bite into one, it pops and ranch drizzles down the burger. Much like if a zombie eyeball popped, right?

GENIUS!

The chili was decent. It had black beans. Just saying.

Amy tried the Trailer Trash Zombie burger, which included cheese, fried pickle slices, chicken fried bacon, cheese curds, and ranch mayo. Amy's side of choice was fries with a side of ranch. She took a bite, thought about it, and said "You know what? It works." I tried a bite of it and decided that their breading tastes fishy. Then I decided it was their oil when I had a fry.

Anyway, we decided it was well worth trying, and even worth revisiting, even if the zombie theme is lost once you no longer have a menu in your hands. A genuinely nice place with decent prices and unusual burgers.

Dollar Snacks

2011-09-08T12:00:00.001-05:00

Place: Bamboo Buffet & Grill
Lunch: Lunch buffet, Coke

Bamboo is in the same strip mall as Cici's. In between Cici's and Bamboo is Dollar Tree, one of those stores that sells all sort of crap for a buck. Over the past few weeks, I've seen a sign touting them now having a frozen food section. I keep meaning to go in and check it out, but never do.

Until today, that is.

So I go in. The frozen section is in the back, so I pass though other dollar items. Like cute little figurines. Pens. Drinking glasses. Toys. And snacks.

The snack selection is chips and candy, mostly. It's even better than the selection at Walgreens, and FAR cheaper. Maybe I should have come in here before.

Among the snacks are Burger King onion rings. These aren't actual onion rings...it's a puff corn snack in a bag like Cheetos, only browned on the outside, shaped like onion rings, and flavored to taste like onions. I've had them before, but have never EVER seen them in THIS market.

So yeah...I got some.

Next to them were a line of TGI Friday's-branded snacks, one of which was "mozzarella sticks".

Huh.

So yeah...I got some.

Then I browsed the freezer section, hoping they'd have some el cheapo Patio brand Mexican dinners, which I can't find anywhere anymore.

They didn't. The dinners are mostly Banquet, the grossest food made by anybody anywhere.

But they did have Resers burritos. In the large size, even.

So I'll be back for those later, when I can take them home and get them in the fridge.

I also snagged some taco shells. Because...I don't know. I just did, okay?

At the check stand, I spied caramel apple Sugar Babies. SERIOUSLY? HAVE to try those.

So yeah...I got some.

So...The Burger King snack was perfectly decent, just as I remember them being.

The mozarella sticks taste nothing like mozarella sticks or really anything discernable. Kind of bland. But not bad or gross or anything. I wouldn't buy them again, but I'll probably finish this bag eventually.

The caramel apple Sugar Babies taste exactly how you'd think they would.

Which, as it turns out, is kind of gross.

I should go to Aldi next.

I haven't been there in years.

Bookends

2011-09-04T10:15:00.005-05:00

Place: Wicked Spoon
Lunch: Weekend brunch buffet, Coke, water

Wicked Spoon is the house buffet at the Cosmopolitan. It's a unique place. The food ranks right up there with the Wynn and Bellagio buffets and includes the usual breakfast suspects, a Kung Pao chicken that had a sauce that was a near clone of PF Chang's, a fried chicken called "Wicked Chicken", a cut-to-order slab bacon (really a seasoned pork of some kind), and I can actually say I've had Ratatouille now. I'll never have it again, but I've really tried it. Oh...and don't even get me started on the gelato bar. That alone may well be worth the $32.00 per person admission.

What makes it unique is lot of the food is served in little cooking pots pre-portioned. So you typically drop about four pots on your plate. Presentation-wise, nobody tops Wicked Spoon. Style-wise either, really. This is a gorgeous space. Modern, nice accent lighting, and arty. And it hasn't been noticed by the masses yet...you can usually get in pretty quickly, unlike the Wynn or Bellagio, where you might be in line for a couple of hours.

(Don't ask my advice on all the full-service places to eat in Las Vegas. I'm pretty much just at the buffets or at fast food joints. I don't know anything about the fancy sit-down joints. What? Stop looking at me like that.)

I'm book-ending the summer season where I began it. It's hotter this time...it was 89 degrees when I got up this morning around 6. It was about that last night at 10pm. The high today is predicted to be 103. But it's nice because the humidity level is only about 10-15 percent.

The night heat has had an odd effect on me. I'll be comfortable outside, then go into my hotel where the air conditioning is around 70...and I'll be freezing. As in shivering. Which NEVER happens to me. And I love it.

If I were rich, I'd totally move here and become a night owl.

(Who am I kidding. I'd miss the Midwestern winters.)

Another discovery I made while getting hotel snacks at Vons...a new fruit. Raspberry Jewel Pluots. Looking very much like it comes from the plum family, it's a plum-apricot hybrid of some kind. A well ripened one is ridiculously red and ridiculously juicy inside. It's wonderful. I hope I can find these back home.

I think I'll wander the Miracle Mile shops after brunch. Short of that, my weekend plans are playing pinball over at the Pinball Hall of Fame and catching up on movies.

"The Help" is a four-star movie.

Go see it.

Really.

The Cheddar's Story

2011-08-25T12:58:00.014-05:00

Place: Cici's Pizza
Lunch: Buffet, Dr Pepper

Yes, again. Bite me.

Recently over on Twitter, I made mention that I had a story about Cheddar's, a chain of casual dining restaurants in the Midwest that's sort of like Applebee's or Chili's. The name itself is stupid because they never really had anything on the menu that focused on cheese, let alone cheddar.

Anyway, @wichitabyeb, a fine blogger if there ever was one, was interested in hearing it, and since I've been short of material for the blog lately, I figured I'd share it. It's a great example of not only how not to do business, but how to take advantage of somebody's else's mistake.

Years ago (we're talking ten-fifteen years here), we had a local Cheddar's outlet. It was pretty much the Sunday standard eating place for me and my wife. We ate there more than any other restaurant.

One day, we went in and the entire staff was new. Everybody who used to be there was gone. And the menu had been revamped significantly.

The service, and the food, was mediocre. It wasn't a terribly pleasant experience. But it was nothing like the experience that came with dessert...the delight known as the Cookie Monster (which, thankfully, survived the menu revamp).

The Cookie Monster is a big freshly cooked chocolate chip cookie topped with a big scoop of vanilla ice cream topped in hot fudge, then topped with whipped cream. And maybe a cherry...I can't remember for sure. Pretty easy to make at home, actually.

So the guy brought it, tripped, and dumped it in my wife's lap. It was all over the front of her shirt.

He looked stunned, stammered some sort of apology, and ran for a rag, I think. He re-appeared. A manager appeared. The manager was concerned if her clothes required dry cleaning. Once he was advised they weren't, he seemed satisfied and left, never to return.

The server came back...with the check. Which included the Cookie Monster dumped in her lap.

The wife was mad enough before we even ordered the Cookie Monster. Now she just wanted out of there as quickly as possible. We actually paid. And left.

So I wrote a letter to Cheddar's corporate about it, which was ignored. I then wrote to the local paper. The editor of the weekly entertainment section and I had kind of become friends and I'd written a few guest restaurant reviews over the years. So I wrote up this story, and she published it.

One day later, I got a letter in the mail.

We'd like to apologize for your experience at Cheddars. We would like to show you what a real restaurant experience should be like. Please accept the enclosed certificate for two free dinners on us. We look forward to meeting you.

Sincerely yours,

(name)

General Manager...

Cracker Barrel

The local Cracker Barrel saw an opportunity and jumped on it.

I once told this story at a Fred Pryor seminar as an example of a company jumping on an opportunity another screwed up.

I wouldn't be surprised if the host of that seminar is still using that story today.

Cheddar's has long since closed.

Good riddance.

McDummies

2011-08-05T11:50:00.000-05:00

Place: McDonald's
Lunch: Big Mac, Filet-o-Fish, fries, Hi-C Orange Lavaburst

The new McDonald's just up the street from the office opened today. The sign in front said "Coming July". That didn't happen, obviously. They should pass a law that says new businesses that miss their advertised opening dates have to demolish their new building and start construction over.

It's only fair.

I walk up to the door. Frowning McEmployee is blocking the door. "We can't take credit cards," he says. "It's cash only."

"Well then, I guess I'll pay cash," I reply.

He stands there continuing to block the door, glaring at me.

"Can I go in now?" I ask.

He slowly moves away from the door, continuing to glare. He doesn't offer to open it.

I go in.

Smiling Counter Girl, who is barely taller than the cash register but far more pleasant than the guy at the door, greets me. I give her my order. She gives me my total. I give her a twenty. She gives me eleven ones in change.

The dining room has got to be the most drab McDonald's dining room I've seen yet. Brown, brown, beige, brown, brown, brown, beige...there's like a dozen shades of brown and beige. Some of the chairs are silver, but it's all dull shades of brown and beige otherwise. Do you know what I would give to find a McDonald's with the eighties "Jungle Concept" interior intact?

The Filet-o-Fish is fine. The fries are fine. The Big Mac is...missing a patty? Really? Oh, no...they just assembled it wrong. Both patties are under the middle bun.

You'd think all the formally dressed managers observing the first-day operations would be working the dining room, asking customers about their experience, wouldn't you. But they're not. They're just standing around the order area taking up space. They don't look remotely interested in anything going on.

Going home for a couple of days, making this the fourth weekend in a row I've spent time in the air.

Football season is coming up. I'll settle down for awhile then.

Wheels Up

2011-07-31T14:30:00.002-05:00

Place: Which Wich?
Lunch: Italian grinder, house chips, ice water

Dumb name, right? The whole experience is weird to boot. You order by finding a (sand)Wich on a menu board, then finding a corresponding bag number. Then you take a red Sharpie (or green if it's to go) and fill out little ovals on the bag like you were taking one of those SRA tests in school. You enter which (sand)Wich you want, you enter how you want it made and with what ingredients, and you write your name in a box at the bottom. Then you hand the bag to Frowning Counter Guy, tell him if you want other things like chips and a drink, and pay. Then Smiling (Sand)Wich Maker makes your (sand)Wich and hands it to you in said bag.

In any case, the resulting (sand)Wich is awesome. Pepperoni, salami, and capicola on a toasted white bun with mozzarella, pickles, black olives, mushrooms, red onions, and spicy mayo.

SO good.

I spent yesterday at AirVenture 2011, an absurdly huge air show/expo held annually in Oshkosh, Wisconsin. The show has been going on for years and just has to be the biggest show of its kind. Hundreds of planes (edit: "over 10,000 planes" according to an article I read) from every era of flying are on display. Hundreds of vendors relating to anything involving flying are hocking their wares. Major aircraft manufacturers such as Cessna and Beechcraft were there. Rolls Royce, who manufacturers jet engines, was there. Even Zeppelin was there. I was surprised to see both Bose and Sennheiser, who apparently make pilot headset/microphone sets, among the vendors. It was THAT extensive. The show is so significant that Boeing flew their forthcoming 787 Dreamliner in on Friday and gave the first ever public tours of it. Historically, they've even had visits from a British Airways Concorde when it was still flying.

I first heard of this show last year and thought it would be neat to see, and I considered making plans to go this year, but ultimately decided against it. Until, that is, a contest came up I was reasonably sure I could win.

And I did.

The winners got seats on Southwest's employee 'ferry flight' to the show. Southwest was scheduled to put a 737 on display at the show Saturday with tours of the aircraft. This is a marquee highlight of the show...most planes are hands-off.

The 110 passengers on the plane were largely Southwest employees who had volunteered to take shifts working at the event. This included manning the plane for tours, manning Southwest's public lounge, and manning Southwest's 'private party' employee/VIP tent.

We made the 29 minute flight from Chicago's Midway airport (which is now an all new airport...new terminal, new parking garage, new concourse...very nice), arriving just before 8am. People were sitting on the grass parallel to the length of the runway, stationed to have prime viewing of the flying shows. It's really neat to have lines of people waving at you as you taxi in.

We got off the plane outside on jet stairs as people watched. Southwest made it as big a spectacle as possible by dressing us all in special event shirts and caps with the intention of creating an impressive visual. This had an unintended side effect that happened throughout the show...Since I looked like a Southwest employee, people assumed I was an employee of the whole show and regularly asked me all sorts of questions about "where is this" and "how do I find that". Somebody asked me if the Southwest jet was "the Dreamliner".

(No...that was only here Friday.)

Anyway, I saw lots and lots of planes, got really really hot (89 and humid, you know...I look like a boiled lobster today), and had a bratwurst for lunch, being in Wisconsin and all.

The air show was awesome. They had flyovers of several aircraft and a faux air battle between fighters that included ground pyro. Very impressive.

But probably the most impressive part of the day for me was experiencing the Southwest employee culture up close. These people love their company and it's very apparent the company loves them. Pulling this off was significantly more difficult than it looks on paper and required a lot of logistical planning, and like anything of this magnitude, not everything went right. But there was no shortage of employees willing to take the lead in solving a crisis, and no shortage of employees willing to assist.

There's a reason Southwest is better at what they do than any other airline. And I enjoyed experiencing it up close for a day.

Borders

2011-07-19T12:30:00.002-05:00

Place: Shakey's Pizza
Lunch: Lunch buffet, Shakey's draft root beer

If you told me ten years ago that the Shakey's name would still exist, let alone that I'd be eating in a brand new one, I wouldn't have believed it.

But here we are. It's in a strip mall. It's a dedicated buffet format, though you can order take-out. There's a game room too. The buffet has three pre-made salads (a Caesar and two mystery salads...all three are pretty good), a few pastas, Mojo potatoes, a couple of soups, and pizzas. Think Cici's, but a little nicer, and a little pricier. And it's Shakey's pizza, which is a good thing. There are optional sides you can order, but they cost extra. Table servers introduce themselves and deliver the appetizer orders. They don't seem to do drink refills. I've been getting my own. I think they want tips anyway. Maybe. I doubt they're getting any tips, which might explain why they look so frustrated.

The decor focuses on retro. The old Shakey's logo is painted on a brick wall. Old ads are framed on the walls everywhere. The place just screams "Look who we used to be!".

But, as a friend of mine pointed out, "it's not what it used to be. It's a buffet." And while Shakey's has done the buffet format in various forms since the late 1980's, he has a point.

While a nearly dead old brand experiences a resurgence, yet another big box retailer is going away. Borders is going to liquidate. I can't begin to describe how little this will affect my life.

Some of you may think of Borders as the big book store that was nearly identical to Barnes & Noble. But Borders has also been the parent company of Waldenbooks, the mall book store chain you've known far longer, since 1994 when then-owner K-Mart merged the two chains.

Waldenbooks is the brand name I'll keep memories of. The book store in a mall slot that had a seemingly magical ability to cram tons of titles into a relatively small space. And they'd order stuff for you they didn't have. The local mom-and-pop bookstore of my childhood, a monopoly that charged 5 percent above retail on everything just because they could, really hated to be bothered with such things. Usually, they'd just lie to you and say the title was out of print.

Waldenbooks had a store design that could be installed in an empty mall space in nine days. Waldenbooks also had the far cooler name. It just rolls off the tongue. Wal-den-books. Hard to believe somebody could screw that up.

I suppose nobody really did screw it up so much as the business model is obsolete. The big Borders stores were designed for book lovers who liked to browse, sample, feel the paper. But in the age of the iPad, Kindle, and Nook, who needs cumbersome paper books, magazines, and newspapers? Besides...the people who have a love affair with paper books tend to be snobby people who shun chains in favor of independent stores. The music and movie sections were almost completely pointless. Prices were ridiculous.

When our local Borders opened (well, relocated into the modern format...we had an older, much smaller Borders for years before that), I shopped them for their extensive selection of magazines and Sunday newspapers from around the country. Both of those became less important as the internet evolved, and I ultimately had little use for Borders besides Christmas gift shopping (I'm not much of a book reader). The last time I shopped there was about a year ago when I discovered online that the local store had an out-of-print movie in stock that I really wanted. I had to pay full price for it...but I got it.

When the local store closed, more people were excited than sad because rumors that Whole Foods Market were going to take its place immediately spread. This proved to be inaccurate, but Whole Foods IS coming...to another part of the same shopping center. Apparently, the Best Buy in the center is downsizing and Whole Foods will take part of their space, plus some neighboring space.

Best Buy downsizing?

Wow.

Here's Your Change

2011-06-13T12:00:00.001-05:00

Place: Cici's Pizza
Lunch: Lunch buffet, Dr Pepper

Dora isn't on. Whatever IS on looks absolutely horrible. For awhile, we were getting the Madagascar penguins in the Dora time slot. I had no idea they had a TV series.

I'm starting to think I should stop carrying cash and just swipe my debit card wherever I go. Why? Consider today and this past weekend...

13th Avenue Warren Theatre, Friday - A movie ticket is $7.00. I give Ticket Seller $22. She gives me $14 in change. I stare blankly.

Ticket Seller: "It's $7.00. You gave me $21."

Me: "No, I gave you $22."

"Right. It's $7.00, and you gave me $22."

"Yes. 22 minus 7 is 15."

"I...oh."

She takes the $4 back and gives me a $5.

Freddy's in Topeka - Saturday - Lunch costs $6.42. I give Smiling Counter Girl $22. She stares blankly, then hands me back the $2. "It's only $6.42," she says.

Me: "Yes. But I don't want a bunch of $1's in change."

She doesn't understand and CALLS A MANAGER OVER.

He understands, of course, and tries to explain it to her. She doesn't get it.

"Just input $22 into the register."

She does, still looking confused. "You want all fives, then?" she asks.

"I don't care if it's a five and a ten. I just don't want a bunch of $1's!"

Light bulb.

"OHHHHHHH!"

Manager laughs. I don't. Manager realizes this and stops laughing as I shrug my shoulders and give him an 'Are you KIDDING?' look.

Today, Cici's - Lunch is $6.76. I give Counter Guy $22.01. He inputs $220.01. I am due $213.25 in change.

He gives me $13.25 in change.

"No, it's $15.25. I gave you $22."

He's confused, but eventually decides I'm right.

Is the youth of America really getting that dumb?

Or is $22 just a bad luck number for currency?

Barstow Taco

2011-05-31T11:30:00.039-05:00

Place: Arby's
Lunch: Arby's 'Shroom & Swiss, potato cakes, Pepsi

I can't remember the last time I actually liked an Arby's LTO. I like this one, though.

The NHL just announced that the Atlanta Thrashers have been sold to a group that's moving the team to Winnipeg. They haven't announced a name yet, but they HAVE to go with the Jets, right?

I still have a Jets jersey. Never saw them play in the old Winnipeg Arena, but I did see them play at Colorado in their last season. I did see a couple of concerts in the old Winnipeg Arena. That was one odd building.

You can add Henderson, Nevada to the short list of cities I wouldn't mind living in. A nice house in the hills overlooking the Las Vegas area. A telescope on the deck that allows me to view the strip and aircraft taking off and landing at McCarran. Easy access to all that is fun about Vegas from a safe distance.

I based myself there over the Memorial Day weekend. Played some pinball, ate at all the cool California fast food chains, wandered Fry's Electronics (where every answer from every employee is always "I don't know, that's not my department"), and spent all of two hours on the strip, which is a lovely walk on a Sunday morning. The strip's newest property, The Cosmopolitan, is really nice.

Started a road trip to Barstow that sort of accidentally ended in Los Angeles, where I visited my brother and had dinner with @nyssa23 and @jammer427. Checked out California's first Freddy's Frozen Custard & Steakburgers, who are doing Wichita proud. Checked out the Barstow Del Tacos, whose tacos are so much better than the national Del Tacos, one has to wonder just what the national Del Taco is thinking not moving to that taco meat recipe themselves.

Barstow is the original home of Del Taco, and founder Ed Hackbarth and partners (family?) still franchise units there. But their tacos differ from the national chain. Their "Barstow Taco" meat has a different, milder seasoning blend, and the shells are fuller. $1.29 gets you a nearly full shell of beef with lettuce and cheese falling over the top. Eat a national Del Taco version afterward...in regular OR "classic" form....and you just might want to add Barstow to the list of cities YOU wouldn't mind living in.

Or take road trips to.

From Henderson.

Hot Dog

2011-05-17T11:30:00.031-05:00

Place: Burger King
Lunch: Whopper (no tomato), onion rings (with zesty sauce), Dr. Pepper

I give Smiling Counter Girl my order. She shouts to the back "WHOPPERRRRR!"

Me: "Did you tell them 'no tomato'?

She gives me a genuine "oh noes!" look. "NO TOMATOOOOOOH!"

The order is ready before I've even finished getting my drink, and I'm the only customer in the building, so you know it was assembled out of stuff sitting around for who knows how long. The fries look cold. Wait...I didn't order fries.

"I asked for onion rings."

Smiling Counter Girl: "Oh...you did?"

She takes the fries, puts them under the warming light for the next customer, and immediately produces onion rings.

Somehow, the food's okay anyway.

Yesterday was a work travel day. Three and a half hours out, an hour of nonsense, three and a half hours back. It's a living.

On the way back, I was feeling REALLY hungry, and I had a specific craving. I wanted a hot dog.

Simple enough, right?

RIGHT?

Kum & Go (Mile 267) - I pull off the interstate and head to the ginormous fabulously modern Kum & Go that you can see coming for miles. I go inside and head for...well, the bathroom first, but...the roller grill.

No hot dogs.

They have smokey links, cheddar brats, jalapeno brats, and a variety of taquitos.

But the sign that says "Hot Dogs" has nothing in front of it.

The good news? They have $.69 32-ounce fountain sodas. Off I go with a freshly drawn Pepsi.

Casey's (Mile 240) - Yay! Hot dogs! But why do they look like they're covered in sludge? Oh...because they're practically frozen. These were JUST put on the grill.

Tanger Factory Outlets (Mile 220) - 55 stores and not one sells hot dogs. But that's okay. I really stopped here to find a spatula.

Ever since that McDonald's commercial with the jealous spatula (aka "hamburger flipper" for spatula purists who only believe a spatula is a flat utensil used for smoothing frosting on cakes) started airing, I've wanted a really nice new spatula. I'm sure that wasn't the thing McDonald's was going for when they made that ad, but that's what happened with me. I want to replace my crappy black plastic flipper with a nice spatula with a stainless steel body and a black woodish-knife-like handle. But I haven't been able to find one anywhere except Williams-Sonoma, who had EXACTLY what I was looking for...for FORTY SIX DOLLARS. Jeepers. Declined on principle.

So I go into Le Gourmet Chef...no.

So I go into Corning-Revere...no.

So I go into Kitchen Collection...and they had something called an "oversized cookie spatula". It had the black handle. It was heavy duty stainless steel. But the flipper end had a massive oval shape. Price? $9.99.

SO bought it.

I still want a normal shaped one too, though.

Smiling Counter Girl tried to get me to buy a skillet. "You get free tongs with it!" she exclaimed, snapping the tongs at me. I passed. "But this is our last set of free tongs! Until we unload the truck!"

Then I saw the Reebok store sign and remembered I'd been thinking about getting new shoes. Reebok's ZigTech shoes, specifically. Because if Peyton Manning is your spokesman, I'm totally buying it.

ZigTechs are supposed to be these modern shoes full of technology that, more or less, make you walk funny. Given their obnoxious style, they also make you look funny. They had ZigTechs-a-plenty. A couple of styles were on clearance, saving $20-$30 over the usual $99.99 price. Only one of the styles on clearance was available in my size, of course. (12, if you were wondering.) And those were the ones with the obnoxious yellow soles. Bought 'em anyway. Nervous Counter Girl looked and acted like she thought she recognized me from America's Most Wanted or something. No idea why, but I'm pretty sure she thought she was gonna die.

bp (Mile 220) - On the way out of the factory outlets, I made my third attempt to get a hot dog. This store didn't even HAVE a roller grill, let alone hot dogs. Really? What's the point in owning a convenience store if you're not going to have a totally boss roller grill to show off to your friends? Actually, they also didn't have employees. There wasn't a soul in here. There was no noise in the back either. Maybe the Reebok girl called ahead and told these people to run for their lives.

Kwik Star (Mile 201) - What's THIS? HOT DOGS! Jumbo hot dogs! FINALLY!

I dress a bun, drop a hot dog in, and pay.

I finally have my hot dog...and it's not very good.

In fact, it's crap.

I eat like two bites and toss it.

Oh well. Craving's gone.

Self Indulgence

2011-05-01T15:00:00.009-05:00

Place: Yogurtland
Lunch: Frozen yogurt topped with fruits and love and harmony and stuff

This is technically the after-lunch treat, but since it fits today's blog theme, you are none the wiser. Except that I just told you. Forget I said that.

Remember when the only place you could get soft-serve frozen yogurt was TCBY? And they had like three flavors if you were lucky?

Your options have increased exponentially in recent years. Frozen Yogurt (known as 'fro-yo' in youthful hipster circles) has gone upscale with newcomers like Pinkberry and Red Mango, both who offer traditional treat shops where counter people make your treat. Both outlets offer limited standard and seasonal flavors with several available toppings.

But the big craze emerging is self-serve frozen yogurt. These stores offer a bunch of different flavors, and you get to make your own concoction.

There are several players with dreams of becoming the king of the concept. The players include (but are not limited to): Yogurtland, Orange Leaf, Cherry Berry, Yogurt Story, Yogurtini, Fiji Yogurt, Josie's, Peachwave, and Menchie's, just to name a few. And about a bajillion independent imitators are going up too, lots of whom seem to like to use the name "Yogurt World" or some variation (I can find lots of Yogurt Worlds, but no sign of an organized chain).

They're multiplying like rabbits, they are. I had no idea either until international pop music sensation Stephanie Mabey brought it to my attention. You may thank her by buying all of her records (here and here).

Don't think the older chains aren't noticing. Both Red Mango and TCBY are now offering a self-serve format to potential franchisees.

So over the past couple of weeks, I've been checking some of these places out. Here's what I've found...

They all work exactly the same way. You walk in and grab an empty container. You face the imposing wall of soft-serve dispensers. You pick your flavor...or mix a bunch of flavors. You move to the topping bar. You add toppings, which usually include a variety of fruits, candy, fake cookie batter and cheesecake pieces, nuts, and even breakfast cereal. I put Cap'n Crunch on something somewhere. It was WEIRD. The cashier weighs your concoction and charges you a flat by-the-ounce price ($.35 to $.43 depending on store). Oh...and most of these places have a tip jar. Because the counter person did such a good job of...taking your money.

(Note to self: Write ranting blog post about fast food tip jars.)

They usually have decor packages that look like they were designed by teenage girls. Funky modern plastic seating is almost universally mandatory, as is colorful mosaic tiles surrounding the self-serve yogurt dispensers. Heck...even their websites mostly look like they were designed by the same person. Now that I think about it, the yogurt dispensers all look like they're made by the same company. I wonder if there's a single individual out there going door-to-door selling people yogurt machines and an instruction manual on how to create a franchising empire.

The popularity of the concept seems to be three-fold...Some people are under the impression yogurt is healthier than ice cream, so eating this instead should automatically increase their life expectancy by sixty-three years. Some people like this because they can actually make a treat in a smaller, more reasonable portion size and pay a lower price. Some like it because it's just fun to go nuts making a really awesome treat.

ONE guess which camp I fall in.

Here's a lovely summary of the visits I made and the fro-yo that was had...

Yogurt Story - I was innocently driving down the road minding my own business when I saw the signage and thought "Hey, that's clever." So I pulled in.

At first, I had no idea what was going on. I'd never heard of a self-serve treat joint before. Smiling Counter Girl, who had absolutely nothing better to do, didn't make any effort to relieve my obvious confusion. But I got the idea after watching others.

I grabbed a cup and made three mini-treats, a pattern which I've since continued. I had Strawberry, Cake Batter, and NY Cheesecake. I put blackberries on the Strawberry, strawberries on the NY Cheesecake, and cookie dough bits on the Cake Batter. The NY Cheesecake was sort of disappointing. The Cake Batter was incredible.

Yogurtini - Yogurtini's decor looked like they pillaged a Spring Hill Suites lobby. They had sixteen flavors available. Their topping bar was by far the most extensive of any I've been to. The two guys working there were friendly and went out of their way to be helpful to obvious newbies, a standout example compared to the other stores. I tried Birthday Cake Batter, Chelsey's Cheesecake, and Orange Creamsicle. I was hoping Orange Creamsicle would be a worthy successor to the amazing Orange Sherbet Twist I used to get at the nearly extinct Hogi Yogi chain. Yeah, not so much. Chelsey's Cheesecake was easily my favorite here. (A couple of the chains have an orange sorbet in their rotation, but it wasn't available at the stores when I visited them.)

Peachwave - Peachwave's decor looked like they pillaged a Spring Hill Suites lobby, but painted it all green and orange. There were twelve flavors on hand. I tried Cookies and Cream, Cheese Cake (really...the sign separated the words), Cupcake, and Vanilla. The flavors here were much more mellow and the yogurt seemed a little creamier. Vanilla won out here.

Orange Leaf - Orange Leaf's decor looked like they pillaged a Peachwave after Peachave pillaged a Spring Hill Suites lobby and painted everything green and orange. Except for the awesome orange vinyl couches. Peachwave didn't have those. Orange Leaf's spoons were shaped like a little plastic shovel. Cute. Sixteen flavors, one noted as being Greek-style. Ever tried Greek-style yogurt? It's gross. Icelandic yogurt, which Wikipedia tells me is technically not yogurt but soft cheese, is also gross. Actually, I don't even eat ordinary lowfat store yogurt anymore since I discovered Brown Cow Cream Top whole milk yogurt (available at Whole Foods, some health stores, and if you live in Utah, Harmon's.) I sure seem to like these low fat frozen yogurts, though.

Anyway, I had Raspberry Lemonade, Brownie Batter, Confetti Cake, and Red Velvet. Which one was the best? Too close to call. I guess I'll go with Brownie Batter for originality. I could taste the Raspberry Lemonade flavor for hours after eating it.

Josie's - Josie's looks like an Orange Leaf after they...oh forget it. They had this whole rambling diatribe posted on the wall about how they use 'pure crystalline fructose' instead of high fructose corn syrup in their yogurts. They go on to claim that you can parallel the growth of type 2 diabetes with the growth of HFCS. They also claim that pure crystalline fructose is sweeter than table sugar, so they use less of it. If you ever went on a blind date with somebody who talked like this read, you'd probably be bored to tears and hope they never call you again.

Josie's had ten flavors, including a lovely watermelon sorbet. I had that and New York Cheese Cake (again, like Peachwave, two words) and Mountain Ripe Strawberry, which I piled some real strawberries on. The watermelon sorbet won, but the strawberry was also excellent.

Frogurt - A small chain of a half dozen stores in the Salt Lake City area. There's another two-store operation in North Carolina and Virginia using this brand, but they're not related. The eastern operation has a frog in their logo, because frog-flavored yogurt would be AWESOME.

Utah's Frogurt is the only chain with a manly decor that I've seen. Yellow walls. Brownish yellow walls. A faux sandy stone tile facade around the yogurt machines. Dark brown leather sofas. Chrome-backed chairs. Dude.

Their signage said "over 16 flavors to choose from", but they only had twelve dispensers, and only seven of them were in service. I tried Cookies & Cream, French Vanilla, Hawaiian Delight Sorbet, Cheesecake, and Strawberry. My favorite would have to be a toss-up between Cheesecake and Cookies & Cream, but truth be known, they were all really good.

(**UPDATE** At least some of Utah's Frogurt stores were being converted to 'U-Swirl' franchisees by the end of 2011. I've had them in Vegas. Nothing remarkable to report.)

Menchie's - The name comes from a mistranslation gone horribly wrong. But it reminds me of one of those made-up words like "Qdoba" or "Panera", so there you go.

Menchie's differs from the pack in a few ways. First off, their decor is a little more original. Not much, but a little. Second, they offer an optional waffle bowl to use instead of a regular cup. Third, they have pre-packed take-home containers for sale. Finally, they sell all sorts of Menchie's-branded merchandise. Buttons. Stickers. T-shirts. Hats. Koozies. And a plushie version of the Menchie's mascot. Jeepers.

Most of their flavors were labeled non-fat. I tried German Chocolate Cake, Very Berry Sorbet, Cake Batter, Pecan Nut, Hart(?) Tart, and Vanilla Snow. I'll note that the last two don't actually appear as choices on their website. My favorite? None of the above. I really didn't care for any of these. I think it was the lack of creaminess.

Their topping bar had an extensive selection of nuts and candy toppings. They were short on fruits.

Lemon Tree - Two-store franchising empire out of Kansas City. Total rip-off. Their flavors didn't include lemon OR tree. And the idiots who work there can't print a receipt to save their lives. The machine prints one just fine, but they insist they need it, and getting a re-print turns into a major production. The third (and last) time I went there, the girl actually hand wrote one on a post-it for me. None of the other fro-yo joints I went to had a problem printing me a receipt. NONE. And I don't like any of Lemon Tree's flavors. NONE of them. Naturally, this is the ONLY fro-yo place that's available locally, or even in my entire STATE.

CherryBerry - Apple green interior with glossy red mini-brick tiles around the machines. I forgot to write down what I had or how many machines there were, but the standout flavor was Snickerdoodle Cookie Batter. That was awesome.

Yogurtland - Super Nice Counter Guy: "It's slow today."

Me: "Well, it's Sunday."

SNCG: "It's always slow during the day. It's busier at night."

Me: "Probably because of the (neighboring) movie theatre."

SNCG: "Yeah. But it's nice during the day because we have everything topped off and people can take their time making their yogurt."

Upon paying, he asks me what color spoon I like. "Doesn't matter." I get green.

16 flavors. I tried Devil's Food Cupcake Batter, Madagascar Vanilla Bean, Irish Mint Creme, New York Cheesecake, Red Velvet Cupcake Batter, and Blood Orange Tart. Devil's Food Cupcake Batter was my favorite. They NAILED that flavor. It's promoted on a window poster as being available for a limited time only. Are they NUTS? This NEEDS to be here full-time.

Mix Devil's Food with a little of the Blood Orange Tart and you have a really nice chocolate-orange flavor with an international flair.

Decor was more conservative than others with non-funky chairs. Sort of disappointing given their overly cute logo.

So who's the winner? I think I'd have to go with Orange Leaf, but most of them were good. Menchie's and Lemon Tree are the only ones I might not see the point of returning to.

Financially, they ALL seem to be big winners currently.

Cracks in the Aircraft

2011-04-04T12:00:00.003-05:00

Place: McDonald's
Lunch: 2 Filet-O-Fish, fries, Dr. Pepper

It's fast food fish season (aka "lent" for you religious freaks). 2 Filet-O-Fish are $3.33. Culver's Northwoods Walleye is back. And over the weekend, I finally tried Freddy's fish sandwich, which consists of two pieces of fish with cheese on a regular hamburger bun garnished with "Freddy sauce" (the same stuff they put on their fake In-N-Out "California Style" burger). Holy crap...it was awesome.

The poor kids over at Southwest sure didn't have a good weekend, did they. One of their older Boeing 737-300 Classics developed a five-foot tear in its fuselage mid-flight. The cabin depressurized. Oxygen masks deployed. The pilots made a quick dive to an altitude where they didn't need pressurization and ultimately safely landed the aircraft to much applause from the freaked out passengers.

I imagine it must have felt like a roller coaster ride where you actually think "Jeepers. I just might die right now."

Probably less matter-of-factly than that. Unless it was a flight full of Monks.

(By the way, if you didn't know, the official Boeing pronunciation of all Boeing models is to sound the second number as a single digit..."737" is "seven-THREE-seven", not "seven-THIRTY-seven", for example. Nobody but Boeing employees and me seem to know this.)

I'm probably dwelling on it just a little bit more than you are because I just flew on an even older Southwest 737-300 a couple of weeks ago. In fact, I flew on two of them. Ironically, as I sat in one waiting to taxi, I looked around at the immaculate cabin and thought "Gee, they sure do keep these up well."

Oops.

Southwest, in conjunction with Boeing, is conducting a "high-frequency EDDY" test on 79 of the 737-300's, which can find fuselage cracks the naked eye can't see. So far, three aircraft have been identified as having cracks.

This isn't a first. In 2009, a Southwest flight developed a 'football-size' hole in flight. That plane also landed safely, was repaired, and back in the fleet within a week (it still is). But Southwest is calling this weekend's issue "a new and unknown issue", suggesting the tear that happened on this flight was in an area previously not thought to be vulnerable.

Why is this happening? Lots of people are pointing out that Southwest runs their aircraft hard. They operate over 3,400 flights a day using 548 aircraft which make an average SIX stops per day. For example, my flight was a single leg of a day-long journey that the aircraft started in Baltimore, then Houston, Dallas, Kansas City, Chicago, Nashville, and Albany. All done with roughly 30-minute turnarounds at each stop.

All those takeoffs and landings means a lot of compression and decompression of the aircraft, which is hard on the fuselage.

So it'll be interesting to see if this incident leads to a new issue being confirmed and inspections expand to other carriers.

Some are speculating on that, but nobody's officially suggesting it

Yet.

April

2011-04-01T11:53:00.003-05:00

Place: Taco Bell
Lunch: Pacific shrimp taco (no tomato), beef combo burrito, nachos supreme (no tomato), Dr. Pepper

This is that ridiculous old Taco Bell in an old Sambo's building I'm sure I've mentioned before. It's a hodge podge of bad paint, old Taco Bell interior pieces, and Sambo's flooring. The seating, which was brought in recently, is from a Taco Bell eighties decor package that was repurposed from another Taco Bell that either got remodeled or demolished and replaced. (Not from a Taco Bell around here, mind you. NO local Taco Bell EVER had an eighties decor package in this market.)

There are far newer Taco Bell buildings than this dump out there that have been demolished and replaced with even newer Taco Bells.

Apparently, this long-running absurdity is going to continue. They put up a new menu board. Or maybe it's an old menu board new to this location. It looks completely out of place, of course.

Smiling Counter Girl is new. So new that she has no idea how to run the register. Big Old Biker Dude...the shift manager...is cheerfully assisting her. "So you hit 'Taco', then you hit...no, that's actually the Combo button. Take that off."

She does.

"Now hit Taco...no, you hit Combo again."

This goes on so long that he announces my drink will be free for being so patient, which of course only causes MORE confusion on how to do that at the register. By the time she's taken my money, the kitchen has already made everything. The good news being that, as Taco Bell goes, the food is pretty well made.

After all the craziness of March (five airports, four rental cars, one auto show, major car repairs, taxes), April is a blank slate.

I should settle in at home this month. Maybe get some projects done.

Or maybe just be horribly lazy.

Street Cred

2011-03-21T11:35:00.012-05:00

Place: Qdoba
Lunch: Chicken Mexican Gumbo, Dr. Pepper

Just back from a Texas weekend. Saw Duran Duran at the previously-blogged-about WinStar in Thackerville, OK. Got in some LTO's (Limited Time Offerings) at various chains. Whataburger currently has strawberry pies...you know, the fast food version of a pie, deep fried burrito-shaped thingies...but with strawberry filling. I don't normally like fast food pies, but these are the exception. And if you find yourself near a Taco Cabana, their Shrimp Tampico Enchiladas are awesome.

While ordering my gumbo today, I noticed Qdoba is now offering "street tacos". I also saw "street tacos" at Taco Bueno yesterday. Actually, it seems to me I've seen the term "street taco" a lot lately.

What's the deal? It's the latest fad in fast food...taking what started out as a street vendor item and making it legit. The Americanized street taco, which is actually based on the original Mexican taco concept from the days before Glen Bell invented the modern pre-fab hard shell, tends to be a soft corn tortilla wrapped around a meat filling with maybe a salsa or cilantro and onion mixture. The meat fillings are almost never ground beef...they're shredded beef, pork, or chicken. Or maybe fish. Some chains aren't calling them 'street tacos', opting instead for 'cantina tacos' (Taco Bell) or 'tacos del carbon' (Del Taco).

Not just tacos either. The Wienerschnitzel bacon-wrapped street dog is similar to a commonly-sold item by hot dog vendors around stadiums according to my brother. (I had one over the weekend. OH MY it was good.)

I suppose I should try the food actually being sold by real street vendors, but we don't really have any of them around here. And I get annoyed with the ones out west because the bums are constantly hanging around them panhandling unsuspecting pedestrians. ("Hey friend! Do you have change? I'm only 35 cents short of a taco!")

I wonder if they're going to start hanging around in Qdobas now.

Auto Show 2011

2011-03-13T11:50:00.003-05:00

Place: Taco Tico
Lunch: Four tacos (mild, plus meat, no tomato), cheese enchilada, Pepsi (easy on the ice)

Spent Friday in the air, mostly. Got home around 7, adored the cats, got a phone message birthday greeting from my father (who never ever leaves a callback number), spent the evening catching up on stuff, and slept for about three hours before getting up and driving to Minnesota.

I don't get it either.

It's Auto Show time. It works like this...Get up at 4, drive to Minneapolis, stop at the Bloomington White Caste for breakfast (which is in a new building this year...I don't see what was wrong with the old one, but what do I know), drive through the ridiculous construction between 494 and downtown, park at the 11th & Marquette garage on the skywalk level, cross the skywalk, enter the convention center, realize you're a half hour early, and stand around with all the other people who are a half hour early. It's been this way for at least the past decade. Don't argue with logic.

The only thing that strayed from this routine this year was that there actually WASN'T any construction on 35W coming into downtown. Unheard of.

On the way up, I saw Burnsville Volkswagen is FINALLY getting their new building. This poor old VW dealership, one of the highest volume sellers in the country (I bought my Beetle there and had several of my cars serviced there over the years), has been operating out of a small old building along 35W at Cliff Road near almost nothing for years. They purchased the nearby Knox Lumber property with plans for a new building like ten years ago. The City of Burnsville ultimately wouldn't let it happen...they wanted park space or some such nonsense. There were apparently several other false starts at several other locations as well. Finally, the Saturn dealership building down on Burnsville's modern dealership row opened up and they decided to move down there. VW stopped that because the building didn't meet their specifications. Luther Auto, the dealership owner, finally acquired some property to the north near TGI Friday's for an all-new VW-spec state-of-the-art dealership. VW, in turn, caved and let Burnsville VW temporarily move into the old Saturn building. Anyway, the new building is well underway and looks like it's going to be freaking huge. The Saturn building is rumored to have a future as either a new Hyundai or Fiat dealership once Burnsville VW gets settled.

Meanwhile, back at the Auto Show...the parking garage got rid of human ticket sellers in favor of automation. Parking was actually cheaper at $5, but the signs said $9 (which was the price last year), so maybe they screwed up.

While standing around waiting for the doors to open, I heard a 'meow'. Then some lady walked by with a cart hauling about a half dozen pet carriers, all filled with cats. Turns out they're having a pet expo in one of the ballrooms. Based on what I saw while waiting for the show to start, it was an all cat affair.

The big surprise this year was the smaller footprint the show took up. Usually, the big convention center space is entirely used end-to-end. This year, they had a quarter of the north end curtained off. Never seen that before.

So they open the doors and everybody streams in. The first thing you see as you enter are some "Cars" character mockups. Lightning McQueen, Tow Mater, and what I assume is Finn McMissle from the forthcoming "Cars 2". Very well done.

Onward to this year's highlights...

Fiat 500 - I knew exactly where I was going first. I've been wanting to see one of these for awhile now. Oh yes...they're as neat in person as they are in photos. It seats comfortably, and the Luther Auto rep (Luther will be opening the first two Twin Cities Fiat dealerships) said she'd been driving one for a couple of weeks and they "feel a lot bigger on the road than you'd think". Their first area dealership opens in "about two weeks". I'm totally thinking one of these would be a blast for beating around town in (outside of winter, of course).

Hyundai Veloster - Apparently coming in 2012. Sort of looks like a shorter, rounder Nissan Juke. Hyundai's version of the Kia Soul? Maybe.

Hyundai Elantra - Hyundai's making a lot of noise and marketing effort towards the new Elantra. Which is sort of like heavily hyping a store-brand bag of chips.

Chevrolet Sonic - Sonic replaces Aveo, and is basically an Aveo redesign with a new name and a more Chevrolet-like front end. Sort of. Like the Aveo, it's sort of goofy looking.

Chevrolet Cruze - what's THIS? A manual transmission? In a base Chevrolet economy model? NOBODY buys manual transmissions in America! The teardrop headlights are a nice enhancement.

Chevrolet Equinox - Jeepers, Chevy. Would it kill you to attach the freaking battery so I can adjust the electric seats? Hyundai does.

Chevrolet FREAKING TAHOE - They have a HYBRID? Really? Does it really do better than the 16.5 mpg I averaged in Portland last week? Not enough to substantiate the extra cash, I think.

Chevrolet Volt - It's here, it's on a turntable, and you can't touch it. Or buy it. Up here, anyway. Maybe next year.

GMC - One of the auto show highlights is frustrating the GMC reps with a simple question they can't answer. Questions like "What color does the instrumentation light up in?" This has unintentionally happened almost every year I've come. Tragically, the GMC people appear to be purposely avoiding me this year.

GMC Acadia Denali - The uber-expensive luxury version of GMC's version of GM's "it's not a minivan, honest" people-hauler has two-tone leather and a dark woodish center console. Pretty swank. No push-button start, which is inexcusable in any car in the nearly $50,000 range.

GMC Yukon - Remember when GM would make a single vehicle and give it different names for the Chevrolet, Buick, GMC, and Cadillac versions, but there wouldn't really be anything different about them? GM doesn't really do that anymore...unique styling sets newer models apart. Except for this one. Once I climbed in, there was literally no difference between this and the FREAKING TAHOE I drove in Portland last week.

Nissan Leaf - Nissan's new all-electric (EV) is here. You can even sit in it. Take THAT, Volt. It has lots of futuristic modern oddities in the interior design, highlighted by the funny little knob shifter toggle thingie, which everybody is talking about. A male couple walks by and openly questions the 'zero emission' stickers on the car, claiming 'the electricity itself was produced with emissions'. They know Nissan is referring to the motor output itself, not the electric source...they're just elitist pricks. Cute Car Model says the battery has an eight-year, 100,000 mile warranty, so stop freaking out about the cost of replacing it. It's nice to see manufacturers stepping up with the EV's this way, but until they can get these cars to have a 400-mile range and there's charging stations widely available selling fast recharges at rates significantly less then gas, these are nothing but 'around-town' cars.

(Actually, I predict that we're closer to that reality than we know. A decade or two, maybe.)

Nissan Murano - 2011 model got a refresh with a new instrument cluster and some exterior oddities almost nobody will notice. Big surprise for me was the discovery that the drivers seat automatically moves back when you open the door for ease of exit. THAT'S awesome.

Nissan Rogue - Rogue also received a refresh similar to Murano's. As it happens, my Rogue is going into the shop this week to get a bad wheel bearing fixed, so I rented a car to come up here. Guess what it is? The newly refreshed 2011 Rogue. I'm not sure I like the new all-white instrumentation and trip computer. It's boring, and the trip computer is kind of a distraction. This Rogue does seem to be quieter than mine, as if it has more sound deadening materials.

Nissan Juke - Proving quite popular here. Looks and feels exactly like what it is...an odd little crossover. Nissan's answer to the Kia Soul, I guess. Nissan doesn't understand that it's not the Soul itself that makes it cool...it's the hamsters.

Nissan Cube - So did they give up on this? I can't find it. Wait...there it is...in the fake GMC area. Nissan has an enclosed space next to GMC's, but last year they put their trucks outside the space to confuse GMC buyers. It worked so well that they've done it again this year.

Honda...Ew. What am I doing in the Honda section?

Acura MDX - The bucket sport seats in this crossover are NOT easy to get in and out of.

Acura ZDX - If crossovers are considered tall station wagons, this is a tall hatchback. It has sport bucket seats basically as annoying to get in and out of as the MDX.

Toyota RAV4 - RAV4 got a mild redesign and a sport model that FINALLY lost the rear door-mounted spare. Other models, tragically, still have it. Sales Guy is trying to explain to a potential customer why that is. Good luck, loser.

Toyota Prius - A Prius-C ("concept") was on display with typical futuristic stylings that never ever get developed. The theme with the concept was "Prius Goes Plural?" with possible plural pronunciations of the word Prius (Prii, Prien, and Priuses were suggested). One of the forthcoming plurals is allegedly a full EV version.

Ford Explorer - The venerable Explorer is now a completely different animal. Now on a car-based platform with styling that is easily confused with the Edge. Expensive ones have push-button start. And lighted cup holders. They must be selling...my local Ford dealership can't keep them in stock.

Ford Fiesta - You know that little car in the annoying commercials with all the dancing and the horrible 'ba-da-da-da-da-da-mmm-bop-mmm-bop' music? They're even uglier in person. And NOBODY except little kids were showing any interest.

Scion tC - They squared off the roof which gives the car a deliciously retro muscle car look. Guy sitting on drivers side...a dead ringer for Spinal Tap's David St Hubbins...had a beer in hand. "Don't drink and drive," he quipped with a sneering smile.

Kia Sportage - What makes the all-new Sportage different from the previous versions? Well, it actually looks...sporty. Feels sporty too. I might need to test drive one.

Mitsubishe MiEV - Mitsubishi returns to the Twin Cities Auto Show after a one-year absense with their forthcoming all-electric vehicle. They had two of them here...one a right-side driver in Geek Squad guise, and another American model. It's so narrow that they put the climate dials in a column instead of a row. Very ordinary interior. Zero cool factor.

Mitsubishi Outlander Sport - It's a shorter, sportier Outlander. Panoramic sunroof is actually visible from the drivers seat. I could drive this if I had any faith in Mitsubishi, but they're a far too low volume seller here, and have a reputation for free-falling resale value (which really shouldn't be a concern for me since I tend to drive my cars until the wheels fall off).

VW Jetta - In a desperate attempt to sabotage US sales, VW has been working to make their cars as boring as possible. The new Jetta is such an example. With a side profile instantly familiar to any 10-year old Impala owner and moves like getting rid of the cool blue instrumentation in favor of boring white, I don't see myself owning another one. And my first NINE CARS were VW's.

VW Passat - The new US-built Passat is North American-specific. The rest of the world gets a completely different Passat. I'd take it over the Jetta, but I'm not exactly standing in line for either one.

VW Touareg - The new Touareg is leaner, lighter, and still a complete pig. A hybrid version will be available for around $60,000. How ridiculous is that? The Porsche Cayenne, which is built on the same platform, will have a hybrid version available for $69,000. If you're going to spend that kind of money anyway, why wouldn't you pay the extra nine grand for the Porsche? Or you could just get a Lexus RX hybrid starting at $43,000 (even loaded, it's only $52,000) and spend the savings on an awesome Fiat 500.

HA HA HA HA! The Volvo counter is handing out IKEA catalogs. Didn't Volvo get sold to the Chinese?

Volvo XC60 - I've been kind of interested in these. Then I sat in this one.

Yeah...no.

Freaking Tahoe

2011-03-06T12:45:00.004-06:00

Place: Burgerville
Lunch: Colossal burger, portobello wedges, Northwest cherry chocolate shake

Burgerville is Portland's hometown burger chain. Originally known as Burgerville USA featuring a patriotic theme with menu items like Colonel Burgers, the chain has gone uber-hippie with the slogan "Fresh, Local, Sustainable" with a focus on local premium ingredients and seasonal flavors, plus environmentally friendly business practices. None of which matters to anyone (except hippies) unless the food is good. Yes. It is.

The Portobello Wedges are a limited time offering that really need to stick around. Portobello caps are cut long, panko breaded, and fried. Served with ranch or garlic mayo. Yum.

I'm home for my birthday. I have a fab hotel suite and the biggest rental car you've ever seen...a FREAKING CHEVY TAHOE. I didn't plan it that way, that's just what they gave me. It has leather and nearly auto everything. Auto lights, auto seats, auto climate control, auto beep warning thingie telling you you're about to back into something (a feature which I now want on my next car). The one auto thing it doesn't have? Auto wipers. In PORTLAND.

It's surprisingly easy to park...even parallel if you happen to venture downtown. WAY easier than the previous generation Equinox and its horrible electronic power steering. (I can't compare it to the current one, as I haven't driven one of those yet.)

On the road, it's pretty much like piloting a barge. Not so great on hilly winding narrow two-lane blacktop like Cornell Road.

The trip has been great so far. I flew out on Frontier, the airline with the animal images on their tails. The first leg was on a Midwest Airlines (their fleet is being merged into Frontier's) Embraer 190. This is one of the larger regional aircraft with a 2+2 single-aisle seating configuration. Midwest apparently had a business class...the first four rows had a 2+1 configuration with wider nicer seats. That was a pleasant surprise.

The second leg was on an Airbus A320 featuring Ozzy the Orca on the tail. Regular seats, but nobody sat between me and the woman in the aisle seat, which we appreciated. Frontier's Airbus jets have DirecTV monitors on the seat backs. There I am sitting in the dark watching Craig Ferguson while snacking on cheese curds and Pepsi. Best. Flight. Ever.

Oh...and they serve complementary warm chocolate chip cookies. Very good chocolate chip cookies.

I hung out with the family yesterday. My aunt barbecued some fab hamburgers for lunch and whipped up Grandma's homemade fried chicken for dinner with mashed potatoes, gravy, and biscuits with raspberry jam. Even the raspberry jam is homemade...the most awesome jam you'll ever have. (Well...I'LL ever have. Find your own relatives with a vast knowledge of cooking.) Brought memories of my youth right back.

This morning, I ventured out with the intention of having breakfast. The perfect breakfast to compliment a fabulous home-cooked meal, of course, is Jack in the Box. Ultimate Breakfast Sandwich and two tacos. Breakfast of champions. But the Jack in the Box wasn't open. It LOOKED open...the OPEN sign was on and the order screen at the drive-thru was working...but nobody was there. A Prius was circling the drive-thru, angrily honking its horn by the order window.

I wasn't that motivated.

So I went over to Gresham and found a Jack in the Box with actual people working. Then I went to Safeway for limeade and the morning paper. Then I went back to the hotel and lazily read the Sunday paper, a practice I haven't done in years. Like many of you, I just rely on the web. You know what I realized? Physical newspapers are really cumbersome to read.

Then I got a good swim in before every kid staying in the hotel invaded the pool. Apparently, the magic hour to get under is 9:00am.

The remainder of the day will be with the family again. Dinner is at McCormick & Schmick's.

Awesome birthday.

Facade

2011-02-15T12:00:00.000-06:00

Place: Hardee's
Lunch: Big Roast Beef, 3-piece hand-breaded chicken tenders (with Kickin' Asian sauce), Dr. Pepper

It's rare to find a Hardee's that still offers the Big Roast Beef. It's even rarer to find one that makes it as good as this Hardee's does.

The "Kickin' Asian" sauce being offered with the chicken tenders is pretty good. Reminds me of the Sweet Chili sauce McDonald's was offering with their McNuggets during the last Olympics. Should've become a permanent dipping option. I haven't bought a single McNugget since it went away.

I saw Late Late Show host Craig Ferguson perform his live stand-up act over the weekend in the major metropolis known as Thackerville, Oklahoma. If you've ever driven I-35 at the Oklahoma-Texas border, you've no doubt seen the WinStar World Casino along the east side of the highway. (If you didn't, I hope you weren't driving.) This wasn't Ferguson's first show here, and he often brings it up on the following broadcast. He has a running joke about how he marvels about the structure like it's all real to the guy driving him and his annoyed driver explaining "it's a facaaaade".

It used to be the complex was essentially a big plastic tent. Really. Like they'd taken some white trash bags and stretched them over a frame. At night, you could see the interior lights glowing on the skin. Which looked kind of cool, actually.

Then they put up walls and apparently a real roof. The facade takes up the west wall (which faces the interstate...the other walls are plain) and has eleven different sections that include replicas of Big Ben, the Palace of Westminster, the Roman Colosseum, castles, some Asian thingie, and more. It's an impressive structure.

Inside is a ridiculously huge casino that is split into sections themed as cities. There's New York, Egypt, Vienna, Cairo, Paris, Beijing, Rome, Madrid, and London. It takes...oh...10-20 minutes to walk end-to-end, I think. Maybe I was dawdling.

There's a number of restaurants, including a 'Toby Keith's I Love this Bar and Grill' outlet. There's a hotel, of course, and a golf course. There's also a nearby pawn shop, but that's not run by WinStar.

Then there's the event hall. It's basically a ballroom with an arena-size stage. They fill it with chairs for concerts and comedy acts, including a portable riser section in the back. I'm thinking they can fit 4,000-5,000 seats in here, but I'm just guessing. (Ferguson's opening act implied 4,300 were in attendance, which likely makes this one of the bigger facilities he performs in.)

It gets used, too. Aside from attracting Ferguson, Stone Temple Pilots and Julio Iglesias are performing there this month, and Jay Leno, Duran Duran, and Harry Connick Jr are just a few of the acts booked in March. Shows are booked almost exclusively on Friday and Saturday nights.

Why are these acts playing out in the middle of nowhere? Well, it's not EXACTLY the middle of nowhere...it's just an hour or so from the north edge of the Dallas/Fort Worth metro. So it helps WinStar draw Texans in for gambling.

It's a great room, tickets are reasonable, parking is free, and you can hang out and party all night after the show if you want. The casino is open 24 hours and the buffet (which appears to be woefully small) is open until 3.

What's not to love?

The snow is melting. Temps are inching up.

What's not to love about that either.

Mystery Meat

2011-01-26T11:45:00.039-06:00

Place: Taco Bell
Lunch: Grilled steak taco (no tomato), combo burrito, nachos supreme, root beer

I was inspired to eat here by the recent news stories about somebody filing a lawsuit against Taco Bell claiming that their taco meat...isn't. (Who else would hear such a story and think "Gee, I haven't had a Nachos Supreme in awhile".)

The lawsuit alleges that Taco Bell's "Taco Meat Filling" (as the label on the pre-cooked plastic bags shipped to restaurants reads) is 36 percent beef and otherwise fillers or extenders which, if true, makes it not only not technically "beef", but not even "taco meat filling" (which the suit claims the USDA's Food Standards and Labeling Policy Book says must contain at least 40 percent fresh meat).

Taco Bell has issued a statement..."At Taco Bell, we buy our beef from the same trusted brands you find in the supermarket, like Tyson Foods. We start with 100 percent USDA-inspected beef. Then we simmer it in our proprietary blend of seasonings and spices to give our seasoned beef its signature Taco Bell taste and texture. We are proud of the quality of our beef and identify all the seasoning and spice ingredients on our website. Unfortunately, the lawyers in this case elected to sue first and ask questions later — and got their "facts" absolutely wrong. We plan to take legal action for the false statements being made about our food."

That hasn't stopped the food Nazi's who believe anything that doesn't grow out of the ground organically shouldn't be eaten from jumping all over this and coming up with ways to make this sound as gross as possible. They see an opportunity to get face time, and they're taking it. It DID, however, get several sites to modify the tone of their stories a bit (even if Taco Bell didn't actually specifically name a higher percentage number of the beef content in their response).

(EDIT...They have since I wrote this. "Our seasoned beef recipe contains 88% quality USDA-inspected beef and 12% seasonings, spices, water and other ingredients that provide taste, texture and moisture." They also said "Our seasoned beef contains no "extenders" to add volume, as some might use.")

Extenders in fast food taco meat are not uncommon. I'm relatively sure two of my favorites practice this (actually, I know for a fact one does, and am pretty sure on the other based on texture). There's lots of stuff you can use to make the meat go further. And it's not always done in the name of saving money on beef. There's several health-conscious websites offering up recipes with extenders such as beans and tofu to make things healthier while still offering a real beef taste. Heck...you could technically say I use an extender in my beef enchiladas because I add refried beans to my enchilada meat mixture. Then again, I also call them 'beef and bean enchiladas'.

Really...How much 'healthier' could it be whether or not it's a high percentage of beef? This is Taco Bell. It's still going to be covered in liquid cheese and processed sauces.

Give me specific proof of ingredients that increase potential harm over their regular processed beef in that meat filling, and maybe I'll reconsider.

Maybe

Viva La Beans

2011-01-14T11:30:00.009-06:00

Place: Viva La Bamba
Lunch: Lunch buffet, Coke

Viva La Bamba is the new Mexican joint in the old Urbandale Happy Joe's space that Happy Joe's occupied probably two years longer than they had any right to. (Happy Joe's actually moved into a smaller location over on Douglas Ave, which may as well be renamed the 'Urbandale Pizza Mile'. Does Happy Joe's really do any business?)

Viva La Bamba is a family-owned restaurant, but this is their second location. Their first location is in an old KFC building. When they initially started that one back in 2004, the building 'remodel' was so haphazard that they just painted over the Colonel in the tower on top of the building, and the Colonel's silhouette was still visible. They've come a long way... the new place has been extensively remodeled with a lot of wood and stone. It's easily the nicest decor of any of the local Mexican joints.

One of the things they did was use Happy Joe's old buffet bar to do a small lunch buffet of their own. There's a big pan of beans, taco meat, usually some fajita meat, some enchiladas, and deep-fried tacos (where they fold meat into a shell and deep-fry it). Plus the usual garnishments...lettuce, cheese, some salad dressings, taco and tortilla shells.

The ultimate attraction for me is the beans. I love their beans. Wet soupy beans. And I can have as much of them as I want. Bowls of beans. Beans with cheese. Beans with taco meat and cheese. Beans beans beans. All the freaking beans.

Beans.

They've caught on quickly. They're doing a good business.

So much for the mild weather. It snowed early in the week and we've been in the 0-20 degree range ever since.

But that's January for you.

Viral

2011-01-06T11:30:00.001-06:00

Place: Qdoba
Lunch: Chicken Mexican gumbo (with fiery habanero salsa), Coke (because the Dr. Pepper fountain was spewing nothing but soda water)

Usually when I come in here, the entire crew is sitting in the dining room eating together and they look really put out to have to deal with an actual customer. Today, they actually left somebody working, and he actually appeared to be happy to have a customer. This never ever happens here. Ever.

I'm working through a pretty good head cold this week that kept me at home yesterday. Had some Campbell's Chicken Noodle soup with a little cayenne pepper added in (spicy soups really help clear my head...at least for an hour or two), then slept the entire afternoon away. Pretty deep sleep, I think, because I dreamed. I don't dream much anymore that I remember. I dreamed about Christmas shopping in a rather odd mall. The other shoppers may have been zombies. But like the living in the real world, they totally ignored me.

Still, I questioned the wisdom of coming in today. Still pretty groggy, though the fever and sweats are gone. But I did get a lot done this morning.

Part of what brought this on may have been overexertion last week. Between hauling all that Dublin Dr Pepper and my new DVD shelf units upstairs (not to mention assembling said shelf units), I got a workout. That tends to result in whatever virus may be lurking within me to go full...viral? Sure, why not.

Totally worth it, though. If you must buy self-assemble furniture, buy IKEA. Their crap is SO much easier to put together (and ultimately SO much nicer) than any of the other self-assemble crap at the usual big box stores. And they had the only units anywhere close to the size and dimension I was looking for. Plus they let you customize your shelving to your specific needs by selling extra shelves for the units.

Pretty mild January thus far. Mostly temps in the mid-20's. Not nearly the snow we've received the past couple of years. Today's the first cloudy day of the week, I think.

Still not bad.

After the past couple of snow-heavy years, we were due for the break.

2010

2010-12-31T11:00:00.001-06:00

Place: Whataburger
Lunch: Whataburger 5-3-1, fries, Dr. Pepper

The 5-3-1 is called such because it has five pickles, three onion rings, and one pepper sauce. It's a half-pound double-patty with two kinds of cheese (American and Monterey Jack) on Texas toast. It was supposed to end its run in mid-December, but it apparently didn't. Another interesting LTO from Whataburger, who I have grown increasingly fond of over the years.

It took until the end of the year to realize I'm in kind of a funk. The first part of the year was busy with a work project. The second third of the year was extremely busy with said work project. The rest of the year was still busy due to the aftermath of said work project, but I still found time to realize I'm in a funk. So my new year's resolution is going to be to get out of said funk.

(Side note to dance party enthusiasts...This is completely different than 'bringing the funk'.)

This won't stop me from doing what we all do at the end of the year...reflect on it.

Dumb Move of the Year - In January, Qwest added a $1 'convenience fee' to people who had the audacity to pay their bill online without signing up for auto-pay. So I started mailing payments, which costs them WAY more. I guess I wasn't alone...They got rid of said fee within a few months. Idiots.

Dumb Shopping Mall Tricks of the Year - Those kiosks in the middle of mall corridors are getting out of hand. I saw a kiosk HAIR STYLIST. The guy was REALLY pushy to passing women too. Cell phone stores, satellite TV outlets, and skin care con artists are getting to be pushy too, making malls start to feel like sleazy flea markets.

Dumb Restaurant LTO of the Year - Burger King's Ribs. Yeah, that didn't go so well.

Awesome Restaurant LTO of the Year - Whataburger's Bar-B-Que Cheddar Burger. Hands down. No contest. Well, okay...Taco Cabana's Brisket Tacos were amazing too.

Odd Fast Food Promo Combo of the Year - Runza was promoting a combo meal of a cup of chili, cinnamon rolls, and a drink. Chili and cinnamon rolls?

Fast Food in a Timely Fashion of the Year - Hardee's Counter Girl: "How long on the hash rounds?" Girl cooking hash rounds: "59 minutes".

M&M's New Flavor of the Year - There weren't any that I saw except Pretzel, and I hated those. Weird. But I'd sure like to try the orange chocolate ones they're selling in other parts of the world. Couldn't find them at World Market or Jungle Jim's. Somebody also mentioned a 'cherry cordial'? Didn't see them either. I WILL say that the fall color mix for Peanut M&M's was quite lovely, though.

Oops I Hit The Wrong Button of the Year - Don't you hate it when you accidentally hit the "Print" button and print a 200-page document you had no intention of printing in this lifetime?

Television Remembrance of the Year - "Twin Peaks" turned 20. And USA Network's "Psych" did a "Twin Peaks" parody episode that included some Twin Peaks alumni that was pretty funny. Sherilyn Fenn's still got it.

I Drove a Hybrid - and it was pretty cool. They still need to get a little more practical in design and cost for me to consider actually buying one, but...

Hot Dog of the Year - Probably the one I had at the Reds game. Not so much for the hot dog as much as for the experience.

New Soda Discovery of the Year - Cheerwine, a longtime staple of the Carolinas. Available in cane sugar form in glass bottles. Yes.

Ice Cream Flavor of the Year - Tillamook Caramel Butter Pecan. Brilliant.

Weird Flavor Combination of the Year - Del Taco came out with fries topped with taco meat, ranch, barbecue sauce, and bacon. I'm thinking 'gross'. Until I tried them. It surprisingly worked.

Creepy Moment of the Year - Walking through Walmart by a top-to-bottom wall of "Baby Alive" dolls, which are apparently motion sensitive, and they all started bobbing their heads up down and making noises. ALL OF THEM.

New Business of the Year - Trader Joe's came to town (see November archive). Favorite thing there that I didn't find until after I wrote my blog post where I tried a bunch of items: Lasagna Bolognese.

Albums of the Year - "July Flame" by Laura Veirs led my summer driving music. The woman is based in my hometown and has been recording for years and I had never heard of her until one of those Amazon recommendations. Then Kim Taylor, who I've known about for awhile now thanks to her occasional appearances with Over the Rhine, released "Little Miracle". And it is.

Best Album of 2011 that I've Already Heard - If your favorite band is capable of releasing an album in 2011 half as good as Over the Rhine's forthcoming Joe Henry-produced "The Long Surrender" (in stores 2/8/11, pre-order here for instant gratification), it will probably be the second best album of next year.

Best Band Show Promo Ever - "Wow. Outside the "venue" in Modesto. It's an arcade...and with 7 BANDS tonight! I hope you guys are coming to see this...should be hilarious." - (The Birthday Massacre, on Facebook)

Dumb Movie of the Year - Oh, probably "The Losers". That's ironic.

Movie of the Year - I didn't see nearly as many movies this year as I have in the past, but "Kick-Ass" really brought the awesome. I actually gave "Toy Story 3" a higher rating, but Kick-Ass will be the long-run keeper. "Scott Pilgrim vs the World" gets runner-up nods.

Forthcoming Movie Question of the Year - Apparently, the next Batman movie is called "Dark Knight Rises". So does that mean plenty of Viagra product placement?

TV Can't Possibly Get Dumber of the Year - Every year, I wonder if NBC and Toyota's stupid Football Night in American halftime sponsorship gimmick can get any dumber. Every ensuing year, the answer is Yes.

Bad TV Casting Idea of the Year - Elliot Gould was a guest star on an episode of the original CSI this year. This was a bad idea because he made the regular cast look like community theater rejects.

Awesome TV Commercial of the Year - Sprint's 'unlimited' commercial where the girl is breaking up with her boyfriend. Her gleeful facial expressions totally make it.

Cancellation Double-Take of the Year - TV weather cancellation scroll..."Iowa-Iowa State hockey game canceled". Me..."Iowa and Iowa State have hockey teams?"

Retail Double-Take of the Year - Why would you name a swimsuit store "Anything but Water"?

New Product of the Year - If you have one of those homes with a lot of recessed ceiling lighting, you might want to look at Home Depot for EcoSmart LED Downlights. 10.5 watts, last like 30 years, and really awesome light output. Expensive...like $50 each (although supposedly on sale for $19.95 in stores until Jan 1)...but considering the savings and not having to get the ladder out on an annual basis, they just might be worth it to you. Even if you just phase them in as your existing bulbs burn out. I replaced the CFL bulb over my sink with one of these. Completely outperformed the CFL and gave me back the light level of the incandescent the CFL replaced.

Maybe We're Going to Open, Maybe Not of the Year - New Denny's at the Love's truck stop signage Monday: "Open Tuesday". Tuesday PM/Wed AM: "Open Wednesday". Wednesday PM: "Coming Soon".

Ugly Building Conversion of the Year - Our old Saturn dealership was converted into a Mini dealership. They painted the entire building BLACK. It looks horrible.

Tasteless Marketing of the Year - I saw a billboard in Ardmore, Oklahoma that said "YOUR WIFE IS HOT!" in big block letters. It was promoting air conditioning.

Bumper Sticker of the Year - "Punk Rock isn't just for your boyfriend".

Fortune Cookie of the Year - "Borrow money from a pessimist...they don't expect it back".

Reason Not To Lose Weight of the Year - If I were worth my weight in gold, my worth as of October 15 would have been $5,694,624.00.

The Dumbing Down of America of the Year - At hotel, a woman in the room next to mine was trying to teach her two teenage sons how to unlock their door with a key card. They weren't grasping the concept.

Suggested Tax Dollars At Work of the Year - I would support a federal program that bought all the Pontiac Azteks and crushed them in the name of national beautification.

False Alarm of the Year - Heard Chester Cat yelp like he was in pain...and turned to find him beating up my laptop bag.

Cat Barf Casualty of the Year - One of my cats puked on my Harmony universal remote and killed it. Wouldn't have guessed that's all it would take.

IT Quote of the Year - "I'm a tech person, and if it doesn't break, I can't enjoy it." (Company IT guy, explaining why he doesn't like Macs.)

Overheard in a Restaurant of the Year - "The first time he kissed me, I don't think he was impressed. But then we kissed again and he asked me if I'd changed my medicine!"

Overheard in the Break Room of the Year - "He was on a motorcycle. You would think he could see a cow standing in the middle of the street."

Retweet of the Year - "Whenever I hear a strange noise outside my room at night, I worry that it's David Lynch, doing something I wouldn't get." (@Jordan_Morris)

Have a happy 2011.

Pepper Run

2010-12-26T10:45:00.004-06:00

Place: Del Taco
Lunch: Del Beef burrito, Del Classic chicken burrito (no lettuce, no tomato), Classic taco (no tomato), hash brown sticks, Dr. Pepper

I'm at the newest (and only) Del Taco in Texas. It's not the first time Del Taco has tried to make a go of it here. This one probably won't last.

It's an odd location in that it's the only Del Taco I know of that shares real estate with another tenant. The duplex building is Del Taco on one side and Five Guys Burgers & Fries on the other. There's another reason this is odd...Del Taco ALSO sells burgers.

A rare Texas Carl's Jr is on this row too in a building that originated as a Krystal. Wienerschnitzel used to be up the street. I'm pretty sure one of Texas's first In-N-Outs is planned along this strip. (That's not a joke...they're really coming.) Might as well be in California.

Del Taco has FINALLY come up with a new decor package. It's about ten years past due. It's not exactly head-turning, but it's an improvement.

I ordered my food from Confused Counter Girl. It was one of those experiences where I double-checked the receipt (which she printed out THREE TIMES) to make sure it was right. I got my drink and settled into one of the bright green plastic chairs that dominated the half-filled dining room. Every new Del Taco outside of their core markets I've been to are usually this busy. But they never last.

After awhile, I wander up to the counter to see where my order is. There's the tray with one taco and one burrito on it. Hmmm. It's clear from the kitchen conversation that nobody has any idea what they're doing, and every order is a big mess. Another customer slides up next to me. "How's it going?" he asked.

"Fine," I say. "How are you?"

"Not too bad. What's your order number?"

"45".

"Oh good, then it's not just me."

"I get the impression this isn't the most experienced crew," I say.

"They just opened two weeks ago, and half the crew has already quit," he says.

You know, this guy actually looks like Morning Drive-Thru Window Guy at the Lehi, Utah Del Taco now that I think about it.

They call my number, which gets the other guy excited. "Hey! That's you!" On the tray is two tacos and one burrito. I pull out my receipt and show the guy what's supposed to be on it. He shouts to the crew, "This isn't right! He has his receipt, and it's not even close!" He sends me off with the burrito, taco, and extra taco. I discover they made both tacos the way I ordered the chicken burrito (with no lettuce and tomato instead of just no tomato). I'll pass that one. The chicken burrito and hash brown sticks are delivered to my table a few minutes later.

The guy I was talking to is sitting with his wife and child. They now have their food, and they start praying. They're praying hard. REALLY hard. I ate half a burrito in the time it took them to finish. Maybe they were praying that their order was right.

I'm on the 'way back' side of the semi-annual Dublin Dr. Pepper run. I started this at 2am. I was up at 2am because I fell asleep at 7:30 last night. No idea why, but I sure have a lot done already today.

Can't complain about that.

London, Rome, Paris...Kentucky

2010-12-20T12:22:00.002-06:00

Place: Tastee-Freez
Lunch: Angus Coney dog, Tastee burger, chocolate milk shake

For years, Champaign, Illinois had the only Wienerschnitzel east of the Mississipi. It was run exactly like any other Wienerschnitel. It had the same dogs and menu items made exactly the same way, had the same promotional materials, had the limited time offerings. That's kind of unusual...many chain locations out in the middle of nowhere are just a little bit odd compared to the core markets.

It finally closed about a year ago and probably should have been left at that, but the corporate Wieners (ha ha ha! see what I did there?) kept trying to find somebody to take it over.

It's finally happened. The yellow A-frame was repainted blue, and the red W started sharing space with the Tastee-Freez logo. The classic Tastee-Freez logo, even! Technically, they're calling it a Tastee-Freez, but it's really a co-branded Wienerschnitzel/Tastee-Freez.

Wienerschnitzel bought the Tastee-Freez brand seven years ago. Tastee-Freez has always been sort of a knockabout chain where franchisees bought the Tastee-Freez ice cream equipment but otherwise did their own thing. The 40 or so remaining locations continue that way, but Wienerschnitzel has added Tastee-Freez treats to over 300 of their Wienerschnitzel and Hamburger Stand branded stores.

This store, to my knowledge, is the first fully Wienerschnitzel-authorized branded Tastee-Freez outlet with a full menu created by the company. Which includes, of course, the full Wienerschnitzel hot dog menu. If it's an attempt to revive the Tastee-Freez brand and get Wienerschnitzel hot dogs more widely available in the Midwest, I'm all for it.

I had breakfast in Paris over the weekend. Paris, Kentucky, that is. Had a nice drive on some old narrow winding two-lane blacktop amidst hilly snow-covered fields immaculately maintained with stone wall fencing. Really, really beautiful. And the people of Kentucky are some of the nicest you'll ever encounter.

On Friday, I had breakfast at the Hen House, a restaurant in an old barn-like structure just off I-74 at the Mahomet, IL exit that I always thought would be fun to try. REALLY good pancakes.

Had a ticket to go to the Bengals-Browns "Battle of Ohio" game on Sunday. Didn't bother. After spending Saturday night in the cramped quarters of the Taft Theater, I really didn't think I could handle three hours on a hard plastic seat in 20-degree weather. Plus, when even the Bengals broadcast station promos say "Will they even bother keeping score?", it's hard to get excited.

I don't know...It's been hard to get excited about ANYTHING this season.

Christmas in a week?

I didn't even buy cards this year.

Loyalty Cards

2010-12-16T11:30:00.025-06:00

Place: smashburger
Lunch: Chili dog (no jalapenos), chili (no jalapenos), Dr. Pepper (no jalapenos)

So last night, I was at Cold Stone. I got my usual ('like it'-sized cake batter with cookie dough mix-in in a plain waffle cone). Smiling Counter Guy asked if I had a punch card yet.

Me: "No, and I don't want one".

Him: "Oh, uh, okay."

Recently at a favorite restaurant, the server, knowing I ate there often, gave me a loyalty card to register online. Something about a free meal every ten, I think.

Haven't been back since. Said card is sitting by my computer, unregistered.

I hate these things. Supermarkets and restaurants are the most common places to issue loyalty cards or punch cards or whatever. They get a bunch of your information for the purpose of micro-marketing to you, then they have specials that are applicable to only those with cards.

Meanwhile, your wallet is bulging at the seams with plastic and paper cards. And coupons. I hate those too.

What am I supposed to do...start carrying a purse?

Nobody's forcing anybody to carry them, of course. You can pay full-price for whatever it is you should be already 'saving' on (which was probably already at an inflated price to begin with). And in some places I've been, even when I didn't have a card, I got the discount anyway. The clerk either ran their OWN card through, or they used a spare one they had lying around. One clerk recently even borrowed the loyalty card from the customer behind me and got me the discount THAT way.

I've basically allowed myself to carry five. One for a hotel chain, one for a supermarket chain, one for a pet store chain, one for a department store chain, and one for a restaurant chain. Mostly because these specific places are the only places to offer specific things I regularly want, and they do save me a significant amount of money. I've actually long since lost the pet store one...I just give the clerk my phone number. My phone number from several years ago, because I've long since moved, and the pet store doesn't have any easy way for you to change that information. And I have absolutely no reason for them to have current information anyway.

Doesn't that really defeat the purpose for them?

I would MUCH rather shop at a place that offers good prices for the stuff I want without having to sign up for one of these things.

I was already loyal. Why force the issue?

Slip and Slide

2010-12-06T11:30:00.000-06:00

Place: Cici's Pizza
Lunch: Pizza, soup, cheese breadsticks (dipped in Alfredo sauce), Dr. Pepper

As usual, Dora the Explorer is on. Today, Dora and Swiper are on the same side. Huh? Apparently, Dora's trying to help Swiper get off Santa's naughty list. You'd think Swiper would be practical enough to know Santa doesn't exist, wouldn't you.

While traveling the world, my new PC speakers showed up. I'd been eyeing these for awhile and they came up as a Cyber-Monday deal, so I ordered them from the road.

I installed them last night. This was a bit of production because they're HUGE in comparison to the little Gateways that came with my PC. I just had those sitting behind my LCD monitor in the vast space that was intended for a CRT monitor. The new ones are up top on the shelf above the monitor. I can't believe the included wiring was actually long enough to complete the job.

While I was at this, Chester Cat was going through the various boxes (three total) the speakers came in. In between two of the boxes was some shipping paper the shipper had wadded up and wedged in as packing material. Chester pulled it out of the box immediately.

I'm not sure what happened after that...I was busy untangling wires and figuring out how to lay everything out...but when I got done with my project and turned toward the door, Chester was proudly sitting on his shipping paper, which he had managed to unwad and perfectly stretch out across the floor. All three feet of it.

THAT is one smart cat.

This paper is now his new favorite thing. He sleeps on it, burrows under it, and dives on it like it's a slip-and-slide. It makes all sorts of noise whenever he moves on it, of course, which I assume is the attraction. I'm pretty sure he played with it all night.

I'm actually glad to be back at work. Who knew.

Against the Wind

2010-11-26T11:30:00.003-06:00

Place: Wienerschnitzel
Lunch: Angus chili dog, Pepsi

Vacation. A week and a half of not thinking about anything.

Or TRYING to not think about anything, anyway.

I don't think I realized just how wound up I've gotten until Monday, when I started getting weirdly paranoid. Then I started getting snippy at work on Wednesday. It was an hour before time to hit the road, and seemingly everybody started firebombing me with stuff that just had to get done right now. Couldn't have happened last week...right freaking now. This describes my Tuesday as well. I may have felt a little of what it's like to have a nervous breakdown. I'm pretty sure I literally did break down in front of at least two people. I realize now that I should have taken Monday-Wednesday of this week off too.

But finally, the time came (okay, slightly past the time came), and I hit the road.

What a road trip it was.

Omaha - This is where you say goodbye to Iowa and celebrate with a meal at Taco Bueno. Or at least, I do. Then you realize you have seven hours of driving to do through a state where the highway patrol acts like their slogan is 'We work hard to ruin as many people's holiday as humanly possible'.

York - Stopped for gas at Black Bart's. The wind was howling and it was freezing. I need to find my hat and gloves. Also stopped at Runza for a milk shake and ended up with a mini Italian Runza. That was tasty. While waiting for my order, I saw a 'chili, cinnamon rolls, and a drink' combo special. Chili and cinnamon rolls?

Somewhere between Kearney and North Platte - As usual, the Nebraska Highway Patrol were as thick as mosquitoes on a Minnesota summer night. One cop finished with whoever he had pulled over, pulled into traffic, and pulled over the next car in front of him without ever even bothering to turn off his light bar. This pattern only enhances the mosquito comparison.

Ogallala (Sapp Bros) - Slowest. Gas pump. Ever.

Cheyenne (night) - Stopped for the night. Very stiff and sore. Been like that a lot lately. No wonder I'm so grumpy.

Cheyenne (Thanksgiving morning) - Topped off the gas tank at Safeway and picked up some snacks...a bottle of Simply Limeade, Gatorade, and a couple of bananas. Decided for no particular reason to not have breakfast.

Slightly west of Cheyenne - Oh great. I-80 is closed. I-80 between Cheyenne and Laramie gets closed often when snow and heavy winds converge. I didn't think to check the road reports before heading out. Headed down I-25 to Fort Collins, as US 287 between Fort Collins and Laramie is the only viable alternate route. I couldn't resist breakfast at the Fort Collins Waffle House. I KNEW there was a reason I blew off breakfast earlier.

Fort Collins, Colorado - I used to spend a lot of time here years ago. On the way to my detour route, I passed through downtown, where a marathon was starting up. They'd closed the southbound lanes. They may as well have closed the northbound lanes too because people were walking right up the middle of the street as if it were their own private Idaho. Until they turned and saw me riding their tails. Then they looked startled. I literally parted the masses. Cop working the event gave me a shrug like he was saying "Yeah, I don't know."

US 287 - US 287 is a beautiful scenic drive even on a bad day, and today the sun was up to the east, and the moon was still up to the west. Still windy, but not as bad as it was on I-80.

Laramie - I-80 re-opened in the time I took to get here, but I was still a good half hour ahead of where I would have been if I'd waited in Cheyenne.

West of Laramie - The wind today is absolutely howling, with 60mph gusts according to the highway reader boards. Makes yesterday look like a breeze by comparison. My poor four cylinder is working overtime and getting barely 16 mpg...easily the worst gas mileage I've ever gotten with this car.

Rawlins - Gassed up at the always windy TA Travel Center (formerly Rip Griffins). On this day, I am freezing even WITH my hat and gloves. I'm also REALLY tired, yet decided to press on because I figure my adrenaline level is up from the time I spent in the wind filling the tank. Oh, and the receipt printer didn't print. Lovely.

Rock Springs - I wonder if one of the Taco Times are open on Thanksgiving. Nope, not that one. What about Dewar Drive? YES!!! I embrace you, crispy burritos.

Between Rock Springs and roughly Fort Bridger - Cranked The Birthday Massacre's "Walking with Strangers" CD to 11...no, 19. BA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA DA! That part of the route just FLEW by.

Somewhere East of Evanston - It's been hard enough to keep the car going in a straight line with the heavy winds, but now there's snow and ice on the road. Truck in front of me sent a muddy mixture of ice and snow at my windshield. I hit the washers and nothing came out...they're frozen. Wiper blades streaked the mud on to the point where I couldn't really see anymore. I squinted through some cracks in the mud into Evanston.

Evanston - Pulled into Maverik (yes, that's how it's spelled), topped off the tank AGAIN, and cleaned the windshield. The parking lot had measurable snow. I was quickly reminded why I love all wheel drive. Got a 32oz Pepsi too. Smiling Counter Girl..."And how are you today?" Me..."JEEPERS! What a day!" Smiling Counter Girl laughs and agrees.

Utah border - YAAAY! I can't believe I'm actually here! Okay, I've still got an hour of driving, but...

Salt Lake City - The drive down was beautiful. Roads were generally clear, but everything else was snow covered. The sun was starting to set, which on some turns was blinding, but I made it. Not a lot of wind, either. Gas mileage averaged up to the mid 20's.

Residence Inn - "Well, it appears both your reservations were canceled." Okay, first off...BOTH reservations? Why would I have multiple reservations? Desk Clerk fixed this quickly and checked me in so she could go back to making out with her boyfriend, who was peering from around the corner. That's one of the reasons I decided to wait until morning to see about getting the heat fixed in the room (it's cold...even by my standards). Smiling Desk Clerk said "It's computer controlled and it might be faulty. The guy (who apparently fixes such things) will be in later this morning. I'll have him take a look and let you know what he says."

I didn't really believe her because I didn't give her my name OR my room number...but within the hour, I got a call that they found a faulty part (apparently not within the room because nobody stopped by). Replacement couldn't be had until Monday. Would I like another room? Yes, please. I went from a studio suite to a one-bedroom suite. Apparently, the difference between a studio suite and a one-bedroom suite is they put a wall between the living and bedroom areas and add a second TV (the single TV in the studio suites rotates, so you can watch it from either area). It's otherwise the exact same size. It just feels smaller. And warmer. Ahhh.

And I'm still tired. I hardly slept at all last night. Was laying in bed at like 3am watching "Law and Order" reruns.

But I suppose I can sleep all day if I want.

Food Court Follies

2010-11-15T11:30:00.002-06:00

Place: Taco Bell (in a mall food court)
Lunch: Grilled chicken enchilada burrito, 1/2 lb combo burrito, nachos supreme (no tomato), Dr Pepper

The chicken enchilada burrito is an LTO that I remember from a couple of years back. I saw the ad, I had one, I loved it, I went back, it was already gone. I swear it couldn't have been on the menu more than a week. Now it's back, and it's fine. Not as wonderful as I remember it for some reason...but good enough.

When I'm in the mall food court, I like to sit in front of Ocean Beach Fries and watch the nothingness that always happens there. I've never seen a single customer eat there. The guy just stares into the oblivion of the food court dining area, watching the world go by with a glazed-over look on his face.

Until today.

Today, Oblivion Guy was with another guy I hadn't seen before. They were going over about ten feet of register tape.

Then some guy and (presumably) his son sat nearby. They were eventually joined by a woman in a black beret and three additional children (one boy, two girls). And from a distance, they stared at the Ocean Beach Fries menu. Like they were being cautious or something.

Then she pulled out a thick envelope that appeared to be full of coupons. A coupon envelope. My grandmother would be proud.

(Ever get used by your grandmother to buy something with a coupon that she had multiples of but which were limited to "1 per customer"? Yeah, me too.)

They spent a significant amount of time reviewing the menu board. Then they went to the counter. The counter guy looked as if he were confused why somebody would be approaching him.

Then one of the kids started ordering. Then the kid walked off.

Then Dad started ordering. Then Mom and one of the girls went off to the bathroom.

When they returned, Dad was still talking to the guy. A third employee came out from the back and got in on the conversation. WHY DO THEY EVEN HAVE THREE EMPLOYEES?

Then they all wandered off and sat down. Counter Guy went in back and stared at the order receipt, like he had no idea what to do with it.

Then the most amazing thing happened....Three girls walked up to the counter to order too!

Of course, now that people are actually eating there, this has totally ruined the experience for me.

Bummer.

Trader Joe's

2010-11-12T11:30:00.031-06:00

Place: Fazoli's
Lunch: Sausage Italia lasagna, side of meatballs, breadstick, Pibb XTRA

Smiling Counter Girl gave me the wrong 'your food is ready' pager. Frowning Counter Guy was apologetic and brought me my food personally when it was actually ready. Confused Old Ladies who should've gotten the pager I got wondered aloud why their pager never went off, even when both counter people had explained it to them.

Hmmm. Didn't expect the red and green peppers in the lasagna. It's a winner anyway.

Trader Joe's made their metro debut last week. Everybody had a cow about it and have packed the place since.

Trader Joe's is the Aldi of gourmet grocery stores...literally. Founded in 1967 by Joe Coulombe, he sold the California-based chain to Theo Albrecht's Aldi Nord (North) in 1979. But they're not under the same ownership as the US Aldi stores, which are owned by Karl Albrecht's Aldi Süd (South). (Long story about brothers operating separately but friendly in defined territories.) Anyway, all the money is going to the Germans.

Trader Joe's and Aldi do business pretty much the same way aside from Trader Joe's product being premium or organic or gourmet or some such nonsense. Most of the store inventory is products under Trader Joe's house brands and is cheaper than similar stuff found at, say, Whole Foods. The stores cover a smaller footprint than your typical supermarket...about the same or a little bigger than an Aldi. Trader Joe's stocks around 4,000 items vs large supermarkets who can carry as many as 50,000 different items.

One of the key reasons people seem to love Trader Joe's is their selection of cheap wines. Supposedly good wines, but I don't drink so what do I know. The store has a limited selection of everything, including canned goods, fruit juices, some produce, and a limited selection of meats, but most of this stuff seems to be targeted at single women living off a steady diet of wine, wine-related snacks, appetizers, and microwaveable entrees. (Guess who the largest wine retailer in Germany is? Yep...Aldi.) Oh, and they have what appears to be an extensive selection of coffees and teas as well. I don't drink them either.

In the interest of science, I decided to try some Trader Joe's branded stuff and see if it's any good. The first trick, however, was getting into the store. I stopped by on opening day and immediately gave up. The Trader Joe's faithful were there en masse. It was insane.

So I checked the store hours and decided to drop by Sunday morning at 8. NOBODY'S going to be there at 8 on a Sunday morning, right?

Well...it was shoppable. Still more people there than any other time I've been in one out west. Based on overheard customer conversation, several of the patrons had traveled from the eastern end of the state just to shop here. The Trader Joe's faithful are indeed...faithful.

Smiling Cashier Savannah rang up my order. "Is this your first time to Trader Joe's?" she asked.

"No," I repled.

"Have you been to another store out of state?"

"Yeah, Oregon and Las Vegas."

She smiled. "Yeah."

She made lots of conversation with me about what I've bought before and what I'm trying for the first time as she rang up my total ($65? Yikes!) and filled four paper bags. She talked about the amount of wine they've been selling...they've run out of some varieties. Given the traffic I've seen here, I'm surprised ANYTHING is left to sell.

I kind of surprised myself with just how much stuff I bought. I picked up a few things I was already familiar with, and lots of frozen stuff. Chester Cat, who is all about paper grocery bags, acted as if I'd built him his own personal amusement park when I unpacked the groceries and stood the bags up on the floor for him. Then I spent the week trying things out.

Will I join the Trader Joe's faithful? Let's see.

Trader Joe's Scallops Wrapped in Uncured Bacon with Brown Sugar Glaze - Target sells a version of these under their Archer Farms label, and of course they're a part of Red Lobster's awesome New England Sampler appetizer. The Trader Joe's ones apparently use less heat resistant toothpicks as I learned when the Townhouse of Solitude filled with smoke. I managed to open the windows and turned on the stove exhaust before the smoke alarms went off. Problem solved. The scallops were WAY better than Target's, thanks to the sweet bacon. Maggie Cat agreed as she demanded I share the bacon.

Trader Joe's New York Deli-Style Baked Cheesecake - About as good as any store-bought cheesecake I've ever tried. Very nice. I need some strawberries in syrup to drizzle on this.

Trader Joe's Certified Organic Pasturized Strawberry Lemonade - It's lacking in flavor to the point where if I gave you some and asked you to guess what it was, you probably couldn't. Yet I have a suspicion I'll be buying more.

Trader Giotto's Pepperoni Pizza (with uncured pepperoni, and mozzarella and asiago cheeses) - One of those pre-made in the refrigerator case...not frozen...pizzas. The cheese was the strongest taste. The pepperoni almost may as well have not been there. The sauce was kind of flavorless too.

Trader Joe's Sharp Cheddar Cheese Cracker Cuts - This is genius. A resealable container of sharp cheddar sized and pre-sliced perfectly for sticking on a Ritz cracker. The very definition of a wine-related snack, ladies.

Trader Joe's 'Just Cherry' Cherry Juice (from concentrate) - It's not sweet, but it's strong. Hard to explain, but it's definitely like real cherries and I definitely like it. It isn't exactly cheap, but neither are cherries.

Trader Joe's All Natural Pasteurized Unfiltered Concord Grape Juice - Ingredients: "100 percent Concord grapes grown in Yakima, Washington". In a juice form. Of course. It tastes like grape juice. Who knew.

Trader Joe's Mushroom Rice Noodle Soup Bowl - It's like one of those plastic Ramen bowl kits, except with pad Thai rice noodles. There's a plastic bowl with noodles and a plastic packet inside. Inside the plastic packet are three other packets...one with mushroom bits, one with seasoning, and one with oil. Adding the oil is optional. Fill to the lower rim with water and microwave, or do it the Cup-o-Noodles way and add boiling water, cover, and let sit for 3 minutes. The result is a perfectly decent soup, not too sodium heavy (like Ramen tends to be) but still flavorful. Too heavy on the noodles if you ask me. It's also apparently vegan friendly, according to the packaging. HA HA HA HA! Vegans.

Trader Joe's Vintage Root Beer - Made with cane sugar and packaged in glass bottles. I have some real sugar A&W in my fridge. This compares favorably. But it comes in a clear bottle, unlike my dark brown A&W bottles, so the A&W has a higher cool factor. Still, it's a perfectly good mellow root beer. Nothing fancy like some of those horrible gourmet root beers (I'm looking at YOU, Thomas Kemper).

Trader Joe's Taco Seasoning Mix - Most taco seasoning packets have you brown the meat, drain the grease, add water and seasoning and simmer. Trader Joe's wants you to heat a tablespoon of canola oil, sautee a medium chopped onion in it, add the beef and seasoning, then a can of tomato sauce. Since I didn't actually read the instructions when I bought it, I didn't know to pick up an onion or tomato sauce. So I made it the same way I always make my taco meat...Crumble meat in pan, sprinkle seasoning on top, simmer to brown and congealed. I also added a quarter cup of water here because there's far more seasoning than in the Ortega packets. I'll note that the ground beef (85 percent lean), shells (Ortega yellow), and taco fixings did NOT come from Trader Joe's. In spite of this, the result was pretty decent, if not overly spicy for my taste. I may try this again down the road using the correct Trader Joe's recipe.

Trader Joe's Mini Eclairs - Well, they're yummy...not really any more yummy than elsewhere, but yummy. The negative is that the wonderful drizzly chocolate tends to stick to the plastic wrap, so unwrap them frozen...not after thawing.

Trader Joe's Parmesan Pastry Pups - Slightly fancy mini wiener wraps garnished in parmesan. You get about 14 per box. Bake and serve. They come out of the oven a beautiful golden brown. They dip well in mustard, or taste just fine with nothing. I don't think most will eat more than 3 or 4 before tiring of them.

Trader Joe's Hand Crafted Cheese Enchiladas - They come in a plastic package in a shape that sort of makes you think of frozen burritos. But what's inside is a microwavable tray with two enchiladas in sauce, kind of like Amy's cheese enchiladas, but a slightly larger portion. They're okay, but they aren't as good as Amy's. Or mine. Mine are awesome.

Pilgrim Joe's Clam Chowder - It's a condensed soup in a can that you reconstitute with a can of milk. It's "Made with Fresh Clams". It has no preservatives or artificial colors or flavors. And it's in a can. Who knew. It was initially kind of flavorless, so I added some sea salt. Then I added some more. The end result was what looked like a bowl of hot milk with the texture of tomato soup. Not much flavor. The instructions advise you to use less milk for a thicker chowder. If I try this again, I'm using HALF a can.

Trader Joe's 100% Pure Florida Orange Juice (NOT from concentrate) with Calcium and Vitamin D, Pasteurized - It tastes like the equivalent at Aldi. I think it's also the same price as Aldi. Which would explain a great deal.

Trader Joe's Smoke House Pulled Pork In Smoky BBQ Sauce - A pound of pulled pork. "Serves 3" according to the box. "It's made just for us in Texas, with a sweet & smoky sauce that screams Kansas City", says the box. Microwaves in 2.5 minutes. Kind of plain for my taste. Not smoky at all.

Cannelloni Tre Formaggio alla Trader Giotto (Cannelloni with Three Cheeses) - Frozen in a microwave tray. Wrapped in plastic. Like Laura Palmer. HA HA HA HA HA HA! I ignorantly followed the cooking instructions exactly, which is stupid because I have the most powerful microwave on Earth. It looked great after eight minutes of cooking on defrost mode. Then you're supposed to cook it for three minutes on high. After that, it looked like bacon. It was still pretty good. I bet it's awesome when cooked properly.

Trader Giotto's Spizzico Pizza - Little bite size mini cheese pizzas. A dozen in a (frozen) box, divided by two plastic packages, which seems about right...I could eat six at a time. The instructions included both conventional oven and microwave, so I nuked three and baked three. The nuked ones were soft and delicious. The baked ones came out with a very impressive pizza crust-like texture. (I personally preferred them microwaved.) Either way, these now top my quick-fix pizza craving appetizer list. If you're still eating pizza rolls or bagel bites, these would be a lovely upgrade.

So...Am I a new Trader Joe's regular? Are you KIDDING me? They had me at the bacon-wrapped scallops. Those pizza bites and some of their juice will be on my perpetual shopping list.

Oh...if you haven't done your Thanksgiving shopping yet, Trader Joe's apparently does turkeys for the season as well as the usual accompaniments. All free of antibiotics and whatever other buzz words people think means 'healthy' these days.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm out of scallops.

Fly Wichita

2010-11-02T12:00:00.004-05:00

Place: Pizza Ranch
Lunch: Buffet, Pibb XTRA

Mmmm. Pizza. Mmmm. BBQ chicken. Mmmm. Potato Salad. Mmmm. Bacon cheddar mashed potatoes. Mmmm. Peaches. Mmmm...oh forget it.

It's election day, which means we can go back to normal TV commercials tomorrow. Thank GOD.

I voted on the way to lunch. I've found that if I go in the morning, there's long lines. But arrive just before eleven, and practically nobody's there. This held true this morning. One guy was voting, and nobody was waiting. Went in, filled out everything, got my ballot, voted, headed across the road for lunch. Ten minutes, tops.

Spent the weekend hanging around Wichita with my brother, who flew in to see what all the fuss was about. I corrupted his healthy lifestyle by introducing him to Freddy's. We also found a local coffee and doughnut shop that is so cool they have a really old Gottlieb pinball machine. And I took him down to Pops in Oklahoma.

Wichita really needs that new airport terminal they're claiming is on the way. For a city steeped in the history of flight, they have one of the most rinky-dink airports of any city their size I've been in. Better buildings in lesser cities have been condemned just because they're eyesores.

The current facility opened in the mid-1950's. I've seen old pictures of it and it looked pretty cool back then. It's been remodeled a time or two since, of course, and none of that charm can be seen today. The current facility is a small cramped 80's looking box that you almost laugh at as you pull up to it. It looks like an outdated shopping mall. It's just dreadful. The wiring is outdated, it's full of asbestos, some of the gates don't even have jetways. Everything about it, from technology to ADA standards, is out of date and in many cases unadaptable. It's an embarrassment to a city that calls itself the 'air capital of the world'.

The money to build the new terminal (which on paper looks like they took Austin-Bergstrom's new terminal and stuck a "WICHITA" sign on it) is pretty much in place. The feds kicked in a bunch due to the existing facility's lack of ability to meet TSA standards. There's projected usage fees that get thrown in the mix. All of that is good to go.

But the city is dragging their feet because they're paranoid about ending up actually having to pay some of the costs if a worst-case scenario plays out. The negative seems to be concerns about projected new usage fees not ultimately covering costs.

Just build the stupid thing already. This is the first impression people get when they come to Wichita. And it's not a very good one. Imagine if the city's worst fears are realized and they're in a position of having to campaign businesses to relocate there.

Do they REALLY think the existing airport isn't going to worsen their cause?

The Denny's Rumor

2010-10-21T11:30:00.010-05:00

Place: Retro Diner
Lunch: Some sort of Philly cheeseteak (no peppers), fries, Coke

Retro Diner is some locally owned place in a slot at one of those uppity outdoor lifestyle centers, the kind with odd shops, lawyer offices, and apartments. And a Super Target. Of course.

They have awesome counter seating. And no customers. I was the only customer there during my entire lunch.

The cheesesteak came with liquid cheddar (you have the option of that or regular Swiss) on a lovely buttered and toasted hoagie roll. The fries were perfectly cooked crinkle cuts. If I had a bottle of Arctic Circle fry sauce on me, it would have been perfect.

Five weeks to Utah.

(sigh)

Rumor has it we're getting a Denny's again. The rumor has been spawned by the new Denny's signs at the Love's truck stop. It's still 'rumor' because their big highway LED readerboard said "DENNY'S OPENING TUESDAY OCTOBER 19" on Monday and Tuesday.

Didn't happen.

Then it said "DENNY'S OPENING WEDNESDAY OCTOBER 20" on Wednesday.

Didn't happen.

Then it said "DENNY'S COMING SOON" Wednesday afternoon and this morning.

I'll believe it when I see it.

We haven't had a Denny's in this market for probably a decade. The route that got us this one isn't very simple. Flying J went bankrupt. Pilot acquired the Flying J chain out of bankruptcy. Pilot already had a truck stop near our old Flying J. The FTC made Pilot sell some of the conflicting truck stops. They sold them to Love's. Loves took the full-service restaurant chunk of the property and turned it into a Denny's. Actually, Pilot has an agreement with Denny's to convert their restaurants to the Denny's brand, so this may have already been in the works when Loves bought it.

The long empty fast food chunk of the property, once a Hardee's, is still empty. I wouldn't mind them putting a Hardee's in again, but it's probably not feasible because Flying J eliminated the drive-thru lane when they reworked the building and landscaping after Hardee's closed.

We had three Denny's when I moved here. They were all old and poorly maintained. One of them was kind of cool because it had never been remodeled and still had orange vinyl seats right up to the day they demolished it. One of them closed after being the scene of a brutal murder. That building is now a pricey Italian restaurant. The weirdest Denny's conversion I've ever seen was in Illinois or Ohio, I think. They turned it into a Wendy's. One very odd looking Wendy's.

It's been at least three years since I set foot in a Denny's. I recall that I wasn't impressed the last time. Denny's, like most of the family restaurant segment chains, sometimes have a good after breakfast menu, and sometimes don't. On that occasion, they didn't.

But it's right on my work commute route, so I'll probably have breakfast there once in awhile.

Assuming it ever actually opens.

86th Street

2010-10-15T11:40:00.003-05:00

Place: Quizno's
Lunch: Mesquite chicken with bacon (no tomato), Lays potato chips, Dr. Pepper

There's a story about how I ended up here.

Yes. Really.

I started off the lunch hour at the McDonald's at the top of 86th Street. I was in a Filet-o-Fish mood. So I go in and get in line behind a cop, one of many cops who have converged on this particular McDonald's. But the rest of them are already eating. It's just us up front.

We stand there.

And stand there.

And stand there some more.

Nobody's working the counter.

There's employees, and they know we're there, but nobody cares.

So after about five minutes, I give up and walk out.

I open the sunroof and head south on 86th Street.

Pass by Planet Sub.

Naah.

Burger King?

Eh.

Village Inn?

HA HA HA HA HA HA! No.

Arby's?

No. The cats would never forgive me if they found out I didn't bring them some.

Culver's?

I don't eat at Culver's. They have awesome food and friendly service and cook everything to order and I don't eat there. Unless the Northwoods Walleye sandwich is available (seasonally for Lent). But never otherwise. Makes perfect sense, doesn't it.

B-Bops?

That's a good idea. I could have lunch in the car while listening to the NHL channel. Oops...just passed it by.

Incredible Pizza?

I don't eat there anymore. The manager (or somebody) tried to get me to put my e-mail address in their fish globe. I didn't want to. He was really pushy about it. So I quit going there.

There's another McDonald's.

I'm no longer in the mood for McDonald's.

Chinese buffet?

Nah.

Wendy's?

Maybe...No, wait...That Wendy's closed like five years ago.

There's that lot that another McDonald's used to be on. The franchisee needed to rebuild the old Mansard structure to renew his franchise agreement, but he and the city couldn't agree on building positioning and landscaping, so he told them to take a flying leap and boarded it up. It sat there, a boarded-up eyesore, for like five years before Kum & Go bought it. Kum & Go was already operating on the neighboring property, but they've demolished both structures and are using both lots to build one great big Kum & Go.

(Kum & Go is a convenience store chain that was started in a rural community by a couple of families who were apparently very ignorant to sexual innuendos. The idea was a take on the dinner call 'Come and Get It', and they changed the first letter of 'Come' to 'K' because the founding familes' last names were Krause and Gentile, and that was a way of incorporating their initials. Then they changed "Kome" to "Kum" so people would understand how to pronounce it. This is far more than you ever wanted to know about the subject. And I'm still driving down 86th Street, jaded as ever about lunch.)

Smashburger?

I ate there yesterday.

Hardee's?

Not THIS Hardee's, no. Besides...I'm mad at them for not bringing back the chili cheese Thickburger for fall.

I wish we had a Freddy's. I would have just gone there in the first place. They're heavily promoting chili right now. And they have a pretty good chili currently (they used to have a different chili that I didn't like).

At this point, we've come to the end of 86th Street. The street continues, but becomes 22nd Street from here forward. I'm not going up there...there's just another Culver's and another Arby's. Oh...and Taco Bell. The problem with Taco Bell is that I order too much food. It's like I order three things and it's only like four dollars. Only four dollars??? I can't JUST spend four dollars for lunch! So I end up ordering and eating way too much and I'm miserable the rest of the day.

So I turn right on Univeristy and end up at Quizno's.

I think they've made their bread smaller again. And they have a new decor with green, purple, and orange walls. The only thing on the walls is great big cartoonish words. "Savory Soups". "Fresh Salads." "Stupid Subs". Or something like that. It's really awful. Like a cave with graffiti.

I could have gone home, I suppose. I made the most incredible grilled cheese sandwich earlier in the week. It had four slices of Tillamook medium cheddar. It was awesome.

It's too nice a day to be stuck in the office.

But that's where I'll be anyway.

Dora the Absurdity

2010-09-14T12:00:00.013-05:00

Place: Cici's Pizza
Lunch: Pizza, soup, breadsticks, Dr. Pepper

I'm in a numbers coma. I spent the morning comparing numbers. It's not the numbers so much as trying to figure out why they don't sync up. Stupid numbers. So it only made sense that I'd pile on a pizza coma for the afternoon, right?

On the television at Cici's is the same thing that's always on when I eat lunch here...Dora the Explorer. Dora the Explorer is the most implausible show in the history of television. A little girl and her weird animal pal (who appears to have been cross-bred between a monkey and a hen) and occasionally her hottie non-boyfriend Diego (who's also her cousin...no wonder their keeping it under wraps) go on adventures and interact with their viewers to teach them stuff like how to wander out of your neighborhood and chase the ice cream truck you couldn't be bothered to visit in a timely fashion. (That was actually the first episode I ever saw, and I can assure you that, in real life, it would have ended three minutes in with the children in question collapsing into a bawling fit.)

Today's adventure involves a train. Actually, three trains. Dora and Monkey Hen are standing at the train station making their viewers make "Choo Choo" noises to entice the trains...all living entities...to blow their whistles as they come into the station. The green train buys into this. The red train buys into this. The blue train doesn't buy into this. Why? The blue train doesn't have a whistle. OH NO!

Of course, by complete coincidence, a contest is announced...a race to the Big Yellow Station! The winner gets a free whistle! Hooray! Because whistles must be FAR more expensive than the diesel it will cost to get to the other station, right?

The other trains think this is funny because there's no way the little blue train (who's name is Azul...get it? Spanish for 'blue'?) is going to beat them. He's way too small and has the self-esteem of Eeyore. But Dora and Monkey Hen are here to help. By sitting in one of his cars and weighing him down even more, apparently. Oh, and cheering. Of course.

We see a map of the race course. There's a mountain to climb over (you know...the grade of mountain the train company would have just blasted a tunnel through), a tunnel (huh? Why didn't they...oh forget it), and the Big Yellow Station, which is out in the middle of nowhere with no sustainable community to support in site.

(BTW...Isn't the word 'sustainable' getting really overused these days?)

Aaand we're OFF! Azul starts up the mountain, exerting lots of pressure, and not making it to the top. Dora gets your kids to scream obnoxiously and encourage Azul to make it over. He does. Shocking.

Then there's the tunnel. "Oh no! It's dark! How will we see where we're going?" What...you're planning to ride off the rails? No worries, Dora has a flashlight in her back pack. Off they go into the tunnel, which is WAY longer inside than it looks outside.

Inside the tunnel, the gang is having an extended discussion about the ending of the Cowboys-Redskins game last Sunday, when one of them poses the question "What if there's another train coming right at us on Azul's blue track?" Because even though all three trains thus far have had their own personal tracks all to themselves that matched their engine color, maybe Azul's not that special. Well, you'd think Dora's flashlight would be visible, wouldn't you? But noooo. The kids at home have to help. Sure enough, some old grey train almost collides with them until he's warned by children across the country watching via tape delay. The old grey train backs out and lets them pass.

So we're out of obstacles and the other two trains are neck-and-neck with Azul. (Really? What the hell were THEY doing all this time?) But an unexpected obstacle is approaching. Squealer...no...Swiper, as Gilseppie later told me, is a fox who regularly targets Dora for random theft. He has all the resources of Wile E. Coyote, is far more successful, and never falls off cliffs or otherwise maims himself. Failing to get aboard the train, he somehow obtains a manual track car, pumps coincidentally by a side track at the perfect moment to pass them...MANUALLY PUMPING PAST A WORKING LOCOMOTIVE THAT IS ATTEMPTING TO WIN A RACE, gets ahead, and removes several pieces of track to stop them, throwing them randomly into the woods. Then he takes off. Spiteful little prick.

Dora gets the viewers to help find the track pieces and put them back in. You'd think union reps would be protesting the shoddy non-union labor, but noooo.

And we're back in the race, once again neck-and-neck with the red and green trains. WHAT are the red and green trains doing to not have won this race a half hour ago???

Azul wins. Whatever.

SO glad I don't have kids.

Bar-B-Que

2010-09-05T11:00:00.003-05:00

Place: Whataburger
Lunch: Bar-B-Que Cheddar Burger, onion rings, Dr. Pepper

Whataburger's LTO Bar-B-Que Cheddar Burger is easily the best barbecue-themed burger ever. Two quarter-pound patties with a layer of cheddar in between, heartily topped with barbecue sauce, pickles, and onions on a toasted five-inch bun the way God intended. FAR FAR FAR better than BK's Bacon Cheddar Steakhouse XT, which for some bizarre reason doesn't have pickles. Whataburger's doesn't have bacon, though. You could surely add that. You could probably add pickles at BK too, but come on. Pickles should be a given on any sandwich with barbecue sauce.

Anyway, as far as I'm concerned, Whataburger NEEDS to make this a permanent menu item. Instead, it's gone September 20. Get one if you can before then.

At some point last week while I wasn't looking (and as busy as work has been, that's not hard), September arrived. College football is officially in gear. The NFL will be next weekend. Steak n Shake has busted out the caramel apple milkshake. We've even had a few breezy days in the 60's and "open window" nights with temps in the 50's and 40's. That pleased the cats terribly.

I really should be working this weekend.

(I'm not working this weekend.)

Flood Watch

2010-08-14T14:30:00.012-05:00

Place: ...and the wiener is...
Lunch: Coney dog, Italian Stallion dog, grape Crush

There is no shortage of hot dog joints in Wichita. This place is a hole in the wall that sells pop in cans which you retrieve from the fridge yourself. They have 45 specialty dogs. This includes a $10 dog called "The Widowmaker", which is topped with chili, mac and cheese (instant box mac and cheese, no less), steak meat, grilled mushrooms, grilled onions, little Smokies, a fried egg, barbecue sauce, cheddar, and provolone. Rumor has it there's a hot dog in there somewhere too. They have a Reuben dog, a Thai dog, a S'Mores dog, a PB&J dog...you get the idea.

The Coney is perfectly dressed in chili, mustard, and onion. The Italian Stallion has pizza sauce, mushrooms, onions, and either mozzarella or provolone. The dogs themselves appear to be the same ones QuikTrip uses. I guess it's not the wiener, but what you do with it.

Begging Snoopy's pardon...it was a dark and stormy night. Monday and Tuesday nights were full of pounding thunder, lightning, and rain rain rain. It was hard to sleep through, especially when the cat who tends to curl up against me kept jumping at every good thunder clap. Rain totals have been insane...three to five inches of rain fell across the metro per night. Glad I don't have a basement.

With no room to give, areas around manhole covers and sewer grates had standing water through the following days. Even with the heat index above 100, none of the water could evaporate because the air is so humid to begin with. Flooding was a big issue in some areas, particularly in Ames. Hilton Coliseum, home of the Iowa State Cyclones basketball teams and many concerts I've been to, had several feet of water inside.

A really snowy winter, a really wet summer...you'd think a break in this pattern would be coming eventually, right?

Ironically, they're complaining of the LACK of rain down here.

I can't believe August is half over. I guess time flies when your work projects are many.

Come to think of it, I was supposed to go home this week.

Not so much.

Oh well. Maybe next year.

Romance of Flight

2010-07-25T11:00:00.139-05:00

Place: Linkhaus
Lunch: Chili cheddar dog, tater tots, Dr. Pepper

Linkhaus appears to be wanting to do with hot dogs and brats what Chipotle did with burritos. This is a premium upscale place with premium dogs, brats, and a full bar in a very modern interior with cement tabletops (with the Linkhaus logo engraved in), all-glass walls on the north and south sides of the dining area, and a hodgepodge of light fixtures including some LED bulbs. The dog is in a great big bun that resembles a sourdough hoagie roll and covered in chili, shredded cheddar, red onion, and jalapenos. I got through like three bites of it. The tater tots, which may be the most perfect tater tots ever, were awesome. But there must have been a pound of them.

I can't say a bad thing about Linkhaus. The staff is courteous, the price seems reasonable for the quality, and I wish them all the best, but I think I'm more of a Dog-n-Shake guy.

The Wall Street Journal, in sort of an opposition point of view to proposed airline regulations, did an article on the "golden age of flying" last week that basically argued there WAS no such age, comparing ticket prices, aircraft quality, frequency of flights, and more, basically coming to the conclusion that Hollywood is responsible for the romantic glamorous image flight has. That people who remember flying that way actually never could afford to fly.

It's probably true that people who fly less think of it more fondly because it's a special moment in time for them. People who fly more are jaded from the common downsides. Actual flying kind of sucks. You have to go through security checks and sometimes be physically searched (because as an American, I am guilty until proven innocent). There's all sorts of sitting around and waiting. And there's the flight itself in cramped quarters with limited service unless you can afford first class (and someday, I'm going to spend the money just for the experience). But even THAT isn't what proposed regulations are wanting to stop. Comparing a bumpy, noisy old DC-7 and inflation-adjusted ticket prices does NOT compare to regulations against overbooking, artificially optimistic schedules, and baggage fees.

Flight still holds a certain fascination with me. In my youth, I had a scanner programmed to the airport frequencies to listen to arrivals and departures. I still view pictures of aircraft in various company livery just for fun. I'd probably watch takeoffs and landings from runway viewing areas if they hadn't been taken away from us (again, back to the 'guilty until proven innocent' thing). I wouldn't rule out working in the industry if I could find the right fit one day.

There ARE ways to remember flight fondly out there. Boeing Commercial's VP of marketing Randy Tinseth has been writing some great material on the upcoming 787. Randy does a great job describing where the status of testing is and telling stories about air shows and other events he handles. He throws in some great pictures as well.

Southwest's blog has a feature called "Flashback Fridays" that looks at not only the company's history, but the history of various airports it serves. Some fascinating images and stories there.

There there's Wichita. As the "Air Capital of the World", Wichita is a city rich in flying heritage. The first commercially available planes were built here. Cessna and Hawker-Beechcraft were founded here and are still based here. Most major players in the US aircraft industry have some sort of operations here. Not to mention McConnell Air Force Base. (Local commercial air service, oddly enough, could use some improvement. I suppose they don't really have that much business since the flight industry muckety-mucks probably come in on their own aircraft at their own airports...they all have their own runways at their campuses.)

I recently toured the Kansas Aviation Museum. This building was the Wichita Municipal Airport between 1935 and 1954, a beautiful art deco building that served as a popular hub for the final leg of flights to/from Denver or Los Angeles. Lots of celebrities from the golden age of film came though here. Sort of the air industry equivalent to Ogden's Union Station, I suppose.

The building was taken over by the Air Force, who abandoned it in the 1980's. The foundation to restore the building and create a museum began in 1990. They have a long way to go (particularly when it comes to air conditioning), but it's still an interesting place with lots of props, motors, and planes on display. You can go up to the tower the Air Force added on later for the highest view of the Wichita area available without actually flying over the city.

The displays fill the airport building but don't stop there. Several unique and interesting planes sit outside, including a Boeing 727 and 737, some bombers, and smaller military and commercial aircraft. These include the unique and much loved Beechcraft Starship.

You don't get to enter the planes unless you're apparently a super important elitist (the 727, an old FedEx cargo configuration, was opened up by a staffer for some people...when I followed them in I was kicked out), but how often do you get to walk this close to them...around them, under them? Still pretty cool. It had been years since I'd even seen a 727, my favorite airline of all time, and I'd never before climbed the rear stairs of one.

So if actual flying and the headaches involved has you jaded on a once proud method of travel, look to these guys to feel the magic again.

Or just drive.

New Flavor

2010-07-24T12:30:00.002-05:00

Place: Dog-n-Shake
Lunch: Chili dog, chili cheeseburger, Dr. Pepper

I'm having the strangest feeling of deja-vu. Like I've been here before. Recently.

At 5:30am, I woke up, never to get back to sleep. I had NO reason to be up this early. It just happened. Got bored quickly. Decided to make a grocery run.

So by 6, I was at the East Kellogg Walmart. This is one of those Walmarts that makes you think of the "People of Walmart" web page. (Actually, ALL Wichita Walmarts make you think of the "People of Walmart" web page.) Grabbed some Simply Limeade. Grabbed some Simply Apple. Grabbed some Gatorade. While wandering towards the front, I saw a Dorito's display with two new flavors..."Stadium Nacho" and "Tailgater BBQ". According to the packaging, these are some sort of co-promotion with the next Madden football video game. You KNOW you're big when Frito Lay will brand food around you.

I picked up the Stadium Nacho Doritos, because we humans simply cannot resist trying every new flavor Doritos can come up with. Even when I never buy Doritos otherwise. Doesn't matter. Gotta try 'em.

Closer to the checkstands, I saw a Dr. Pepper display in retro styling. In celebration of their 125th birthday, Dr. Pepper is putting out a series of retro-looking cans holding Dr. Pepper made with "real sugar". It doesn't specify WHICH sugar. Could be cane sugar, could be beet sugar, could be invert sugar (which isn't a real sugar on its own...it's a syrup bastardized from real sugars. It's apparently sweeter. The baking industry worships the stuff for its stability and shelf life.) Anyway, there's four or five different collectible cans.

At checkstand row, exactly one line was open. It's checkstand 21, at the other end of the store. This is stupid for at least two reasons. First, the entry doors at that end of the store aren't open anyway. Why would you post your only checker at the opposite end of the store from where anybody can enter or exit? Second, it's a "10 items or less" lane. What if I want to buy more than that? (I'm sure they'd accommodate that, but it's still dumb.)

Naturally, every shopper in the store suddenly converged on this line the second they saw me heading in that direction. The guy being checked out had NO clue how to use the credit/ATM pad. The cashier was patiently trying to tell him how to use it. It did not go well.

After I got back, I fell asleep until 10. Oops. I then toured the Kansas Aviation Museum, a story which I will save for later.

How were the Doritos? Sort of plain. If you tried them blind and were asked to guess what flavor they were, you probably wouldn't have any idea what they were going for.

And the anniversary Dr. Pepper? More tolerable than fructose Dr. Pepper, but not quite Dublin Dr. Pepper.

Must be using invert sugar.

Then again, this hotel fridge doesn't get very cold, either.

Old School

2010-07-17T14:20:00.001-05:00

Place: Dog-n-Shake
Lunch: Chili dog, onion rings, chocolate shake

Dog-n-Shake is an old Wichita chain that's been around in one form for another since 1948. Their specialty is a hot dog in a toasted bun. Toasted and squished, really. Good, though. I toast and butter all my hot dog buns at home anymore. The dog itself is perfectly decent, if unremarkable. The shake's pretty good. The "homemade" onion rings actually come off as if they really are. The one time I tried making onion rings at home, they looked disastrous. These look just like them.

Online reviews of Dog-n-Shake are pretty bad. I think they're unfair. It's decent cheap eats in an old-school fast food setting and the crew at the one I go to couldn't be nicer. It makes me think of Pup-n-Taco, a California chain Taco Bell acquired and folded in years ago. I will always be bitter that I never got to experience Pup-n-Taco. More so than any abandoned chain. Sure there's a couple of survivors in Albuquerque working under the name "Pop-n-Taco", but I'm sure it's not the same as Pup-n-Taco in its prime.

Saw "Inception" this morning. Pretty decent. A bit of a thinker, though. And you're left wondering if you just witnessed a happy ending or not.

I may not be blogging much over the next ten weeks, as a major work project will be consuming my time. But that's okay...it's making the summer fly by.

I'm more of an October person anyway.

The Paper Waste

2010-07-07T12:13:00.000-05:00

Place: Subway
Lunch: Foot-long Cuban pulled pork sandwich, Lays potato chips, Dr. Pepper

I'm a sucker for LTO's ('LTO' is restaurant jargon for 'limited time offering') so I had to give this a try.

Subway Sandwich Artist: "They recommend yellow mustard and pickles for this," making a face when she says "pickles".

Me: "I agree."

Subway Sandwich Artist: "I don't like pickles, but I tried this with them anyway. I didn't like the pickles. Now I put peppers and banana peppers on mine."

Then she giggles.

It's pretty good, but pulled pork is always better with barbecue sauce, in my opinion. They also put Black Forest ham on these.

Remember when Subway sandwiches were cut by putting a V-shaped wedge into the bread? The sandwiches were FAR more impressive looking then. Now they cut them in half and they look like they were stepped on somewhere in the assembly line. Who is the idiot who came up with that idea?

My friend @michaelkreagan did a blog today about the increasing irrelevancy of the Yellow Pages. I have to agree. I must get four or five different versions dumped on my door step or in my mail box a year. I keep one...in case I need a quick reference to a local plumber or something...but the rest go straight into the recycle bin. There are several easy ways to find this info online from your computer or even your phone. The only time I ever use them is if I'm in a strange town and I want a quick and easy alphabetical list of local restaurants.

I find myself thinking the same thing about newspapers anymore. We keep hearing people complaining about wasting our natural resources, and yet here's all this paper and ink that can be delivered electronically FAR easier, cheaper, and with fewer tree sacrifices. The hotel I stayed at in New York last week left print editions of USA Today in front of everybody's door each morning, which for some reason really annoyed me. (I took each edition and left it in front of a door that didn't have one, hoping the guest already picked theirs up and would open the door to another one, thinking "Huh?" That's me...Mr. Obscure Humorist.)

The reason these ancient technologies continue this way is because the print industry hasn't figured out how to make their electronic editions the cash cows their print counterparts are...or used to be. Several perfectly good magazines and newspapers have folded because they couldn't figure out how to survive with (or against) the internet. And their business models aren't changing...A lot of big-city newspapers spent millions modernizing their presses over the past ten years. Reminds me of the movie multiplex building boom that happened just before stadium seating came along. Hundreds of complexes nationwide suddenly became irrelevant and closed just a few years after opening.

With devices like the iPad and Kindle now, I can see the death of print editions coming. If publishers can convince people to pay subscription fees for complete editions delivered electronically that can be read on their iPads or desktops, why deal with big, bulky newspapers.

Books, whole 'nother story. I realize Kindle and the iPad have changed the perception of print books, but a lot of avid readers just want the comfort of that binded edition in their hands. Electronic copies will absolutely hurt print, but I don't think it'll kill the industry outright.

But newspapers and phone books? Not so much.

Pay Toll Here

2010-07-06T11:55:00.001-05:00

Place: Burger King
Lunch: Texas Whopper (no tomato), onion rings, Dr. Pepper

Oh no! Who do I choose...Edward or Jacob??? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Actually, I have no idea which crest represents who, so I choose the one that has totem pole-like images. I win a Crossanwich. How very Native American. I rub off the other crest to find it would have won me NOTHING. You SUCK Team Other Crest!

BK is having a Twilight contest. You have to collect groups of game pieces, much like McDonald's Monopoly game. The game pieces are represented by the goth characters from the movies. I wouldn't mind winning that Volvo XC60, but there's no WAY I'm eating enough BK to bother. Actually, it looks like you can also win the Volvo instantly. Or you could win $100,000, buy the Volvo, and pay the taxes on it. That would appear to be the correct plan of action.

The promotional tray liner is covered in angry goth kids. Why isn't anybody in Twilightville ugly? Oh wait...Leah's ugly. Carlisle's pretty ugly. Edward and Riley are ugly. Actually, Edward and Riley appear to be the same person.

PREVIOUSLY ON THE WAY HOME FROM NEW YORK...I stopped at the toll plaza on the west edge of Ohio, handed the toll taker my money, and she said "We can't accept Canadian coins. Do you have an American penny?"

Seriously. A PENNY.

Without saying a word, I fished out an American penny and swapped her. As I started to drive off, she muttered "It's not my fault".

(I later used the Canadian penny at a bp station. Consider that my protest against the oil spill...I stuck bp with an apparently inferior Canadian penny.)

The irony here is that the New York Thruway toll booths actually ENCOURAGED Canadian money with a ten percent discount if paid in Canadian funds.

Toll roads are highways local tax payers were too cheap to pay for, so politicians force poor unsuspecting travelers to pay for on the fly. Very popular out east...I paid a total of $22.15 in tolls between Victor, NY and Chicago coming home. Greed-hungry politicians nationwide are always wanting to turn existing highways into toll roads, so I can only assume massive corruption and kickbacks are involved. All of that crap is supposed to be paid for through gas taxes, so just raise those. Or stop using gas taxes to pay for non-related crap, as some groups have accused. Jeepers.

What I really hate about toll roads are the unmanned exits that demand exact change, making it impossible to pay if you don't happen to have enough coins (they're always like 50 cents and they don't take bills). Chicago is notorious for this. Their 'alternate' solution is you can go to their toll website, note your license plate and the date and time of the offense, and pay the toll with a credit card. Yes, I once paid like 65 cents on my credit card via their website. Stupid. Just stupid. If you can't be bothered to staff the things, you shouldn't be charging tolls. Then there's Denver, where they have toll plazas every few miles instead of at the exits, so you're constantly having to stop and pay for another leg of your trip. Freaking ridiculous. (Thankfully, there's almost no reason to ever use Denver's stupid toll roads.)

Anyway, when traveling around Chicago, make sure you keep a roll of quarters in your vehicle, unless you're going to do this enough to bother with an E-ZPass.

Toll roads often have an electronic pre-pass you can put in your car, avoiding toll takers completely. You drive through the reader lanes, and they either bill you or you maintain a prepaid balance. Most states from Illinois eastward use a common one called E-ZPass, which will work in every state that accepts it. I don't travel those states enough to bother. I DO travel the Kansas Turnpike enough that I have their K-TAG. It's a small adhesive thing that sits behind the rear view mirror and is completely invisible to the driver. The days of big, bulky metal contraptions are gone, baby.

There are advantages to traveling turnpikes, the big one being 'service centers'. These are super rest areas with gas stations, restaurants, and convenience stores. No exiting off to some town, just jump off and jump on. And they're typically staffed 24 hours, so they feel a lot safer in the middle of the night. The negative is that they often...not always...tend to do a little price gouging.

Turnpikes also tend to be in better shape than the interstate system...or at least they SHOULD be, being maintained out of the perpetual fund generated by tolls.

The Kansas Turnpike also has an advantage of its own...aside from the I-70 stretch, it has lighter traffic. Since I-35 runs south of Kansas City to Emporia, few people (aside from those seeking Topeka specifically) travel the stretch between Topeka and Emporia, so it tends to be a quiet, less stressful drive. Even the stretch between Emporia and the Oklahoma border feels less traveled, though I don't know how that traffic is bypassing it.

You know what would be awesome? If a state without tolls started charging tolls JUST to cars with license plates from states that charge tolls on THEIR highways.

"But my car's a rental! I'm not really from there. The plate just happens to say I'm from there!"

Look, punk. In any war, there's an acceptable loss ratio.

Long Summer Drive

2010-07-02T10:52:00.000-05:00

Place: Sheetz
Lunch: Meatball sub, garlic Fryz, Pepsi

I have no idea how they make these garlic Fryz taste so good...but they do.

What a perfect day for a patio lunch, and a little blog writing. It's just gorgeous. I'm on the road heading home after what will have been a week-and-a-half long combination work/personal trip. Should be back tomorrow. The loop trip has taken me through Illinois, Indiana, Kentucky, Ohio, Pennsylvania, and New York. Weather has largely been favorable, save for a torrential downpour between Galesburg and Peoria...the kind where people park under the overpasses and even SUV's hydroplane. Nasty. The drive last Sunday from Florence (y'all!) to Webster was crazy hot and miserable.

Western New York is just beautiful. Our vendor is in the village of Victor, whose business district is right out of a small-town romantic comedy. Cute buildings, cute homes, cute businesses being run out of cute homes. All surrounded by lush greens and big shady trees. Very quaint. Sort of Pacific Northwest without the rain. Two convenience stores, both crappy. Tim Horton's became my breakfast routine. The Holiday Inn Express we were booked at was ridiculous. While waiting for the others (who flew in), I sat in the lobby and listened to the desk clerks quote $130-$140/night over the phone in between conversations about how much they hate their jobs. Oh, and the maid had left me a present...half-used soaps in the shower from previous guests. What I would give for Marriott to put a Spring Hill Suites in here.

Tonight is South Bend, where rumor has it they have a real functional Del Taco.

Then home to the cats.

Reds

2010-06-26T11:30:00.001-05:00

Place: Frisch's Mainliner
Lunch: Big Boy (with extra tarter sauce), chili, Coke

Frisch's Mainliner is a modern Frisch's Big Boy that sits on the lot of the old Mainliner drive-in, the first restaurant Frisch's sold the Big Boy sandwich at when they became a franchisee to the Big Boy system back in 1946. The signage dates back to the 1950's, but the Mainliner originally opened in 1939. The current building, recently remodeled, went up in 1988. To avoid further confusion, I'll just send you to my Big Boy page for more information here. You will be unexpectedly fascinated.

I'm in Cincinnati for a special one-off Over the Rhine show tonight. I won't go into why Over the Rhine is my favorite band again because you don't care. Anyway, I've been here a couple of days relaxing and getting my fill of my Cincinnati favorites (LaRosa's and Skyline Chili mostly) and last night did something I almost never do...I allowed my childhood to emerge and fulfill a fantasy. I went to a Reds home game.

For those not familiar with baseball (and God bless you), it's a horribly boring sport that acts as background fodder while people drink beer and socialize. But it was kind of a big deal the one summer I collected baseball cards, which may have also been the one summer I played in the triple-A version of Little League. If A-D-D was a recognized disorder back then, I would have been the textbook case from that experience. Anyway, the Reds were my team (this was in the days of Pete Rose and Johnny Bench so they were a LOT of people's favorite team) and seeing a game at Riverfront Stadium would have been the ultimate fantasy that summer.

This actually ISN'T my first major league game. I attended a Mariner's-A's double-header in the Kingdome on a youth group trip. Billy Martin was the A's manager at the time, and there was a bench-clearing brawl. Can't ask for much more than that at a Billy Martin game. I've also been to a few triple-A games for work-related functions mostly...one because Huey Lewis and the News were playing after the game. I couldn't tell you a single thing about those games, let alone who won.

The experience was surprisingly reasonable...I spent a total of about $70 on the whole outing, including the ticket, fees, parking ($5 downtown a few blocks away), the prerequisite ball park hot dog, and a large soda. And I had an awesome seat along the first base line practically parallel to home plate in the lower section. Attendance was around 32,000. It was "Irish Heritage Night" and they had all sorts of pre-show festivities. And the Reds wore green caps. Yes, out of the roughly 80 home games I could have happened upon this year or any of the last several, I choose to attend the ONE game the Reds are wearing GREEN FREAKING CAPS.

Modern sports stadiums tend to have a lot more specialty food available than they used to, and while there were more choices than the usual peanuts and Cracker Jack (which WERE here), there wasn't anything particularly goofy. The hot dog stand here was a monster of a facility with a variety of dogs and brats. LaRosa's and Skyline were present making pizzas and chili 3-ways. SuperPretzel had a kiosk. And somebody was making big hamburgers that I didn't see, but some people in my row had them. The whole stadium smelled of ketchup.

The Reds defeated the Indians 10-3. I got to see a couple of home runs. Neato.

I don't think I'll do it again anytime soon. The heat...and last night was actually pretty nice with a breeze and lower than normal humidity...bothered me a lot. The walk back to the parking garage was all uphill. I felt sick by the time I got there. And let's face it...I pretty well lost interest by the bottom of the 2nd. I DID stay the whole game, but not the after-show fireworks.

Tonight's festivities are slightly more intimate (seating is limited to 200) and indoors, so that should be OK.

In the meantime, I'll be relaxing in my room for the afternoon and probably ordering in another LaRosa's pie before the show.

The Best Can

2010-06-05T11:20:00.000-05:00

Place: Taco Time
Lunch: 2 crispy tacos (no tomato), crispy chicken burrito, Coke

Taco Time posted on their Facebook page the other day that today is National Cheese Day. I have no idea if this is true or not, but it got me thinking of making cheese enchiladas for dinner tonight. If I go through with it, that will be three nights in a row of cooking.

(By 'cooking', I mean 'actually taking out pots and pans and making something...not microwaving'...which has become the norm.)

Woke up to the phone at 4am. It's moments like that when I hate my job.

Didn't get back to sleep. Tried until about 5am. Gave up.

Thought about a bowl of chili.

Did other things.

Thought about a bowl of chili.

Did even more other things.

Finally, at 7, I opened a can of chili. Wolf mild chili with beans.

Wolf manufactures thousands of cans of this stuff. Millions, probably. In several varieties. Mild, regular, and hot. With beans or without. I've had many. Many. Lots. There was no reason to believe this can would be different than any other.

But this was the best can ever.

No idea why.

But it was a very special can.

Why is that? Is it something unusual in the can? Is it something about me? Did my body chemistry align just right to make it the perfect moment to have that bowl of chili?

Ever go to a restaurant, have something happen that really annoyed you, and the meal was horrible as a direct result? There was nothing different about the meal than any other time you went there...you'd just been so put off that the very food that had brought you comfort so many times before was suddenly your worst enemy?

This was kinda like that. But opposite. And without something that triggered total happiness.

I think my cats are confused with me staying home this weekend. Maybe I should have gone somewhere.

But then I would have missed that magical can of chili.

Oh...That's Why

2010-06-02T12:30:00.001-05:00

Place: Pizza Hut
Lunch: Lunch buffet, Pepsi

I made my semi-annual Dublin Dr. Pepper run over the weekend. I was down to something like a half case of the stuff. Now I have thirteen cases of cans and four cases of bottles. That should be good to the end of the year. Maybe.

(Dublin Dr. Pepper is made with cane sugar and has a whole different flavor profile. I've explained this before. It's not my fault you don't know this.)

I've had to explain the whole Texas run to two co-workers thus far. "HOW long did it take to drive down there?" "And you just drove down and BACK?"

(P.S. - No, there was more to it than that. But whatever drama works for you...)

While in Texas, I tried Taco Cabana's new Brisket Tacos. If you live near a Taco Cabana, you MUST try one. It's nothing more than beef brisket in a flour tortilla with a side of barbecue sauce. You don't need the barbecue sauce. The meat is THAT good.

Oh...And to whoever at Krystal came up with the bright idea of the "Butter Chik"...you deserve sainthood.

Today's lunch hour was a late start. And I had no idea what to have. But Pizza Hut staged a guy with a sign in front of Incredible Pizza (that THAT, Incredible Pizza!) promoting a special $5 price on Pizza Hut's buffet for today only. So I figured, why not. I haven't been there in about a year. Can't remember why.

Now that I'm here, I'm thinking "Oh...That's why."

Smiling Server Megan is super nice, though. She seems to be in a much better mood than Hope down at the QuikTrip today. When Hope's grumpy, Hope's grumpy.

They're probably both in a better mood than that guy driving the "Two Men and a Truck" truck who obliterated the Laserwash street sign though.

Why'd I leave the office again?

Oh...Nothing

2010-05-27T11:50:00.009-05:00

Place: Arby's
Lunch: Steakhouse sub, potato cakes, Dr. Pepper

The steakhouse sub isn't all that great. It's on a ciabatta roll (that bread that reminds you of an English muffin). It doesn't have all that much roast beef, and the sauce is a little weird. Give me a large beef n' cheddar any day. If Chester could talk, he would agree. He loves the beef n' cheddar. Of course, the large beef n' cheddar sandwich costs more than this whole combo meal.

Another new thing they have is "prime-cut chicken tenders". Huh? They supposedly come from the "prime cut of the chicken breast". Okay.

I'll say this about Arby's...They throw a lot of LTO's against the wall in hopes something will stick. They always have.

Another hot day, but not so bad on the humidity side so it's actually nice. When I arrived here, I noticed they had outside patio seating. I thought to myself, "I'm going to sit outside". I thought that while I ordered, I thought that while I waited for my food. You know what? I didn't sit outside.

The last of my shows ended their seasons last night, and there's four-to-seven hockey games left.

Guess it's movies and video games going forward. Or getting out more.

Riiiight.

Fast Food Ribs

2010-05-25T11:40:00.001-05:00

Place: Burger King
Lunch: BK 'fire-grilled' Ribs, onion rings, Dr. Pepper

The heat is here. The humidity is here. It's hot. Stupid sucky sweaty hot. I need to move to the desert. Or back to the Northwest. Or invent time travel and pass summer up completely. Fast-forward straight to football season and caramel apple milkshakes.

Over the past couple of years, BK has been moving away from their traditional conveyor rack flame broiler to something called a "batch broiler", which is said to reduce energy consumption by 90 percent and allow smaller batches of burgers to be cooked faster, allowing for a fresher tasting product. It also had an unintended side effect...Customers said the burgers tasted better. "More like they used to". (My opinion on that...they've gone from tasting charbroiled to intensely charbroiled. Unnaturally charbroiled.)

BK showed off the batch broiler at some recent convention or event or something by cooking all sorts of odd stuff in one, making the point that they would be able to expand menu offerings. They didn't waste time doing so...Some BK's last week started offering a rib meal.

This isn't the pressed pork boneless McDonald's McRib (whose popularity continues to baffle me). It's six (or eight if you move up) bone-in ribs, sold in a combo for what has been reported as high as $7.99 in some markets. The local BK's are corporate-owned, so I figured they'd have them here. They did...starting at $5.99. The eight-piece was $6.99.

So while literally everybody else in the building was ordering off the value menu, I tried the ribs.

These are not "I went to Tony Roma's and ordered a half rack of baby back ribs" ribs. They're individual pieces about three inches long and aren't covered with sauce (they come with two dipping packets of barbecue sauce of such a quality that the main ingredient...even before water...is high fructose corn syrup). They remind you more of wings wrapped around a bone. They're a finger food to be sure. You can probably eat them while driving without making a mess as long as you're not dipping.

Taste? Ever tried KFC's grilled chicken? That's what I immediately thought of. It's an intense flavor that doesn't come off as natural. In fact, this would make more sense on KFC's menu than Burger King's. I'm guessing they probably have a really heavy sodium content, but I don't know that for sure (I couldn't find them on BK's website).

I don't see them becoming a cult favorite.

I don't blame BK for trying this, though. They need SOMETHING to get people to move up from the value menu.

Cat Box

2010-05-19T11:50:00.001-05:00

Place: Hardee's
Lunch: 1/3 lb grilled cheese bacon Thickburger, bacon cheddar fries, Dr. Pepper

I wonder why they didn't toast the bottom bun. Wonder if that's normal, or if they just screwed up. Whatever. Excellent otherwise.

Apparently we're FINALLY getting a local HD newscast today starting officially with WHO's 13 News at Five, but secretly soft-launching with the 13 News at Noon. You're terribly excited, I can tell. KCCI, much like their reporting, will continue to be fuzzy. My favorite newscast will continue to be KWCH Wichita's because they've been in HD for awhile already and they have a dog on the weather staff.

Ever feel like it's impossible to get ahead...that no matter how much or how little money you have, time and space converge to make sure you have just enough of a crisis at all times to have some expenditure that will keep you from getting over that bump? As if your budget was part of the delicate balance of nature?

*suddenly hears Activia theme song in head*

Well, nature called. For the cats, specifically. My litter box needed to be replaced last week.

You're thinking "Litter box? You can buy those for less than five bucks!" Yes. Normal litter boxes. I'm replacing a Litter Maid. And the solution I've found to replace it costs more than the monthly rent of five of my past apartments.

When I first relocated to the Townhouse of Solitude, I discovered something that had gone unnoticed at the old place...Everything was covered in litter dust. Everything. Regardless of where in the house it was. And everything smelled like cat litter, an odor I'd apparently mistakened for "old house".

Chester confirmed the litter problem when he trotted across my new black appliances, leaving behind litter dust footprints that had previously gone undetected somehow.

So I started looking at dust-free litters and settled on some stuff called "the worlds best cat litter" or some such nonsense. And the dust problem went away. But the litter didn't control odor as well and the cats didn't like the feel of it. So I got the self-cleaning box known as the "Litter Maid" to try and keep the smell down and keep the overall box cleaner for the cats. That cat litter ultimately didn't stick around (the cats and I swear by Dr. Elsey's "Precious Cat" 99 percent dust-free clumping litter now), but the Litter Maid did.

The Litter Maid has a big electronic comb that senses when a cat has done its thing and combs the litter box, moving the waste to a covered collector tray at the end of the box. In theory, this should result in an always-clean litter box, reducing odor and making cleanup easier.

In theory.

It has its flaws. First off, it's noisy in a loud high-pitched way. Second, they cost $100-$150 dollars. Third, the collector trays are not designed to be re-used and replacements are absurdly expensive. (But an Amazon reseller came up with a neat gadget that lets you use plastic grocery bags instead. It's awesome.) Fourth, stuff sometimes sticks to the bottom and to the rake, so the box isn't 100 percent clean. Fifth, clean litter would also end up in the collector tray (shoved in front of waste, I suppose).

Then there's my cats, who for some reason insisted on only using ONE side of the box. They do their thing, then cover it with the litter from the other side. So after a day or two, the box is half completely empty, and has a half row of groomed litter. The collector tray is also half empty and half full as a result, with everything spilling over the full side onto the carpet.

Litter doesn't just spill there...the cats throw it, track it in their paws, and who knows what else. This required the use of the Litter Maid accessory they don't tell you about...the Shop Vac. In fact, I was able to fill the box several times with litter I'd vacuumed up.

The Litter Maid doesn't have a terribly long lifespan, either. Most online reviews claim 1-2 years before the motor dies or starts doing weird things. That's how long mine lasted before it just kept combing and combing and combing over again because it didn't think it was finishing a cycle (when it was). So I started looking into replacements. I wasn't going back to the traditional litter box...the Litter Maid DID pretty much eliminate litter box odor, and significantly reduced scooping maintenance.

I wanted something quieter, cleaner, and with a bigger collector setup that would take longer to fill than the Litter Maid (which, tops, was two days).

Enter the Litter Robot.

The Litter Robot is a big globe on a base. Cats enter the globe, do their thing in a surprisingly small amount of space, and seven minutes later, the entire globe rotates like a cement mixer, clearing the litter of waste and depositing it into a drawer in the base (lined with any plastic bag you can find that will fit, which unfortunately does not include plastic grocery bags). The entire process also completely removes the unused litter from its sitting position and mixes the entire batch, returning it evenly dispersed in its proper place so it's like it's fresh every time a cat enters.

Fascinating.

So I ordered one. It showed up a couple of days later in a box nearly as big as my garbage can. I removed the dying Litter Maid, discovered a few pounds of litter that had escaped and was hiding under the Litter Maid, broke out the Shop Vac, cleaned, and set up the Robot. It's a little wider than Litter Maid Mega Elite, but about half as long, so I even gained some floorspace.

I was immediately sorry...that I hadn't set up the camcorder to catch the cats' reaction.

The cats were horrified.

They circled it. They observed it from afar. They saw it cycle. Chester stuck his head in, but wouldn't enter. Maggie wouldn't even approach it. They 'held it' for a good fifteen hours.

Finally, Chester tried it out and immediately was fine with it. Maggie, who considers Chester her own personal guinea pig, decided it must be okay and followed suit. I noticed this morning that Chester is working out the correlation between the cycling process and the waste disappearing...he did his thing, stood by and waited for the cycling process, then peeked his head in and dug around looking for it. He either thinks it's an amazing magic trick, or he's starting to figure out what's going on.

Quieter? WAY quieter. Cleaner? WAY cleaner. There's almost NO litter on the carpet near the unit since I set it up. Less litter waste? WAY less. The collector tray had nothing but waste clumps in it when I cleaned it (negative aspect: BOY did it smell!) Odor? NONE (unless the drawer is open, obviously). Capacity? I cleaned it for the first time after four full days...and I could have gone longer. This thing is ingenious.

More expensive? WAY more. $349. You could buy two or three Litter Maids. You could buy a hundred cheap litter boxes. But you know what? It's worth every penny. At least if it lasts.

We'll see.

Facebook

2010-05-14T14:30:00.006-05:00

Place: Steak & Shake
Lunch: Portabello mushroom-Swiss (lettuce pickles, onions, mayo), cheese fries, bowl of chili, Coke

It's getting harder and harder to defend Steak & Shake. The chili today is lukewarm at best, there's barely any cheese on the fries, and the burger is super soggy. And they apparently now offer a Grape Kool-Aid milkshake. WHAT???

Have you seen all the hoopla about Facebook the past couple of weeks? Mainly relating to privacy. Yeah, not good.

Because of the hoopla, I took a look at my privacy settings and discovered that my profile, which was set to only be shown to people I've designated as "friends", was suddenly wide open for anyone to see.

Me: pretty angry.

This has gotten enough press that even Congress has taken notice. People are now warning that you should either drop Facebook completely, or modify your information so that nothing is there you wouldn't want seen publicly. Which I'd pretty much done anyway, since some of my Facebook friends are just fans of this blog or my website or longtime internet friends I haven't actually met. Short of actual pictures, there's nothing more private there that you wouldn't have read here.

The one change I've made is that I set up a Facebook-specific e-mail address. I do that with most of my online accounts (even my personal website) so that I know specifically where the SPAM and what not comes from. I should have done that with Facebook in the first place.

Facebook IS a great tool. I love the steady stream of "news" from friends and media outlets I subscribe to. It's like a really customized AP wire feed. Plus, it's a great way to keep in touch with relatives. Several family members have just recently set up accounts. If it weren't for Facebook, most of them would be people I wouldn't hear from for years at a time. So even if the updates they're posting are about the color of their socks, I appreciate seeing them and just knowing they're out there. (Plus...let's face it...I dig random stuff like that.)

And I don't mind Facebook using information to help target advertising to me based on my likes. They should be able to make money, and I have in fact purchased things based on this structure. But having my 'likes' out in the wide open for any random person anywhere in the world to see...particularly when I specifically set my settings NOT to...is ridiculous. That stunt immediately made them a liability to every user they have.

They shouldn't even need to show my "likes" to advertisers. They should be able to sell advertisers their advertising and do the targeting internally. It's not that hard. Not that big a deal.

The sad part is, they don't seem to think anything they've done is wrong.

So what's the solution?

- There's already suggestions that somebody should create an open-source competitor to Facebook. Let the millions abandon Facebook and run to the new service. You know who should jump on this? Google. Googlebook. Or maybe Google could BUY Facebook. Google's doing everything else right (this very blog is hosted through a Google-owned interface), why not social media?

- Deactivate your account. Not so easy. Apparently, it doesn't really deactivate, so delete your pictures, unfriend your friends, and unlike your likes. Apparently, if you don't, it all stays up anyway.

- Deal with it and make sure nothing in your Facebook profile shouldn't be public knowledge. (Yes, that'd me my route.)

Sad, because everyone abandoning Facebook seems to be the only way to get the message to their management that they screwed up.

They really don't seem to care.

Skanky

2010-05-12T11:30:00.069-05:00

Place: smashburger
Lunch: Mushroom-Swiss, chili, Dr. Pepper

In case there was any doubt, smashburger's mushroom-Swiss has officially displaced Arctic Circle's mushroom-Swiss as my favorite. Though I'd still take either one any day.

It was dark as night outside until about 10 this morning. The wind is blowing, and the rain has been steadily falling at a heavy pace since I got out of bed.

Maybe it'll help the taste of the tap water. It's been pretty skanky lately.

(Is 'skanky' even a word?...checks Merriam-Webster...Yep, it is. Is 'yep' a word? Yep. What about 'dickweed'? Don't push your luck)

Years ago, our city water system was contaminated in a flood and we all had to use/drink bottled water for a month. So Wife #1 and I got a couple of cases of water, which turned out to be an unintended revelation. "WOW! I'm actually enjoying drinking this!" Because the stuff coming through our old pipes was just dreadful. We joined the bottled water generation.

After she passed away and I moved, I found the tap water at my new place was great. So no more need for the bottled stuff. Until recently.

At first, I thought it was my ice that was the problem because I'd put some fish in the freezer and, even though I stored it in sealed freezer bags, the whole freezer smelled like fish. So I tossed the fish, tossed the (allegedly) offending ice, cleaned, and put in an Arm & Hammer box. No more odors in the freezer. But the water still tastes skanky.

So I'm back to bottled water for now. We usually have a period in the Spring where they put chlorine in the water, and you can taste that, but that hasn't happened yet. Maybe that's the problem. I made Kool-Aid (grape...yay) and the odor is actually so strong you could detect it in THAT too.

But the weird thing that made me think more about this is that the office water cooler this morning seems to ALSO be suffering from this skankiness, albeit to a much lesser degree. I suppose this is bottled locally after going through their special filtering, but...weird.

Maybe it's all in my head.

I've considered getting a soft water system. Kinetico is allegedly right up my alley, but they're ridiculously expensive...several THOUSAND dollars.

A case of bottled water is under $5 at Costco and lasts me a couple of weeks.

Think I'll stick with the bottles for now and wait for things to get better.

Pinball!

2010-05-03T11:30:00.003-05:00

Place: Jason's Deli
Lunch: Pastrami melt, Texas chili, Dr Pepper

I keep meaning to summarize the hybrid car deal from the weekend...My rental Altima hybrid got 37 mpg or better (I don't know if the tank was COMPLETELY full when I picked it up, and I completely filled it) on the 2.5 gallons of gas I used over my roughly 40 hours in Vegas. Pretty impressive for a V6. A lot of that is due to stop-and-go and slow moving traffic. I figure my four-cylinder Rogue would have been lucky to get 20-25 in the same scenario. In most situations, where you're driving longer stretches in town at 35-45 and on the highway more, the results wouldn't be nearly as good.

I've also since found out the hybrid Altima is only sold in like a half dozen states for some dumb reason. No wonder I hadn't heard of it before.

Oh...and driving around in a car with no audible motor sound? CREEPY.

Also, apparently to accommodate expansion, renting a car no longer happens at McCarran. It used to be you'd go to your favorite rental car company's booth near the baggage carousels, finalize your rental, and get bussed out to wherever their car lot was. Now you board a common rental car shuttle bus that goes out to a whole new facility about three miles south of the airport property (even south of 215). Enter what looks like a mall food court but with rental car companies instead of corn dogs and rent your car. The cars are all right there. They like to stress to you that, from the garage, it's just "three right turns to the strip".

It's true. I followed this advice and found myself at the bottom of Las Vegas Blvd. I went up past the famous sign, past the Luxor, Excalibur, and Tropicana hotels, and headed east on Tropicana Ave. I drove a few miles into the increasingly poor and abandoned area of town until I hit an area with a lot of empty space where buildings used to be...in some cases foundations still exist...until I saw the non-descript cement block on the left, its windows and glass doors mirrored like an adult book store, with nothing but a vinyl banner up top proclaiming the business inside...the "Pinball Hall of Fame".

The building was bare bones. One big room, save for maybe a makeshift unmarked bathroom in one corner. White walls and a cement floor. None of the overhead lights were turned on. There was a hodgepodge of change machines up front that supposedly were lifted off a casino's trash dock. There were some quarter candy machines.

And there were pinball machines. Over a hundred of them. Working. Playable. From every era of pinball.

I'm in heaven.

It's not a 'hall of fame' at all, per se. It's an arcade, plain and simple, that focuses on pinball. The man behind the machines is Tim Arnold, a lifelong pinball fan and a former Michigan arcade operator. Arnold and his wife invested successfully and sold his arcades in 1990 and 'retired', moving to Las Vegas, his massive collection of machines eventually following.

As he restored machines to play condition, he started having fun night parties at his home (where he has something like 1,000 old pinball machines waiting to be restored) to benefit local charities. Eventually, a building fund was started, and eventually, the Pinball Hall of Fame arcade opened to the public. This 10,000 square-foot location is actually their second building. I'm pretty sure Arnold is the guy with the thick glasses you see in the back of the building tinkering with machines in the dark, but I didn't ask.

Pinball is a dying art form. There's only one company still making new machines (Stern Pinball), and most of their machines are modern licenses of major franchises like Iron Man, Pirates of the Caribbean, and even CSI. Yes, all three of those are here. CSI is a very odd machine, with the actors speaking their lines very matter of factly ("Skull...multiball."). Still, there isn't a whole lot of market for these...Stern claims half of their sales are to private collectors. I rarely see any operating anymore, save for an occasional modern model in a movie theater arcade.

The Hall of Fame has lots of everything, really. Old Gottlieb machines from the 70's with their mechanical scoreboards and bells. Early solid state machines like Bally's Eight Ball Deluxe. Franchise pins like Star Trek, Star Wars, Kiss, and even an Elton John "Captain Fantastic" machine. The legendary but rare Williams 'Pinball 2000'-design "Revenge from Mars". (See the documentary 'Tilt' for more information. I'd never heard of it until @michaelkreagan hooked me up, because he's awesome that way.) Some I was hoping to see weren't here, like Centaur and Spirit of 76, but the Pinbot and Addams Family machines more than made up for that. There's also a few classic video games scattered about, including a Donkey Kong, Centipede, Tron, and a rare working Dragon's Lair.

I spent a good chunk of time here over two days and spent a total of just $16 in quarters playing the machines. The patrons I saw in the building were largely guys who likely were in their prime in the eighties, but a few couples would show up, and parents with kids too.

It's completely awesome, and it's all for charity. Arnold donates any profits to the local Salvation Army.

The Pinball Hall of Fame is at 1610 E Tropicana. They CLAIM the building is right across from the Liberace Museum, but it's not...it's down the street across from an empty lot surrounded by a chain-link fence.

The Liberace Museum, by the way, looks like it's housed in a re-purposed motel. Like an old TraveLodge. Or a really massive old strip mall.

Home

2010-05-02T14:00:00.001-05:00

Place: HuHot Mongolian Grill
Lunch: A plate of sea scallops with mushrooms, two ladles Samurai Teriyaki sauce, two ladles Feed the Horses Hoisin sauce, and three ladles Hot Chili Oil; a plate of chicken with Chinese noodles and mushrooms with three ladles of Samurai Teriyaki sauce, three ladles of Feed the Horses Hoisin sauce, two ladles of Burn your Village Barbecue sauce, and two ladles of Hot Chili oil; Coke

I am BEAT. Three and a half hours on a (padded) steel chair in the Palms concert hall last night, got back to the motel at 12:30, got up at 5:30, a couple of hours at the airport, and roughly three hours in a cramped seat on an MD-80. I need to start planning my flights so I'm either on a better more spacious airline, or plan my flights with stopovers so I get breaks in between. I just don't handle that 'three hours cramped in economy' crap well at all.

Oh well. I should be done flying until August.

Actually, I need to remember that I'm not really much into sitting at live events for extended periods of time either anymore. Even if I am in the front row and have unlimited leg room.

Conan was good. Not great, not spectacular, but good. Pretty sure that was all he was looking to achieve. The highlight of the show was LaBamba (the trombonist in Conan's band) singing a number before Conan came out. That guy is a talent and a half.

I'll probably write about the Pinball Hall of Fame and maybe other shenanigans later in the week, but the cats are totally demanding my attention right now, and it's hard to type when Chester's in my face.

Hybrid

2010-05-01T11:30:00.005-05:00

Place: In-N-Out Burger
Lunch: Double-Double (regular onions, no tomato), fries (well done), Dr Pepper

There's an older woman...Korean, I'm guessing...sitting at the table next to me with a girl I'm assuming is her daughter. She leans over and says "Sweetheart, you no have no more hair on your head."

Me: "Yes. I got rid of it several years ago."

"You no need shampoo."

"No."

At the counter, Jerry from Dollar Rental Car is ordering. "I don't want no onions, see?" Smiling Counter Girl complies and finishes order. "Yeah, but I don't want no onions!" This guy is clearly a former mobster in the witness protection program.

Welcome to In-N-Out on Maryland St, the only In-N-Out I've been to where you can walk in after 11am on a Saturday and not have to wait in line and there's plenty of available seating. It's on the east edge of the UNLV campus, yet it's also basically in the ghetto. The Von's down the street is so locked down that you have to get an employee to unlock the general merchandise section and they have to babysit you while you shop. This is the In-N-Out the strip employees go to. They know better than to deal with the insanity that is the In-N-Out on Dean Martin Dr.

I dropped into Vegas to catch Conan O'Brien's live tour at the Palms tonight. Yes, I'm just that awesome. How do YOU stand to benefit from this awesomeness? If nothing else, I will have probably built enough fodder for at least three blog posts. YOU REAP THE BENEFITS.

My rental car this time around is a Nissan Altima hybrid...my first experience with one. (Hybrid, that is. AND Altima, I guess.) The good news is I have much less to whine about with this car over the stripped-down Mazda I drove over my birthday weekend because the Altima has the same Intelli-Key feature my Rogue does. So I don't get confused about having to use the keys. I know it sounds stupid and petty, but that was REALLY annoying.

The hybrid has been an interesting experience with some quirks of its own. Hybrid vehicles have both electric and gas motors that switch back and forth between gas mode and "EV mode" when appropriate to accomplish the goal of saving gas. It's a little weird when you get in and push the start button and no engine turns on. The instrument cluster lights up and a green "Ready" indicator is your clue that you can drive. The engine will continue to not fire up if you don't hit the gas. So if you put the transmission in reverse and let it propel under its own motion, there's still no engine. Put it in drive and let it coast, still no engine. I can pretty well start the car and get to the lower level of my motel's parking garage without the gas engine.

Once you punch the gas and accelerate to cruising speed, the engine fires up and you take off. Modes alternate depending on the situation...if you're stopped at an intersection, let off the gas while cruising or stopping, or only need slight propulsion, the gas engine shuts off and your dash indicates you're in "EV mode". The same display also has one of those live "miles per gallon" meters that shows what mileage you're getting. When accelerating with the gas engine, it's usually below 20. When cruising, it can be anywhere from the mid-30's to closer to 60 (where it defaults when in EV mode). Our competitive nature makes this meter a game...we suddenly want to be the best gas saver in the world. We pay FAR too much attention to it and drive slower as a result, much to the shagrin of nearby motorists, who get really annoyed with your 'old lady'-like slow driving quirks. At least until the novelty wears off, because by the end of the night last night, I was driving it pretty much the way I do my own.

There's two oddities to get used to while driving...There's a slight bumping feel when the car switches modes (particularly on takeoff), and there's new noises to get used to...particularly the brakes. Hybrids use regenerative brakes, meaning when you hit the brake, the friction creates electricity, which the car uses to help recharge the battery. These brakes have a high-pitched whine. Not terribly annoying...you get used to it...but it's there.

It's interesting, though. I like the idea of being 'off' when 'on' isn't necessary. But for my driving habits (spent mostly on long stretches of open highway at constant cruising speed), I'm not sure there's a practical cost benefit. And those batteries aren't exactly cheap to replace. But it's great for tooling around in the stop-and-go traffic of Vegas. The electric trip odometer indicates I've done about 50 miles on the battery. I haven't even used a quarter of a tank of gas.

Oh...the Altima is a really nice car, by the way.

I spent the morning at Aria at the new City Center, which pretty much blew my patience for the strip. I'm not a big fan of the strip or gambling or mass crowds of people or buildings that are mazes designed to trap you in so you'll gamble. I tend to get agitated and even a little confused, then I just wear down. Aria may well be the pinnacle of confusion. It's nuts. It's decor is beautiful, though. But I still prefer Wynn/Encore.

I'm staying east of the strip on Paradise at a non-casino hotel. The hotel's pool is on the roof (24th floor) and has a great view of the strip to the southwest. It's a great place to hang out in the evening. Plus, the location is a straight shot south to the airport.

After lunch, it's off to the Pinball Hall of Fame.

But I'll explain that in a future post.

Cherry Pie

2010-04-08T12:02:00.008-05:00

Place: Tasty Tacos
Lunch: Original flour taco (extra meat), steak enchilada, refried beans, Pepsi

I should eat here more often. I keep forgetting how good the food is here.

David Lynch's surreal television series "Twin Peaks" turned 20 today. Still one of my favorite shows ever.

The show holds up today pretty well. It doesn't seem as strange as it did back then, of course. It was SERIOUSLY weird in its original airing with its lazy jazzy soundtrack, quirky characters, and odd fascination with doughnuts, coffee, and cherry pie. There was nothing on TV that even approached it. A mid-season replacement, it caught on quickly in its short first season. Expectations were high on the second season, but the show didn't deliver. Lynch had never intended to reveal Laura's killer, but it was basically demanded of him. The story then shifted on a nemesis for Coop by the name of Windom Earle. That was just a little TOO weird. And the quirkiness of the characters were wearing off. Still, every few years I'll pop out the DVD set and watch most, if not all, of it again.

The show's exteriors were shot at various locations in North Bend and Snoqualmie, Washington. The RR diner was really known then as the Mar-T-Cafe, today as Twede's Cafe. The Great Northern is really the Salish Lodge in Snoqualmie. It sits next to Snoqualmie Falls...the very falls found in the show's intro. There's all sorts of instantly recognizable locations in the area.

I believe they still hold annual Twin Peaks festivals. I attended the first, which was done in conjunction with the release of the Twin Peaks prequel film "Fire Walk With Me". I got my picture taken with Catheryn Colson, who played the Log Lady, right out in front of the Mar-T-Cafe. Yes, she was holding the log.

I'd love to see the show remastered in HD and released on Blu-ray. Even in its 4:3 screen format...though I bet they could re-frame everything in 16:9 just fine.

Evening Breeze

2010-03-31T11:38:00.000-05:00

Place: B-Bops
Lunch: Single hamburger (no tomato), chili, Pepsi

Last night was the rare perfect evening. The neighborhood air filled with the aroma of grilling, people leisurely walked their dogs, windows were opened, the distant sounds of wild critters started to appear, and a gentle breeze or two wandered in as I took care of some things on my newly refurbished PC.

Yes, the cables arrived, and the case is once again closed. Everything works perfectly. The new wireless keyboard and mouse are great. Especially the mouse, which has a wheel that doesn't click. It's just smooth motion. I LOVE that. The keyboard is taking some getting used to...it's one of those ergonomic curved ones, but it's not to the extreme like a lot of those out there. They run on AA batteries. Wonder how long those will last.

My townhouse association had approved purchasing and posting speed limit signs over the winter. Those went up yesterday. The posted speed limit: 11. Because THIS village goes to 11.

(Yes...that was totally my idea.)

These perfect mild evenings won't last. Soon, the air will get humid and sticky, and I'll be wishing for October to hurry up and arrive already.

In the meantime, I'll enjoy it while it's here.

Upgrade

2010-03-29T11:26:00.005-05:00

Place: smashburger
Lunch: 1/3 lb All-American with egg, chili cheese dog, Coke

This is my second attempt at a chili dog today. Between yesterday and today, my life has been so awesome I just might puke.

One of the things I decided to budget into this year was a new PC. But because PC's haven't come quite as far as I had expected them to by now (specifically Blu-ray authoring...which you CAN do, but it's not to the speed/processing/price point that I want to see yet), I decided to upgrade my existing 3-year old unit. It already runs everything I want to run fast enough, so why not. So I figure I'll get a bigger hard drive, get an additional PCI slot USB port (I have one more dedicated USB device than available slots on the back) and update to Windows 7 (I have a Vista machine) and use this one for a year or two more.

What could possibly go wrong.

So I pick up Windows at Costco. I also find a nice Microsoft wireless keyboard/mouse that would not only reduce the number of annoying wires I have running around, it would free up that needed extra USB slot. They don't have internal hard drives, though. The one I want is available at Amazon or Best Buy for $99. So I go to the neighboring Best Buy.

The IN-STORE price for the same hard drive that's $99.99 online is $119.99 in the store. Huh? So...do I go home, order it online, and come back to pick it up? Or order it from Amazon? Or eat the $20 and get it here? I eat the $20 because I just want to get going on this.

So I go home with Windows 7, new hard drive, and snazzy keyboard/mouse in hand.

First things first...I install the hard drive. Or so I think. The hard drive didn't come with a data cable. WHAT? The hard drive uses a newer SATA power and data cable, which my existing hard drive also uses, so at least they match. My PC's SATA power cable has two plugs so I'm fine there...just no data cable.

Nice.

I had also been trying to decide between doing a new Windows 7 install on the new drive and transferring files from the old one (having one single 1 TB drive in the end) or doing an upgrade on my current drive, using the existing drive for programs and the new drive for files. Initially, I decided to just use the new drive. So I plugged in the new one and fired up the machine to boot from the Windows 7 CD.

Things start the way they should, then just quit when it comes to "booting from CD".

Okay.

I plug in the old drive and load Windows. Then go to look for the Windows install CD. Which isn't a CD at all, of course...it's a DVD. And after much troubleshooting, this is when I realize that my DVD burner has quit reading DVD's. Actually, it hasn't successfully burned a CD in awhile either now that I think about it. Crap.

Best Buy is closed by now, so off to Walmart for a DVD burner. If I'm lucky, they'll have a SATA cable too. I'm not lucky. But I get a new DVD burner for $40. I get back home, open the box, and...what's THIS? A SATA data cable? SCORE! But why would a DVD burner need a...Oh great. The DVD burner requires a SATA cable/power source. My old one used the big gray ribbon cord and a four-point power plug. There's no way my existing SATA power source can do the drive and the hard drives at the same time. So I'm looking at an adapter. But at least I can get started. It's a mystery why the mother board has like five inputs for SATA data sources but the power supply is only set up for two. Quick research shows four-point SATA power adapters are readily available, though. I've completely bored you to tears by now, haven't I.

By this time, I'm frustrated enough that I decide to forego the ground-up install to the new hard drive and just upgrade the existing build. In order to power both the DVD drive and the hard drive, I have to have them within a few inches of each other due to the short power cable. So I start the PC with the hard drive rack on the floor next to the DVD burner (also on the floor) and start the upgrade process.

Windows 7 goes through the motions, does some searching, then presents a list of programs it wants me to uninstall. Okay. Done.

Windows 7 goes through the motions, does some searching, then presents a list of other things it wants me to do. Okay. Done.

Windows 7 goes through the motions, does some searching, then says "Reboot your computer, stupid." Okay. Done.

Windows 7 goes through the motions, does some searching, then says "Okay. I'm going to install. You can go. For now."

So I wander to the bedroom and fire up a movie. Chester, who is sprawled across the bed like a big orange tabby beach towel, and I watch "The Wizard of Oz". The three-disc "Emerald Edition" Blu-ray was on sale for $12.99 at Costco. Jeepers. Did WB print too many of them or something? It's $39.99 at Amazon.

I watch the whole movie while Windows 7 installs. Then I watch the new "Aqua Teen Hunger Force". Then I am prompted to enter the product key. Then I'm told the product key is wrong. Then I figure out one of the 8's I entered is supposed to be a B. Then Windows 7 starts and everything works perfectly. Go figure.

So I shut down, disconnect the DVD burner, put the hard drive case back in the tower, and hook up both drives. The DVD will have to wait for my SATA power adapter and 3rd SATA cable to arrive (which I order from Amazon because I can't even imagine what Best Buy charges for that crap, and they've punished me enough for one weekend). I don't really need it right now anyway.

I fire up the machine. The new 1TB drive is nowhere to be found.

Double-check connections. They're fine. Fire up and check the BIOS. It sees it. What's the deal here? I decide to wait until tomorrow to find out.

Morning comes and I do some online searching. I discover this is a common problem. I take some notes on how to fix it but am late for work. And really really hungry.

Make very frustrating drive to office amidst 40 mph stop-and-go traffic made up of zombies who have no reason to exist other than to obstruct traffic and waste resources. Stop at QuikTrip for chili dog and soda. Get to office. Chili dog goes flying out of my hand in the parking lot. Package breaks open and hot dog escapes bun, rolling through the parking lot and becoming encased in a layer of sand and gravel left over from snow removal.

Which is why this is my second attempt of the day at a chili dog.

And I still haven't hooked up the new keyboard and mouse.

Fro-Mex

2010-03-27T11:50:00.004-05:00

Place: Taco Bueno
Lunch: 3 deluxe tacos (no tomato), 2 bean burritos, Dr. Pepper

Recently at Walmart, I spied a Banquet Mexican dinner selling for 69 cents. Really? Not only less than a buck, but SIGNIFICANTLY less than a buck?

So even though Banquet has never ever even once made a TV dinner that I liked (much less one that didn't actually make me sick), I tried one. It was a single enchilada, a single tamale, a very small amount of sauce (so small, the instructions have you stop the cooking at some point to spoon the sauce over the enchilada and tamale), and some really weak beans. It makes the Patio brand dinners look luxurious.

(I like the Patio dinners, by the way, but I don't like to shop at the only chain in town that sells them. And they're usually out of them anyway.)

Years ago, Van de Kamp's (the frozen fish stick people) had a line of Mexican TV dinners under the label "Van de Kamp's Mexican Holiday". These included a single enchilada entree...no beans, no rice, just a big fat single enchilada. The cheese enchilada was one of my favorite things in the world. The cheese filling actually tasted like cheese. And olives, which were part of the mixture. They were just awesome. They cost about a buck and a half. They also had a line of regular dinners with rice and beans.

In the eighties, the line was apparently moved to the Don Miguel label, who continued producing the individual enchiladas for awhile, but they eventually disappeared from the market place.

Today, Don Miguel is a byline of the El Charrito label. They have a few regular Mexican style TV (sorry...I guess today they're called 'frozen') dinners and some ala carte offerings of stuff like mini tacos and taquitos. But nothing like those enchiladas (although the red sauce is basically the same). The El Charrito "enchiladas" have a thin amount of filling that appears to be spread on an open tortilla like a condiment before rolling. (They have a "Grande" size verson of the same dinner that seems to be better on the filling.) Sadly, it's the best of the mainstream Mexican dinners I know of. I have one for breakfast every once in awhile. I really enjoy gutbomb breakfasts, for some reason. QuikTrip chili dogs also make for a good breakfast.

The only thing I've found that even comes close to the old Van de Kamp's enchiladas is Amy's cheese enchiladas, which come in pairs as a single entree about the same overall size as Van de Kamp's did for $3-$5 depending on where you shop. But short of Amy's, the whole Mexican TV dinner concept has headed in a "who can make this crap cheaper" direction.

Swanson used to make a good Mexican TV dinner. The one they put out today isn't it. The "Hungry Man" version, which used to be a four-compartment tray with two beef enchiladas and two tamales with rice, beans, and pudding, is now a three-compartment meal with three really skimpy beef enchiladas served on TOP of the rice. It's not even the same recipe. And there's no more tamales.

By the way...Have you noticed Swanson has taken their name off the "Hungry Man" line? They're now just branded "Hungry Man".

It seems the only frozen Mexican food people are willing to spend more than a couple bucks on are the things like taquitos, tornadoes, flautas, and the like. Often sold in bulk. Want a complete platter? Find a Mexican restaurant.

I suppose this is also true about the other TV dinners out there, but I haven't had that craving.

Yet.

Auto Show 2010

2010-03-13T13:30:00.087-06:00

Place: Don Pablo's
Lunch: Tex Mex Ribeye (medium well), beans, chips & salsa & queso, fresh tortillas, Coke

Smiling Server Girl brings hot tortillas (which they make on site) with my queso cup and suggests I try dipping the tortillas in the queso. Smiling Server Girl is wise.

Is it that time of year again? Why yes it is! You're SO excited, you just might puke.

We are at the Minneapolis Convention Center. Admission this year has been adjusted to be more "family friendly", which means singles like me are now paying TEN BUCKS. Not to mention NINE BUCKS for parking.

With the economy being what it is and all of the changes in the industry, the show's arranged a bit differently. Porsche and most of the extreme high-end car makers are nowhere to be seen. Mitsubishi is also a no-show, which is a bummer because I wanted to check out the new Outlander. Subaru moved into Porsche's spot. GM, who used to take up something like a fifth of the show floor, no longer needs that much space and has downsized a bit. Lexus and Nissan have moved into some of GM's traditional space. Nissan cleverly positioned their big trucks right next to the GMC display, which prompted GMC fans to mistaken them for GMC's and check them out.

The big 'new' stuff is the continuing evolution of lighting and gadgets. LED accent/DRL lighting. Intelligent keys that you can leave in your pocket, allowing push-button start. Sensors that prevent accidents. There's even heated/cooled cup holders out there. Jeepers.

The big focus by the manufacturers this year seems to be crossovers...little SUV's and/or tall station wagons. MY focus is pretty much on those and coupes, so apologies to you sedan and redneck pickup truck lovers.

You know what depresses me? The number of people who demand auto headlights and wipers. Seriously...You can't be bothered to turn those on yourself? Why...Are you too busy texting?

One of the interesting things I saw was a couple going through every crossover model on the floor with a tape measure and measuring them from dashboard to tailgate. Wonder what they're comparing them to.

So...What's new and noteworthy?

FORD - Ford has the best television advertising of any automaker out there today. Their focus (no pun intended) on technology being explained by car owners works really well to differentiate them.

Ford Flex - These things are so damn cool. It's way more vehicle than I'd ever need, but I really want to drive one. At night.

Lincoln MKT - Sort of a crossover or tall station wagon. It had the first power-adjustable height/telescoping steering wheel I've ever seen amongst its 'power everything' features. It also had dreadfully boring white instrument lighting.

VOLKSWAGEN - They had a loaded black Tiguan Wolfsburg Edition that had some sweet leather seats. Nothing really new here, though. The New Beetle "Final Edition" convertible was here. So does that mean they're done with the New Beetle? I still miss mine.

SUBARU - Subaru seems a lot fresher this year than last. The Tribeca had some interesting gauges that back-glowed slightly in red when I entered the car. Nothing else really stood out to me, though.

HYUNDAI - Why is there a Nissan Rogue in the Hyundai display? Oh...it's just the new Tucson. REAL original design, guys. Not exactly a head-turner, but a big improvement over the previous model. And it gets Hyundai's cool blue dash lighting (or as a friend of mine calls it, 'Tron-blue lighting'). And when did the Accent get up to over $17,000? Yikes. Some Guy looking at the sticker price exclaimed "$17,000? What'd they put in it? Oh...it's got an engine." The Genesis and Santa Fe were very nice.

KIA - Kia's old ladder-frame mid-size Sorento has been replaced with a smaller car-frame vehicle designed to compete with the Santa Fe/Equinox/Terrain/blah blah blah class. I like their TV commercial with the partying toys. They had a stand-up version of them displayed with the turntable model. The vehicle itself felt very nice. Needs HID headlights as an option, though.

CHRYSLER - Nobody cares. Except maybe for the Dodge Challenger. They had a purple one here. That was pretty sweet. Let's see what happens when they start re-badging Fiats for U.S. sale.

TOYOTA - HOLY CRAP! One of the Corollas on display had a MANUAL WINDOW ROLLER! A manual window roller so cheap feeling, I felt like I could break it off in my hand. Not even the Hyundai Accent had manual rollers.

They also had a $38,000 Highlander with an "XM-ready radio" that did NOT include the XM tuner. That's absurd.

Given their unintended acceleration problems, is it really wise for Toyota to continue to use "Moving Forward" as their advertising slogan?

Honda - Honda SERIOUSLY decreased the size of their display. Maybe they just wanted to show the really cool product. Nope...It's all still Hondas. Acura was here too, but I didn't bother.

Mazda - Yawn. Maybe Mazda should have skipped the show and Mitsubishi should have taken their place.

Nissan - Aside from the trucks they were trying to intermingle with the GMC product, Nissan enclosed their space and filled it with...Nissans. Nothing new and noteworthy this year at all. I played with the on-board nav system in the Murano and found it to be confusing. Yay. Supposedly we're getting an updated Rogue next year. I'm still in love with mine.

GM - The 'new GM' is the old GM with half the brands and a few new crossovers. Howie Long should be proud. Idiot.

GMC Terrain - Wow. This thing feels CRAMPED. More cramped than anything I've sat in all show. What's the deal? Not exactly in love with that center stack either. And the "manly" look of the front end just doesn't make sense on a vehicle of this size. If anything, I bet this gets a lot of people to bump up to the Acadia.

Chevrolet Equinox - This thing had some seriously freaking awesome leather seats. I would have liked to have adjusted them properly, but they were electronic and the battery was disconnected. But they were really nice. They've also supposedly improved the steering radius over the old model too. I'll believe it when I drive it. It's still freaking ugly, though.

Chevrolet Camero - They had a metallic green one on the turntable that was just gorgeous. Not a dark green...mean green. They also had a red one on the floor. A blonde teenage girl was behind the wheel, hands fiercely grabbing the steering wheel, looking wide-eyed and hypnotized. This is every parents' worst nightmare.

Cadillac SRX - The oversized station wagon is replaced by a completely new Equinox-sized crossover that supposedly does NOT share the Equinox-Terrain platform. It's an all-new platform with a ridiculously smooth and quiet ride if you believe the Auto Week guys. Some Guy asked a Cadillac rep about the parts content. He read the label and said "55 percent Mexican."

WRONG answer for a premium GM buyer.

West by Southwest

2010-03-08T13:05:00.084-06:00

Place: Old Chicago
Lunch: "Rush Street" Buffet (pizza, Caesar salad, cookie), Pepsi

Geez, I haven't been here in forever. They must have missed me...they put some seriously awesome pizzas out today. Probably in my honor.

Scratch one off the bucket list...Flying Southwest Airlines. I did so for the first time last week. You'd think an airline is just an airline, right? But Southwest is such a unique experience, I figured I'd write up a survival guide for it.

tesg's SURVIVAL GUIDE TO SOUTHWEST AIRLINES

(ahem)

Okay, so you "wanna get away". Which website are you going to go to?

a) Orbitz
b) southwest.com
c) The official website of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

The correct answer is: b) southwest.com. Southwest doesn't syndicate its fares anywhere else. It's southwest.com or nothing.

You've selected your itinerary and have a choice of multiple fares.

a) Business Select: $182
b) Anytime: $162
c) Wanna Get Away: $59

Which fare are you going to choose?

The correct answer is: a) Business Select. And the reason you're going to do that is because of the way passengers are boarded and seated.

Southwest does not assign seats. You could wave the sum of the lottery at them and they won't do it. Southwest assigns boarding positions. First on board gets to choose whatever seat they want. The better the boarding position, the best selection of seats. There's several boarding classes, starting with "A". Guess who gets in the "A" group?? Business Select, the highest fare.

But it doesn't stop there. You also need to check in as early as possible. Southwest allows you to print boarding passes online up to 24 hours before the flight. Plan on doing so exactly 24 hours before the flight, because the first person in your seat class to check in gets the first boarding position. You'll still be in group "A" if you paid for Business Select if you walk up to the counter and check in an hour before the flight...you just might be the last in line in your group.

Bottom line...If you're the 80th person on a Boeing 737-300, you're getting a middle seat.

Oh...it gets even better...Picking any seat in the plane only happens if you're on the first stop of the day. If your flight starts the day in Houston with stops in Denver, Salt Lake, Boise, and Spokane, and you get on in, say, Denver, a good 40-50 seats are already going to be taken. And those who were already on board and got a crappy seat on the first leg get to cherry-pick better seats before the new passengers board.

Better still, let's say you have a connection somewhere and your plane is late, cutting your arrival time to be within a few minutes of your connection. Don't worry...Southwest will wait for you (within reason), but everybody else will be seated and you'll be stuck with whatever seats are left, regardless of what fare you paid.

This is all important to know because Southwest couldn't book a half-sold flight to save their life. Of the four flights I took last week, three were COMPLETELY sold out...EVERY seat was booked...and one was within four or five seats of sold out.

Okay, so you're on board and you have the choice of any seat except for the guy in front of you in line. (And the only reason HE beat you is because the guest computer in your hotel lobby that is specifically there for people to print boarding passes was being hogged up by some old man playing Mafia Wars.) Where do you sit?

a) In front by the bulkhead
b) Somewhere in the middle of the aircraft
c) In the back to take advantage of the white trash drunken poker game

The correct answer is: b) somewhere in the middle of the aircraft. This was suggested to me by a Southwest flight attendant. She claimed that since the fuselage of a 737 is wider in the middle, the seats and overhead storage bins are slightly wider in the middle too. I can't vouch for the seats, but my carry-on definitely fit length-wise in the compartment over row 7 while failing to do so over row 1. And the front row seat has no under-seat storage and limits leg room compared to the regular seats.

Southwest's seats are:

a) Narrow and short of leg room
b) Reasonably comparable to other airlines economy class
c) There are no seats, you just strap to the floor of the aircraft

The answer is: b) Reasonably comparable to other airlines economy class. Maybe even better. They're leather, they aren't as narrow as people make them out to be, and legroom is excellent. The seat height seems lower than other airlines I've been on, which makes the cabin feel more open.

So you're seated and the plane is in the air. You'd like a refreshing beverage. Soda is free, but premium drinks (i.e. booze) are:

a) Available for cash
b) Available by credit card
c) Available to "Business Select" customers with coupon for a free premium beverage

There are two correct answers: b) and c). The flight crew does not take cash. Freaky, man. And this always causes problems with at least one passenger...the one who really looks like they could use a drink.

Southwest's flight crew is:

a) Of the upper crust in social status and snottiness
b) Dressed in hot pants
c) Wackiness ensues

The correct answer is: c) Wackiness ensues. Southwest's flight attendants DID used to wear hot pants back in the day, but they don't anymore. Probably a good thing since my first flight had an all-male crew.

On the flight from Denver to Salt Lake...where we arrived an astounding 25 minutes early...our captain's pre-flight greeting was followed by his co-pilot and somebody else doing a Homer Simpson "Woo Hoo!" in the background. Upon landing, one of the flight attendants demanded a round of applause for the flight crew. When she got a mediocre response, she declared "That was lame!" Upon stopping at the gate, the captain keyed the mic and hit his Staples "That was Easy" button.

(The gate attendant, by the way, was flabbergasted that we were already there.)

Anyway, it was an experience.

Now I want to fly jetBlue, but I'd really have to go out of my way from here just to find a jetBlue flight.

Distracted Drive-Thru

2010-03-07T12:30:00.002-06:00

Place: McGrath's Fish House
Lunch: Seafood Pasta Jambalaya, beer-battered prawns, clam chowder, bread, Pepsi

RECENTLY AT DEL TACO: I pull up to the drive-thru to order. (Presumably) Smiling Counter Girl greets me and asks to take my order. In front of me is a screen that displays the items as she enters them so I can verify my order.

"One Del beef burrito..."

(nothing on screen)

"One Del Classic chicken burrito, no lettuce, no tomato..."

(nothing on screen)

"One Classic taco..."

(nothing on screen)

"One bean and cheese cup..."

(Bean and cheese cup appears on screen)

"One large Coke."

(Large Coke appears on screen).

"Okay, so I have a bean and cheese cup, a Coke, a...classic taco? And what else?"

We go over the order again. I pull forward. And I see why she's so off on my order...She's also taking counter orders. She wasn't paying attention to me at all.

We've heard a lot about distracted driving...teens writing text messages as they run red lights, getting broadsided by semis who swerve into power stations causing an explosion that sends power surges sparking more explosions and burning down whole cities. Sure, that sort of nonsense gets all the press. But what about the tragedy of distracted drive-thru order taking? Why aren't insurance companies spending billions lobbying Congress to get THIS practice banned?

Imagine if I'd forgotten what I wanted to order. She asks me to repeat the order, I can't remember it, and I have to spend time reviewing their extensive menu board. Cars back up in the drive-thru lane to the street. Other cars don't see this. *CRASH!* A vintage Ford Pinto explodes, setting little Pinto firebombs everywhere, setting off other fires. The restaurant explodes, sending pinto beans flying. And I'm still sitting in the drive-thru trying to remember what to order, and now I can't order it anyway.

Where are the lobbyists NOW?

Cattle

2010-03-04T14:00:00.004-06:00

Place: Iceberg Drive-Inn
Lunch: Iceburger (no tomato), onion rings (with fry sauce), birthday cake mini shake

The trouble with flying in an era where airlines treat humans like cattle is that you occasionally end up sitting with somebody practically on your lap who absolutely stinks.

Which was my experience this morning.

The guy spent most of the flight on his MacBook looking at pictures...until the thing crashed. I thought Macs never crashed. I keep hearing they're perfect in every way. Every Mac zombie says so.

The other problem with flying is rental cars. I'm really learning to hate Hertz. I reserve a mid-sized (or their interpretation of a mid-size, which is a Corolla) and end up with an "economy class" Mazda 3 because the class I "reserved" wasn't immediately available. Aren't the Mazda 3's and Corolla's the same class car in real life anyway?

Then there's all the syrupy upsale to the bigger vehicles (renting for only $60 a day more than I'm paying) and the ridiculously expensive "loss damage waiver". Shut up.

It's weird driving the Mazda. It makes me realize how much I love my car. For one thing, my car has an Intelli-Key that just sits in my pocket. Therefore, I keep forgetting to take the key out of the Mazda's ignition. Second, they give you this keychain with two keys, a remote fob, and a big plastic Hertz #1 tag. JEEPERS. As if I didn't have enough crap in my pocket. And the thing shimmies at highway speeds and the serpentine belt squeals when you go through a puddle.

Anyway, my birthday present to myself was a long weekend in Salt Lake.

I'll take the annoyances for the rewards.

Something's Fishy

2010-02-17T11:50:00.021-06:00

Place: Culver's Frozen Custard & ButterBurgers
Lunch: Northwoods Walleye sandwich, cheese curds, Culver's Root Beer

CONVERSATION AT THE OFFICE:

Misha: "I just wanted to send out an email about lunches today to make sure we are ok from noon to 1."

Me: "Okay, but I'm not having fish."

Misha: "Neither am I. Unless I get McDonalds...sometimes I crave those fish sandwiches."

Me: "Aw crap. It’s Ash Wednesday. I was going to do a blog about fish sandwiches. I WILL have fish!"

And so I did.

You know it's Lenten season when Culver's offers up their awesome Northwoods Walleye sandwich. This is why you go to Culvers. Actually, I don't think I've been to Culver's once since last year's Lenten season.

Lent is...I don't know...some religious thing. (Don't bother explaining it...I don't care. I read the Wikipedia entry on it and it gave me a headache.) Something to do with fasting up to Easter, which over the centuries has turned into a period where meat is given up on Fridays in favor of fast food fish sandwich specials. Oh the sacrifices we make in the name of faith.

So the upshot of Lent is all the chains who don't have a fish sandwich roll one out for a few weeks...and the ones that do put them on sale.

Most of them follow the same formula...A square breaded piece of mystery white fish (often cod or pollock) with lettuce and tartar sauce. Burger King, Whataburger, Wendy's, Arby's, and Hardee's/Carl's Jr all follow this pattern. Whataburger's is my favorite of those.

Let's see, what else...

McDonald's - The venerable Filet-o-Fish almost didn't happen. Ray Kroc's solution to Lent was a Hulaburger...a burger with a slice of pineapple instead of a burger patty. But the Filet-o-Fish outsold it in tests, so there you go. It's one of the skimpiest overpriced fish sandwiches out there. A regular bun, a square breaded fish patty, tartar sauce and a HALF slice of cheese. Ray Kroc himself made that call based on taste. And I just love the damn thing. They replaced it once during their doomed "Arch Deluxe" phase. It was New Coke all over again. Last year, McDonald's rolled out a DOUBLE Filet-o-Fish. Which was more expensive than the sale they had on two single Filet-o-Fishies. Huh.

Burger King - The BK Big Fish has been complimented by a BK Big Fish with a Cilantro Lime sauce. It's...okay. Kind of missing something.

Culver's - The mysterious and wonderful Northwoods Walleye sandwich is a seasonal event for fish lovers. A stronger taste all its own. If they put this on the menu all year, I might eat there more. Okay, probably not. Too chicken to try walleye? They also have cod. And shrimp. Eat those instead, and feel shame.

Arctic Circle - This is where you go for a halibut sandwich. All year, by the way. It's not just seasonal.

Burgerville - The little chain of my hometown also has halibut. And sole. And a smoked salmon salad. And three vegetarian burgers. Freaking hippies.

Wienerschnitzel - The Sea Dog. A hot dog processed out of fish? Shark meat? Captain Ahab's liver? Well, no. It's kind of an over-sized fish stick in a hot dog bun with lettuce and tartar sauce. It's actually perfectly decent.

Freddy's - Freddy's fish sandwich is topped in the same dressing they use on their California Style burger. Tartar sauce? We don't need no stinking tartar sauce! I haven't tried it yet, so I haven't decided if I agree or not.

Del Taco - SHRIMP TACOS! Score!

Taco Bell - Yeah, nothing really. Here...have some beans. My sacrifice to God was a steady diet of TRIPLE LAYER NACHOS.

(EDIT: Taco Bell HAS actually added something called Pacific Shrimp Tacos this year. First time in two decades Taco Bell has put a seafood item on their menu.)

White Castle - A fish slider? Sure. Why not.

Then you've got all the fast food fish places like Long John Silver's and Captain D's doing their usual thing with a little more promotion, I suppose. Oh...have you tried LJS's new breaded fish? I like it better than their battered fish.

Anyway, you have little excuse to be sick of fried fish by Easter. But soon after, we should start seeing fresh halibut and wild salmon. A little Penzy's Northwoods seasoning, a little oil coating...

Food Court Fried

2010-02-10T11:51:00.007-06:00

Place: Taco Bell
Lunch: Combo burrito, triple layer nachos, Pepsi

I'm sitting in a mall food court staring at the space that is going to become "Ocean Beach Fries". There's a guy standing at the counter looking like he's waiting for somebody who's not coming.

Ocean Beach Fries was a full-service bar and grill in a huge themed space that was previously called Kahunaville. The Kahunaville people put all the money into the restaurant space (which was originally a two-screen theater) . Then they went out of business and some guy went in with Ocean Beach Fries. I ate there once. The service was lousy. The food was nothing special...I'm pretty sure the fish was the same Trident breaded halibut you can buy at Costco.

Anyway, they took the letters off the Ocean Beach Fries entrance and tacked them up in the food court slot. The Ocean Beach Fries video arcade (also formerly the Kahunaville arcade) is still intact. Every mall needs one, I suppose.

I guess they'll have burgers and chili dogs too, which should thrill the neighboring Maid-Rite.

I had a nasty cold last week, which I'm still recovering from. Lots of coughing, feel week, etc. Which probably explains why I can't remember what it is I came to the mall for. I only come here for lunch if I have some shopping to do, and that was the case today.

But I can't remember what I came here for now.

Austin

2010-01-22T11:30:00.012-06:00

Place: Qdoba
Lunch: 3 tacos, Chicken Mexican Gumbo, Dr. Pepper

Three days in Texas and NOT ONE FREAKING TACO. OR bowl of Chili, now that I think about it.

I flew to Austin on Tuesday on business and returned last night. After three days of walking downtown in warm non-coat weather, returning to see my car completely encased in a thick layer of ice (we're talking a good quarter inch) was sort of ironic.

Austin was a bit of a surprise to me. I realize "Austin City Limits" is shot there, but didn't fully comprehend just how music rooted that town is. Downtown (which is all I saw) is a very lively scene even late into the night. It's probably harder to find a restaurant without a stage than one with. And most of the downtown restaurants are very nice non-chain establishments with absurd menus some might think are written in a second language. If they have anything in common, it's the liberal use of goat cheese. I don't think I saw a menu without it. It's like Panera Bread bought all of downtown and speckled it with future concepts.

And just TRY to find a street corner where somebody isn't mumbling "Any spare change?" at you. Nobody carries signs, and they leave you alone immediately after asking, which is nice, but I guess a liberal city in a warm climate just attracts panhandlers. Somebody even publishes a homeless newsletter, which homeless people buy for $.25 and sell to the general public for the $1 face value.

The city is very self-aware of its unique status. There's some sort of group called "Keep Austin Weird" that's dedicated to the city's uniqueness.

I reserve the right to further explore this city in the future.

The Price of Convenience

2010-01-16T12:30:00.001-06:00

Place: Taco Time
Lunch: 2 crispy beef tacos (no tomato), crispy chicken burrito, Coke

If your local Taco Time has a salsa bar with sour cream ranch dressing, put 1 part dressing in a cup and add 4 parts Taco Time hot sauce. Mix. BEST MEX DIPPING SAUCE EVER.

So I was going to pay my ever-increasing phone/DSL bill online today...which had mysteriously gone up $2.59 (it's amazing how often that 'price for life' guarantee increases in price)...when an additional click button never before there had appeared in the process, demanding me to agree to pay a $1 "convenience fee" for having the audacity to pay my bill online. Next to it is an option to avoid the fee by signing up for auto-pay.

I instead opted to find the address to mail the payment to. I did this specifically because check processing costs far more than online pay. I also intend to change my account settings so they have to mail me a bill every month going forward. In other words, I'm punishing them.

I don't even know why I have a phone. Only two people ever call me, and one of those is a bill collector looking for the person who used to have this number. Neither call me more than once a month or so, and I almost never make any outgoing calls.

This got me thinking about that and wondering if I could get DSL without phone service. I found in a FAQ on the phone company website that you can, and clicked the link. It took me to a page that laid out two options for DSL service...both WITH phone service. It was only when I noticed a small link on that page that I clicked on that I finally got the entire layout of options. I also found out that the "2-year contract" price I took when I set up service would have actually cost me LESS if I HADN'T taken the promotional price.

Mind boggling.

I also decided to check out a local competitor (yes, we actually have one...and it's not the cable company). Their website is equally vague and full of marketing crap designed to point you in the direction they want you to go and hide the more minimal options. But the thing that really capped this experience for me was under their features for DSL...

Free self-installation

They're so gosh-darn nice, they're not going to charge you for plugging the equipment in for yourself.

Incredible.

Blissful Mediocrity

2009-12-31T11:30:00.003-06:00

Place: Golden Corral
Lunch: Lunch buffet, Pepsi

I love buffets. I'm not one of those people who pile up plates of food that look ridiculous...I make a few trips getting small samples of stuff. It's like every trip is a treasure hunt. Particularly in recent years when the quality of food offered at buffets has increased substantially, largely thanks to improvements by Golden Corral, forcing the competition to step up.

My goal for 2009 was to fly under the radar. To go through the year with nobody dying. No major moves. Just a year of normalcy. A year where all that was new is now routine. Blissfully uncomplicated. Yes. That's the ticket.

Somehow, it happened.

Here's a reflection of random moments that defined 2009...

Speaking of buffets...I'm driving down I-15 in Las Vegas this summer when I see a banner hanging off a downtown casino advertising "Las Vegas's only seafood buffet". But I don't go there...I go to the buffet at the Wynn. While waiting for the hostess to seat me, I listen to the phone conversation she's having with somebody. "No, we don't have a seafood buffet. We have stations with (this food, that food, this food...) So she seats me, my server gets my drink, and I head to the non-seafood buffet that includes: Chilled crab legs, chilled shrimp, smoked salmon, smoked trout, grilled salmon, grilled halibut, some sort of seafood stew, a salmon salad, some sort of fried fish, and about a half dozen other items from the sea. But since that encompassed maybe a fourth of the offerings, I guess they don't technically have a 'seafood buffet'. The Wynn buffet may be expensive, but it's worth every penny.

Space for my Ladder - I bought it at Costco when I moved last year. It's one of those ladders that folds from a step ladder to large regular ladder with lots of options in between. It's big. It's heavy. And it's almost never needed anywhere but the third floor, and there was nowhere to store it on the third floor. Until the day I thought to see if it would fit under the bed. You know what? It does. Chester did not approve of this idea as it disturbed one of his hangouts.

Star Trek - The big movie redux hit a home run. Multiple viewings at the multiplex.

Kentucky Grilled Chicken - I tried it. It was okay, I guess. Haven't had it since. Health factor is a moot point since I ate it at a KFC-Taco Bell alongside some nachos and a couple of tacos.

Odd Habits- Ever hear of people dipping their fries in their milk shake? A co-worker said her daughter dips her fries in her Wendy's frosty. I'd never heard of such a thing. Naturally, and almost immediately, Wendy's put a commercial on the air validating this bizarre behavior.

Twitter - I'm hopelessly addicted. It's almost like having actual friends. I love my Tweeps.

Cancel My Service - My DirecTV receiver lost signal. Checked DirecTV tech forums (on their own website) and discovered it's not only a known issue, but they issued a recall on my model receiver a YEAR ago. Thanks for telling ME! So I call to get a replacement. Long story short...I argue with various reps over nearly a week's time until I say those magic words..."cancel my service"...and finally they send me a scratched up used replacement that they can't activate on my account because it's active on somebody ELSE'S account. The rep's response to this? "It's an honest mistake, SIR." "Cancel my account, MISS." Retention fixes the problem immediately. Moral of this story..."Cancel My Service" are the only words that will ever get anything accomplished at DirecTV. Even if you're calling to change your billing address, say "Cancel my service" at the opening prompt or you will be put through hell. Oh...And the new receiver sucks.

You Light Up My Life - So I'm in Dillon's Marketplace in the furniture area when Debby Boone's one and only hit plays over the store's sound system. I haven't heard this song in decades. And the strangest thing happened...It completely grabbed me. I had to have it. I have no idea why. So I found it on an old out-of-print Billboard "Top Movie Hits" compilation. It ended up having an awesome collection of 70's movie themes on it, including that sort of disco-ish Close Encounters theme.

About a Dozen - Number of times co-worker Donette called me and said "Sorry, I didn't mean to call you" when I answered.

Sugar Sugar - Pepsi rolled out "throwback" versions of their flagship soda and Mountain Dew. It was a limited time thing, but I bought a whole bunch of Pepsi. Even though I already have regular access to real sugar Pepsi in glass bottles at my local Mexican grocer. They did a lousy job of promoting it, though, and grocers typically put it anywhere in the store but the soda section, as if they were hiding it. Jerks. They brought it out again at Christmas in retro packaging that is much easier to distinguish and far more awesome looking. You should be able to find it for the next eight weeks or so. And if that isn't enough, I just heard that there's a limited-time real sugar Dr. Pepper under the guise of "Heritage Dr. Pepper" in stores now. From what I hear, it's probably made from cheaper sugar than the cane sugar that Dublin Dr. Pepper uses and doesn't quite taste the same, but is much better than the HFCS version. I've also heard that original Pibb fans think it tastes close to their long lost favorite. If Coke brought back a limited-edition retro real sugar Mr. Pibb, it might just cause a stampede. Specialty distributors are even making real sugar versions of Moxie, Nehi, and Faygo flavors, as well as Dad's root beer and cream soda, and even Bubble-Up, all in glass bottles. Real sugar sodas may be a specialty market, but it really seems to have come to the forefront this year.

Musical Artist Discovery of the Year - Greg Laswell. Who ISN'T new this year...just new to ME.

McDonald's Angus burger line - I'd rather not remember this, actually.

Bad Use of a Classic Rock Pun - I saw a billboard in Minnesota for a minivan that described it as an "Oreo Speedwagon".

Bad Marketing Evolution - Remember when drink cup game pieces showed you if you were a winner instead of making you register a number at a website?

Bad Choice in Bumper Stickers - "Bad boys drive bad toys"...on a beat up old Geo Metro.

Bad Lodging - LaQuinta: Spanish for "We still make carbons of your credit cards".

Bad Local Television - STILL no local HD newscasts.

New M&M's Flavor of the Year - "Strawberried Peanut Butter". They were good, actually.

Other New M&M's Flavor of the Year - Coconut. Really? Yes.

I'll have a 1/3 pound Mushroom-Swiss, side of Haystacks, and a Dr Pepper please - Our HuHot franchisee brought in a smashburger franchise that instantly caught on. I hadn't been terribly impressed with smashburger previously, but the local one is REALLY well run and for some reason makes burgers that are tastier than the other stores.

Another reason the government shouldn't have bailed out GM - Chevrolet is bringing back the Caprice brand on a new sedan exclusively for police fleets. And they'll have an "undercover" version. Of a car EXCLUSIVELY SOLD TO POLICE.

But do they have fry sauce? - The Salt Lake City market...an area with more burger chains than anywhere I know of...gets In-N-Out Burger, the chain with the best reputation. Not the best burgers, mind you, but don't tell Californians that. The only thing more amazing than the traffic the first two stores were doing when I was in town (two weeks after they opened) was the fact that none of the other burger joints around town seemed to be affected.

Frameless wiper blades - Have you seen these? They're awesome! At least the Bosch ICONs are...

WinCo Foods Enters the Salt Lake City market - This eliminates road trips to Pocatello for Tillamook and Santiam products. I mean, I like Pocatello just fine, but...

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - I gave it three stars and watched it six times during its theatrical run. And even though I watched it six times, every time I watched it, I thought "I was right at three stars".

Keep Clam - The home version of Ivar's clam chowder was reformulated so that the non-dairy creamer is built in. Previously, you added milk or your own non-dairy creamer. The result was nothing like the restaurant chowder. The new result is VERY much like the restaurant chowder, one of my favorite tastes in the world.

Relocate Clam - Utah's last Skipper's...the one in Murray...closed. But the Orem store re-opened after a two-year hiatus. The Orem store is in better shape anyway.

"What other orchestra would have this in their catalog?" asked the Kentucky Symphony Orchestra conductor as he and Over the Rhine tore into the Eurythmics "Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)". This July evening at Devou Park in Covington, Kentucky was the highlight of the summer. An amazing performance with some great surprises.

There you have it. How can 2010 possibly top this?

I have a few ideas, but I'm not telling...

Driving Driving Driving

2009-12-26T15:00:00.001-06:00

Place: Pal's Sudden Service
Lunch: Pretty much everything on the menu and about four large Cokes

Hope you all had a lovely Christmas. I spent it on the road. I did the "stay home" thing last year, and it sucked. It really really sucked. The road wasn't much better, but at least I was busy. At the same time, I can't imagine being around people. It probably would have driven me nuts.

My original plans had been to be in Oklahoma for the next couple of days so I could swing down to Texas and re-stock my Wolf Chili and Dublin Dr Pepper supplies. Then later next week, I was going to swing down to Tennessee to finally cover Pal's for my fast food pages. I've been planning to come down here for years...down to having hotel reservations...but something always comes up to delay this.

So on Christmas Eve, I got home from work, made lunch, and fell asleep for a couple of hours on the way to being snowed in all weekend. Then I got up, re-checked the weather forecasts, and suddenly realized I could flip the trips around and escape the storm. So I flipped around the reservations and took off. The cats looked horribly disappointed. Don't worry, kitties. Misha's coming over to visit.

So today, I wandered the back roads and US highways of northeastern Tennessee and finally experienced the goofiness that is Pal's, which I will add to the fast food pages next week, along with Bojangles, who may very well make the best biscuits in the history of the world. It was a beautiful drive in perfect driving weather.

As for Pal's, I visited five different locations through the day and sampled pretty much everything on the post-breakfast menu. I don't think I actually ate a whole sandwich. But I did drink four Cokes. My stomach is a swimming pool right now.

Before running around eastern Tennessee all day, I also re-thunk my trip plans and decided I'd be much better off just running to Texas from here and making a big loop trip instead of going home and hitting the road again. So by the time I get home, I will have traveled about 2,900 miles. But I'll have a few days to unwind before going back to work. And maybe I'll decide to stay home for awhile.

The cats would appreciate that.

Quick Jaunt

2009-12-21T11:30:00.002-06:00

Place: McDonald's
Lunch: Big Mac, fries, Hi-C Orange

Sometimes you just gotta have a Big Mac. Even if it costs a buck forty more than it should.

Here's my weekend in a nutshell:

Friday 5pm - Leave work and drive to Peoria in snow and crap. Pick up dinner at Steak n Shake drive-thru along the way.

Saturday 8am - Leave Peoria, Dunkin' Donuts white hot chocolate in hand.

Saturday 11am - Lunch at Schroeder's in Danville.

Saturday 4pm - Arrive Cincinnati.

Saturday 5:30pm - Arrive at Arnold's Bar & Grill (the oldest bar in Cincinnati, apparently) for dinner with 40 fellow members of the message board of the band we are seeing tonight.

Saturday 7:20pm - Arnold's FINALLY serves dinner. I have lasagna. It's cold. Not lukewarm...not room temperature...COLD.

Saturday 8pm - Arrive at Taft for Over the Rhine homecoming show. Buy beautiful poster done exclusively for this show.

Saturday 11pm - Depart Taft. GPS gets confused and sends me on a wild goose chase trying to get back across the river. A trip that should take five minutes takes twenty. I can drive to downtown blindfolded, no problem, but can never get back out without some ridiculous winding route through timbuck two.

Saturday 11:20pm - SERIOUSLY need soda. Great big freaking huge AM/PM Mini Mart Pepsi acquired.

Sunday 9:45am - Gas tank filled. Great big freaking huge AM/PM Mini Mart Pepsi (yes, a completely different one) acquired. Depart Cincinnati (well, Covington technically, but...)

Sunday 10:45am - Stop at Kroger in Batesville, IN for groceries I can't get at home. Also picked up a bag of Cheetos "Giant White Cheddar Jingle Balls" for no other reason than the amusing suggestive branding.

Sunday 11:15am - Lunch at Skyline Chili in Batesville, IN. Also picked up two LaRosa's pizzas next door to take home and have cold through the week. The car smelled WONDERFUL the whole way home.

Sunday 3:30pm - Have argument with Frowning Counter Guy at Hardee's/Red Burrito in Morton, IL over whether or not "no tomato" means "no salsa" on my tacos.

Sunday 4pm - Weather goes completely to crap between Morton and Galesburg.

Sunday 8:30pm - Arrive home. Cats throw party and have a big fight.

Now I have to find a 19 x 25 frame for the poster. I wonder if World Market would have one.

They couldn't have just made the thing 18 x 24, could they. They had to go with some random odd size.

Downtown Cincinnati is absolutely beautiful at night during the Christmas season. And it's bustling with activity.

Seriously...It's December 21 already?

Images and Words

2009-12-03T11:25:00.002-06:00

Place: Arctic Circle
Lunch: Double cheeseburger, fries well done (with fry sauce), Pepsi

For those interested, you can view my photos of the Utah Christmas light displays I went to this week via my Facebook albums here, here, here, and here. These are a tradition for me that I absolutely treasure. They're one of the primary reasons this is my favorite week of the year.

I love Utah. I love the people, I love the scenery, I love the burgers. I love Chuck-A-Rama's potato salad. I love...oh forget it. I have today and tomorrow left to embrace you like a warm hug, and I fully intend to do so with gusto.

Regarding Facebook...If you're somebody who has sent a friend request but I don't know you (I'm amazed that random strangers actually read this silliness), I probably ignored you unless you sent a note along explaining who you were and why you were friending me. So if you're still waiting...that's why.

I don't use Facebook much anyway. I'm a total Twitter addict though.

If you are a Facebook friend, my brother has been posting old family photos up over the past couple of days. You should be able to see them from my Facebook home page. Amuse yourself with images of the skinny blond kid I once was. Wonder aloud just 'what the heck happened'.

Well...I'm off to see a movie. Got a couple more to catch before leaving.

I'll miss Utah. But I miss my cats more right now.

Personal Effects

2009-11-23T11:30:00.003-06:00

Place: tesg's Townhouse of Solitude
Lunch: Marie Callendar's Pasta Al Dente Chicken Carbonara, garlic cheese toast, Dublin Dr Pepper (in a can)

Over the weekend, I went looking for something I was sure I had a spare of. This led to searching the usual areas and coming up with nothing.

This led to the computer room closet.

It's far more daunting than it sounds.

The computer room closet (aka the 2nd bedroom closet) is a vast wasteland of boxes and items that got moved from the old house, never to be seen again. Boxes of I'll get to sorting this and seeing why I bothered moving it at all later type stuff.

Three of these turned out to be boxes of personal effects Wife #1's company gave me after she passed away. I'd never opened them...life was far too hectic between her passing and getting on with life, let alone a major move.

Three boxes. I guess you can accumulate a lot of stuff over a two-decade career at the same place.

So I finally went through them. It was sort of a revealing experience.

Some of the things I found...

-A mystery glass sealable food container that didn't match any of our sets.
-A box of Hamburger Helper single microwaveable packs of chicken Alfredo (unopened).
-A hand can opener that looked like it had never been used.
-A couple dozen photos of our cats (the current cats and the three previous).
-A framed picture of us at Cannon Beach.
-Several mini cat figurines.
-A Star Kist tuna fish, crackers, and mayonnaise lunch kit (unopened).
-A mini desk clock she'd asked me for for Christmas around ten years ago, looking as if it never left the box (it was indeed still in the box).
-A stuffed bear.
-Vitamins.
-A portable electric fan.
-Several company-branded items, trophies, and tokens.
-A random T-shirt I'd never seen before

But the one that really haunted me was the 2007 365-day cat calendar. One of those calendars where you pull off a page every day.

The day displayed, of course, was the last day she was in the office.

Wow. Just...wow.

Time just stood still at that point, I guess.

Well, the closet has a few less boxes in it now, and my trash can is full.

I never did find that gadget I was looking for.

Friday the 13th

2009-11-13T11:30:00.001-06:00

Place: Qdoba
Lunch: Chicken Mexican Gumbo, Dr Pepper

"Paraskevidekatriaphobia: The fear of Friday the 13th. I personally think that there are better phobias out there, but that's just me." - @stephaniemabey, Twitter

Probably true, and I hardly ever even think about it when it happens to be Friday the 13th. But MAN has this felt like a Friday the 13th.

I came to work to a nearly empty Inbox and a new toy...a headset-microphone to use with our phone system. We have a PC interface. Neato.

So I get through my work, trying to finish everything before a phone deposition at 10:30. This isn't easy as people keep contacting me with more stuff to do that's totally an emergency. Worlds may fall if I don't drop everything RIGHT NOW. Lots of that today.

Anyway, the attorneys for the deposition call me early because they're running ahead (which NEVER happens). So we start early, and I'm on my new headset. In the middle of questioning, they ask me something, I answer, and there's silence.

Then somebody says "Are you still there?"

"Yes."

They ask the question again.

The microphone apparently didn't work when I answered.

Then it did this again later in the morning during another call.

Then I went online and searched for this headset (something I didn't do ahead of time...it was kind of an impulse purchase).

This is apparently a very common problem, and I should expect it to totally fail within the next week.

Nice.

And I'm pretty sure I threw out the packaging. And it's garbage day.

Oh well.

So between general mayhem and non-functioning equipment, I'm thinking I should just go home and hide for the rest of the day.

Happy Halloween

2009-10-31T12:15:00.005-05:00

Place: Taco Bueno
Lunch: Taco Deluxe (no tomato), Cheeseburger Taco, Chicken Tortilla Soup, Coke

The Cheeseburger Taco is a flour tortilla half-wrapped around a flame-grilled taco-shaped hamburger patty with cheese and special sauce. And tomato, but I always skip those. You can add lettuce and onion upon request. It's...kind of odd. Not bad. Certainly unique.

What's better is Bueno's new Deluxe Taco. It's the normal taco with a new sour cream salsa sauce. The sauce makes all the difference. Brilliant.

It should be a beautiful evening for trick-or-treaters in Wichita (aka "home away from home"...where I am today). Iowans, being the weird know-it-all's they are, hold "beggars night" on the 30th. NO idea why. I had zero trick-or-treaters. Possibly due to the weather. It was nasty out last night, and there didn't appear to be any groups out at all. But the KWCH Eyewitness News (in HD) weather guy is proclaiming a perfect evening for Wichita.

Why does Wichita have a news channel with an actual HD newscast while Des Moines stations can't be bothered? I know, I know...But spending that kind of money might affect the general sales manager's bonus!

Whatever.

WHO-TV occasionally jury rigs in a report shot in HD and even the occasional news promo, and they do have some HD graphic overlay capability they use for sports and weather alerts, but otherwise they and KCCI shoot in anamorphic SD to fill the screen. Or, as I like to call it, "Fake-D".

KWCH is so awesome that they end their weekend newscasts with a dog occupying the fourth news desk chair.

Millie the weather dog.

Really.

Full Circle

2009-10-29T11:30:00.001-05:00

Place: Hardee's
Lunch: French Dip Thickburger, onion rings, orange Hi-C

Less than ten years ago, Sonic Drive-In debuted their first area location on this very lot. They had to staff people on the frontage to handle the traffic flow. Across the intersection to the northwest sat an abandoned Hardee's, one of ten (out of twelve) locations to have closed in the metro around that time.

Now Hardee's has demolished that very Sonic and built their first new store in the metro in nearly two decades. The lot that used to have the old Hardee's building, itself long since demolished, is now parking for Family Dollar. The new Hardee's is doing a solid amount of business.

We've come full-circle.

Sonic is still in the market, but with only half the stores they originally opened with, and a completely different franchisee.

I can't believe how fast Autumn is flying by. High school football is in the playoffs. Colorado and Utah have snow aplenty already. None here yet, but the holiday Utah trip is just around the corner.

And we'll have it by then too, I'm sure.

Blake in the Box

2009-10-10T15:15:00.002-05:00

Place: Jack in the Box
Lunch: Bonus Jack, two tacos, and a wild cherry Slurpee I got at 7-Eleven earlier

Made a Texas chili and general supply run today. It was a completely spur-of-the-moment idea. I was halfway there anyway. It hadn't even been considered before 7:30 this morning.

On the way back out of the state, I hit the drive-thru at the Jack in the Box in Sanger. The drive-thru guy gave an extended greeting that I think included the company brand, the city name, his name, and "how may I help you" type stuff. Or something.

I placed my order and waited in line to move around.

A tall lanky kid greeted me at the window. He took my money. I noticed he had a Jack in the Box antenna ball tattoo on his right arm. I assumed it was temporary. Turns out it wasn't.

He pointed out the tattoo. He pointed out all of his company pins on his tie. And along with my food, he handed me a sheet of paper with search terms that lead to stories about him. It also had his work schedule. Then he autographed my receipt. He said something about making people smile.

Seriously.

Meet Blake Cartwright, easily the most enthusiastic Jack in the Box employee I have ever encountered. He's worked for Jack in the Box for eight years here and at the Corinth location (he doesn't work at Corinth anymore because, when he started getting press, the Texas labor board jumped all over him for working too long a work week...or something...) He works two 16-hour shifts per week now...Mon & Sat 2pm-6am. How awesome would that be. Work a long day, sleep a day, work a long day, be off for four days...(No, I don't think this is his only job, but don't tell the labor punks that.)

He never misses work. He has regulars who will call or text in orders if they're in a hurry, and he'll have them ready when they arrive. They can go straight to the window.

He is an unheard-of example of low-wage dedication.

If you're wondering, the "Bonus Jack" is a limited-time only sandwich that apparently used to be on the menu long ago. It's the Jack in the Box take on the Big Boy...a lovely double-decker with a thousand-island like dressing, lettuce, onions, and pickles (yes, actual pickles...not diced pickle mixed in the sauce.)

As double-deckers go, it's a pretty good one.

You Wanted the Best...You Got...Something Else

2009-10-06T11:30:00.007-05:00

Place: smashburger
Lunch: 1/3 lb All-American with egg (no cheese), haystack onions, Dr Pepper

Skinny blonde girl in front of me orders her burger. Counter girl asks "1/3 pound or 1/2 pound?"

"Whichever's smaller," she says.

Boss #25 and I were in here last week. One of the managers walked by and said "Hey! Our regulars!" I guess she was surprised to see her 'regulars' knew each other.

JEEPERS it's windy today.

Kiss released a new album today, which I snagged on the way to work because I've been a Kiss fan since the 6th grade and it's just one of those things one has to do. Kiss is only one of two bands from my teen years I still keep up with, Rush being the other.

Circumstances beyond my control kept me from seeing Kiss live until the Hot in the Shade tour, even though I'd been a fan since Love Gun came out. But I've seen them live twelve times since, so I guess I've caught up.

Kiss's last effort was an album they pretended was made by the original lineup and was largely forgettable. The hype on Kiss's website for the new album ("Sonic Boom", if you were wondering...yes, I also think it's a dumb title) includes reviews from around the industry that have gone as far as to claim this is their best effort since "Rock and Roll Over", a ridiculous statement considering "Rock and Roll Over" isn't exactly one of their best efforts. They've put out several albums better than "Rock and Roll Over" since it came out. I'm assuming the "Rock and Roll Over" comparison keeps happening because the same guy who did the cover art for that album did the cover art for this album.

I'd peg this one as their best album since "Revenge", but keep in mind they've only released two studio albums in between, and one of those was a throwaway project aborted when the original band reunion came together. And just because I say it's their best since "Revenge" doesn't mean it even remotely compares to "Revenge", which was their best album since "Love Gun".

One reviewer said the new album had a "70's feel with 80's sensibility". Pretty accurate statement. Basically, it feels like "Crazy Nights" but with heavier guitars and a more raw feel. And no synthesizers. And no ballads. I suspect they were trying to capture their 'live' feel.

There are riffs that sound strangely familiar (bringing to mind Phil Collins, Head East, even the Rock n Roll Over album, among others). As for the songs...Compare "Never Enough" to Patty Smyth's. She may have a lawsuit here. (Smyth's, for the record, is better.) There are three solid tracks ("Modern Day Delilah", "Danger Us", and "Say Yeah") and one decent effort that Tommy Thayer sings, but that one doesn't actually sound like a Kiss song. The rest is the filler some claim doesn't exist.

The CD is being sold exclusively at Walmart for $12 in a package that includes a bonus "greatest hits" CD of several classics re-recorded by the current band (why do bands re-record their classics? That drives me nuts), and a concert DVD from their South American tour. This has become a popular way for old bands to release new material. Journey recently did exactly such a package at Walmart. I would say the overall package as $12 is a good value. Not so much for the M&M's, though.

"M&M's?" you ask...

Walmart is devoting their entire "Music Spotlight" section to band merchandise, including Halloween masks, catalog DVD's, and Kiss M&M's...Collector packages of plain M&M's in Kiss colors with Kiss faces stamped on them. A 7oz package will set you back $6.00. SIX BUCKS for less than half a pound of M&M's.

Anyway, this should tide me over until the latest Tragically Hip CD shows up in the mail, which some are calling "their best since Trouble at the Henhouse", and others...mostly Hip fans who hated Henhouse...are calling "horrible".

I loved Henhouse and don't like their other stuff. So this should be awesome.

I should be dead tired right now. I was wide awake for no reason until at least 2am.

But I'm not.

Sportingly!

2009-10-03T14:30:00.004-05:00

Place: Chick Fil-A
Lunch: Chicken sandwich, chicken noodle soup, lemonade

So the Iowa Hawkeyes, who defeated number 5 Penn State last week in a stunning example of watching a team collapse, are looking to continue their perfect season at home against the impassable football titans known as the 1 and 2 Arkansas State of the Sun Belt league.

The game starts well for Iowa, with two touchdowns on their first two drives. Then they start thinking about caramel apple milkshakes and give up. Not enough to get behind, but it was a three-point final. Enough to shut up the fan base I'm sure, who are dreaming of a Rose Bowl bid. HA HA HA HA HA HA! Right. See you at the Outback Bowl. Again.

The play that will probably get the most press came in the fourth quarter. Iowa quarterback Ricky Stanzi threw a picture-perfect pass to Demario Davis, who ran 75 yards for the touchdown. Trouble is...Davis plays for Arkansas State. Oops.

As Davis enters the end zone, this poor kid who will probably never be on this big a stage again does a mid-air somersault for the score in celebration. Flags fly everywhere. "UNSPORTSMANLIKE CONDUCT! EXCESSIVE CELEBRATION! EVIL! EVIL! EVIL!"

He goes back to the bench. His coach is SCREAMING at him. The announcers are basically calling him an idiot. A group of Wiccans surround him and chant out a myriad of curses while pelting him with burning insence. His mother grounds him for the rest of the weekend.

How DARE he be excited!

Doesn't he realize football isn't something to be celebrated? That fun is simply not allowed? This is a for-profit business for crying out loud! How DARE he have fun! How dare ANYBODY have fun!

The whole 'excessive celebration' thing just drives me nuts. I'm waiting for the day they no longer allow fans to cheer or boo.

I'm just waiting for the day some college or professional athelete shows up at the press conference after the game and explains what the team has to do to be successful by saying something like "We need to continue to improve and win games so that our fan base will have incentive to spend ridiculous amounts of money on our tickets, re-mortage their homes to pay for a parking space, buy our $10 corn dogs, $50 T-shirts, $100 jerseys, and support our television sponsors. We must maximize our profit potential and overall return to our investors."

Said athelete would probably then be fined for saying that.

What!

2009-09-23T11:30:00.003-05:00

Place: Long John Silver's
Lunch: 3 chicken, 1 fish...no, wait...3 fish, 1 chicken, Dr Pepper

I order my chicken and fish ala carte so I don't have to have a plate full of crappy cole slaw, hush puppies, and fries. And I usually order 2 chicken and 1 fish or 3 chicken and 1 fish, depending on how hungry I am or my mood. Do you ever eat just because you're in a bad mood and not because you're hungry? Yeah. Me too.

Anyway, the food comes, I go to my table, and realize I have three pieces of fish and one piece of chicken, which I would NEVER order. Long John Silvers has some of the worst fish in the restaurant industry. And if it isn't just out of the oil, it's untolerable. I go to the counter, think to check my receipt to see what I paid for, when the counter girl coldly says "What."

"Well, I thought I ordered three chicken and one fish, but the receipt shows I paid for three fish and one chicken, so never mind, I guess."

She walks back to the kitchen without another word.

This is a textbook example of customer service in Iowa.

At least the fish was hot out of the fryer.

And why does my Dr Pepper taste like bubble gum?

The new TV season is here! And I still have absolutely no reason to watch NBC or ABC! Yay!

Actually, I probably would have watched "Pushing Daisies" had I known about it when it was on. I sort of stumbled upon a rerun, one of the last to air. Oh well.

And I did watch one episode of Leno. Yawn. I have been watching Conan fairly regularly. But the late night talk show I really like is Craig Ferguson. That guy is brilliant.

CBS is rolling out their new fall programming this week. CSI: Miami was just short of a throwaway retro show. NCIS was awesome. NCIS: Los Angeles was absoutely horrible.

The new NCIS spinoff was teased to us towards the end of the previous NCIS season. The team was headed by Clara Macy (Louise Lombard, who used to play Sofia on CSI) and had this dark office in an unmarked, apparently abandoned building. Looked pretty good. She was replaced by 175 year-old Linda Hunt. WHAT?!?

The new show has an absurd office that is decorated like a Mexican restaurant. LL Cool J and Chris O'Donnell are in this. It isn't helping. I shut it off ten minutes in. So Tuesdays this fall will be the original NCIS, then whatever hockey game I feel like watching.

Thursday is a full-night lineup for me. Fox rolled out Bones last week, which I got into over the summer. Cyndi Lauper was awesome in the season premiere. She should act more. Original CSI and The Mentalist roll out tomorrow night. Apparently Jorja Fox is coming back to CSI, at least for a little while. They're dropping the Riley Adams character.

They should do a CSI in a Canadian city, like Vancouver or Toronto. They could sell it to a Canadian network and syndicate it in the US.

Smallville is on Friday now, I guess. Smallville has become a show that does two or three really good episodes a year, then falls flat on its face the rest of the time. Yet I keep watching the damn thing. Also on Friday is Dollhouse. Somebody had written a review on the Blu-ray release of Dollhouse's first season and noted that it was a Joss Weadon series. That's all I needed to know to catch up on it. Freaking awesome. New shows start Friday. I still wish he'd find backing to get another Firefly movie made, though.

Tonight we have the season premieres of Criminal Minds and CSI: NY. CSI:NY is my favorite of the CSI shows. There's nothing on at 7. I should go out for a really nice dinner or something beforehand.

I can't believe I ate all this fish. I think I'll stop by QuikTrip on the way back to work and pick up a proper Dr Pepper.

And some Boston Baked Beans.

Vs VS

2009-09-16T11:30:00.010-05:00

Place: smashburger
Lunch: Mushroom Swiss, haystack onion rings, Dr Pepper

Our local smashburger (it's an all lower-case logo) opened today. I don't know what these guys are doing differently than the Wichita store is, but the end result is WAY better here.

Last night's DirecTV program guide, a vast display of reruns and nothingness, indicated preseason NHL hockey was live on the NHL Network. So I checked it out.

There on Channel 215 was the wrong game. It was repeat of a VS (you know, Versus, the sports network) broadcast from last year's playoffs. So for some reason, I wondered if the advertised game might be on the actual VS channel.

Say...Where IS VS?

In place of where DirecTV puts VS is a message from DirecTV that says "Comcast, which owns Versus, has forced us to take down the channel because we will not submit to their unfair and outrageous demands". They give a link to DirecTV's website, where you will find a message that reads:

Unfortunately, Versus is no longer available on DIRECTV. Comcast, the largest cable company in the U.S. and our largest competitor, owns the channel and has forced us to pull it down. Here is the situation.

DIRECTV was already paying Comcast more than any other TV service provider to air Versus — and now Comcast is demanding an overall rate hike of 20% on top of that. Comcast also forces DIRECTV to make Versus available to a much larger portion of our customer base at our own expense than they require from other TV providers — most notably, DISH Network. We simply cannot accept these unfair and outrageous terms. All we're asking from Comcast is equal treatment.

Comcast and Versus are currently engaged in a noisy publicity campaign to distract attention from the fact that they are trying to take advantage of DIRECTV and our customers. The bottom line is this, if we were to accept their unreasonable demands, we would have no choice but to pass on the increase in cost to our valued customers. We do not want this to happen, especially in these difficult economic times. That's why we're standing firm in our negotiations with Comcast.

Regardless, we will continue to work in good faith with Comcast to try to reach a fair and just settlement. Our commitment to deliver the best TV service for the best price is and has always been our first priority. We truly appreciate your patience and understanding during this time.

DIRECTV still leads the industry in sports programming, whether or not we have Versus in our channel lineup. For college football, NHL hockey and other sports, here's just a brief list of what's available on DIRECTV:

College football: Available on Big Ten Network, CBS College Sports, ESPN, ESPNU, ESPN GamePlan, The Mtn., local channels and your RSN.
NHL: Available on NHL Network, NHL Center Ice, and your RSN.
Mixed Martial Arts: Available on HDNet, Spike TV, and UFC on DIRECTV Pay Per View.
Auto Racing: Available on IRL on ABC, Formula 1 on Fox and Speed.
Bull riding: Available on ESPN2 and the Houston Rodeo on DIRECTV Pay Per View
Hunting and fishing: Available on ESPN2, The Sportsman Channel, The Outdoor Channel, and Pursuit TV.

Versus, of course, has a rebuttal on their website:

If you are a DirecTV customer, you are most likely aware that VERSUS’ contract with the satellite provider expired on August 31. Throughout our discussions, VERSUS made fair and reasonable offers to DirecTV – simply asking them to carry the network at a comparable level of distribution as they had for several years, at the same market price that other operators are currently paying. Yet, despite our good-faith negotiations, DirecTV chose to remove VERSUS from its programming lineup and deny millions of passionate sports fans access to our comprehensive coverage of the sports they love.

DirecTV has also been trying to cloud the real issue in its comments to the press about this situation. What DirecTV has conveniently neglected to mention is that they demanded a deal that would place VERSUS on a tier, removing the channel from more than six million subscribers who were getting it at no additional cost. DirecTV would then force those subscribers to pay an additional fee to get access to VERSUS. We hope to resolve this soon, but DirecTV’s current offer of taking VERSUS away from sports fans only to charge them more is simply unacceptable and we refuse to submit to such an unreasonable demand.

DirecTV has openly insulted our passionate sports fans and viewers by calling VERSUS “an infomercial network.” It is absolutely shocking that the self-proclaimed “leader in sports” would call the Stanley Cup Playoffs, Lance Armstrong’s remarkable comeback in this year’s Tour de France, top-ranked college football, IndyCar Series racing, World Extreme Cagefighting and PBR events “paid programming.” Furthermore, they have belittled hunters and anglers, our vast and loyal field sports fans, by dismissing your programming entirely.

We started hearing from a large number of sports fans the second VERSUS was taken off the air, demanding that DirecTV return the network to its lineup. This overwhelming support that VERSUS continues to receive from our passionate fans is why VERSUS is one of the fastest growing sports cable networks in the country.

Thankfully, you do have options and can sign up for another video provider, one that cares about sports fans. We want to make sure you don’t miss out on any of our upcoming programming, including college football featuring nationally ranked teams such as Texas, BYU, TCU and Kansas just to name a few plus the start of the NHL season, the conclusion of the IndyCar Series season, several live WEC and PBR events and much, much more.

We thank you for your tremendous support over the past few days and want nothing more than to resolve this issue quickly and amicably.

Sincerely,

Jamie Davis
President of VERSUS

The best part of Davis's message was that on the sidebar of the very page his letter was on was a DirecTV banner ad. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

The Los Angeles Times reported "people familiar with the situation" were claiming the increase would be $.21 to $.26 per month. So it would appear DTV is paying a buck, buck ten per subscriber currently. The same article claims that ESPN is currently getting "almost $4 per subscriber".

I hope that $4 is for ALL the ESPN channels combined.

It's no wonder my TV bill...with no premium channels...is $72 a month, easily double what it was when DirecTV launched. That doesn't even include NHL Center Ice. Even at that rate, one has to wonder how cable and satellite companies, bringing 100-200 channels into your home, are able to make any money at all.

Ah, the good old days when the cable industry was a shameless monopoly with a 35-channel capacity who could dictate and crush any aspect of the industry on a whim. I worked in cable back then. Pure evil. Fun times. I used to say that TCI was the greatest company in the world to work for...and the worst company in the world to not work for.

Cable and satellite are less central to many of our lives anymore anyway. We have the Internet to entertain us. We can download programs to our portable media devices. We're getting out more. We're spending all day texting. Are you really watching all those channels? Or are they merely background fodder?

My bedroom television is strictly pulling TV over the air. With an indoor loop/rabbit ears unit, I get 16 free digital and HD over-the-air channels with perfect images. There's the major networks, plus sub-channels they run that carry continuous weather programming, old movies, old TV reruns, religious channels, a Spanish channel...I even pick up an old low power snowy analog home shopping channel, making my lineup 17 channels. I can remember when cable didn't have much more than that. And digital over-the-air TV has program titles and program guides now, just like the pay providers.

Between OTA, the DVD player, and video games, pay TV is completely expendable if I'm willing to sacrifice hockey. If I find the need to cut back, that might be the thing that goes.

If VS ceased to exist tomorrow, I'd hardly notice. They do two hockey games a week. Big deal. I have access to far more. And it's a well-known fact that ESPN wants hockey back, so even if VS and DirecTV never come to an accord, I don't think it'll matter in a year or two. As far as their other programming goes, I don't care about the Tour de France, Indy racing, cage fighting, or rodeos. In fact, well over 3/4 of DirecTV's channel lineup could bite the dust tomorrow and most of us wouldn't even blink.

I think the pay TV industry as a whole...from the networks to the providers...needs to take a step back and reconsider how much they're demanding from consumers. It's easier than ever to say "enough is enough". And don't let that pesky neighborhood association bully you into not putting up an aerial if you really need it. The FCC has regulations in place to protect you from such nonsense.

Don't even get me started on today's neighborhood associations and their draconian garbage. THERE'S a group that needs to be seriously reigned in.

Durr Fooball

2009-09-15T11:45:00.001-05:00

Place: Incredible Pizza
Lunch: Lunch buffet (some tacos, some pizza, some bbq...) Dr Pepper

(Yes, the goofy title spelling was intentional. I thought it looked fun.)

Ever notice how excited everybody gets about the start of football season? It's a bigger event than any other professional sport. And there's a very good reason for it...Football is the only professional sport that doesn't overstay its welcome. Everybody else has too long a season.

Hockey should be done in March. Basketball in mid-April. Baseball in early September. When I see baseball highlights after football starts, I think "Who cares". (Okay...I think "Who cares" anytime I see baseball, but still...)

For Week 1 of the NFL season, DirecTV did a "Sunday Ticket" free preview. And I learned a valuable lesson from this...Viewing multiple football games is sensory overload. In a bad way.

It's crazy. I'm flipping through like four games and not really getting the gist of any of them.

So don't expect me to fork over the $300 a year for Sunday Ticket. I need to just settle down and watch one game.

I was watching when Cincinnati's non-existent offense marched down the field as Denver played dead and let them score a touchdown. And I was watching when Denver, out of their own clumsiness, inexplicably scored a touchdown of their own, and won the game. Until the end of the game, the scoring was two long field goals. I fully expected a 0-0 tie at the start.

Now don't get me wrong...there's nothing more fun than listening to WLW the day after the Bengals lose, but there's NO way Denver should have won that game. And Denver's my team!

And HOLY COW...What was up with the idiot on the Bills trying to return that kick last night? Was there ANY point in even trying? If that guy isn't unemployed by the end of the day, Buffalo deserves to lose every game this year. The guy may as well have been intentionally throwing that game.

In fact, why is it that so many games will be all but decided in the first half, then the team leading the whole game will roll over and play dead in the last five minutes, allowing for a dramatic finish? How many times do we see this? It happens ALL the time. It drives me NUTS.

Then there was the season kickoff Thursday night, where a half-hour pre-show that had absolutely nothing to do with football aired. The Black-Eyed Peas played a couple of songs. I've heard of the Black-Eyed Peas, but have heard very little of their actual music. I've never quite understood what the deal is. But I get it now...It's a boy band with a girl. And what was the deal with that ridiculous robot song?

Then there was Tim McGraw, who proved that modern "country" music influences begin and end with Lynyrd Skynyrd anymore. And country fashion influences begin and end with the Village People.

Letterman had George Jones on the other night. When he introduced him, he referred to him as the real deal. Real country music. So it was with some mild amusement that I noticed this real country musician had a drummer playing an electronic drum kit. Built by Roland, no less.

I guess I must have known they exist. Neil Peart has had an electronic kit stuck on the back of his regular drum kit (he can just spin on his throne from one kit to the other) for years. But I thought they were just effects toys, not for full-time drumming.

Maybe I should go to the music store and mess around with one. I used to play the drums. If you can plug in a headset and have no noise for the neighbors to complain about, maybe it might be worth having.

Naah.

Fall Preview

2009-08-29T11:45:00.003-05:00

Place: Taco Bueno
Lunch: Mucho Nachos (no tomato), combination burrito, Dr Pepper

Mucho Nachos is a meal unto itself. Not sure why I bothered with the burrito.

We're getting a sneak preview of Fall this coming week. Clear weather, low humidity, low temps. Highs in the mid-60's to low-70's through the week. Lows in the mid-40's to mid-50's. When I get home, I'm opening the windows. The cats will be thrilled.

The signs don't just start with the weather. Football is starting. The local high schools started up regular season this weekend. Colleges next week. NFL the week after. NFL pre-season is all over the dial.

Then there's Garden Ridge, who is starting to put up Christmas stuff.

For the uninitiated, Garden Ridge is like a Pier 1 on steroids. The stores are roughly the size of a Target (in fact, the one I was in this morning IS an old Target building, and Garden Ridge takes up the whole space). They are the ultimate stop for wall art and picture frames. Plus they have vases, candle stuff, some furniture (interior AND patio), mirrors, throw pillows, throw rugs, fake plants, flower pots, discount books and CD's, storage and laundry totes, and an impulse buy area you have to navigate to the check stands that rivals Fry's Electronics. Lots of chips, candy, and "As Seen On TV" crap. I think I counted three knock-off variations of Sham-Wows alone.

"But what about garden stuff?" you ask. No, none to speak of, really. I have no idea why it's called "Garden Ridge".

The whole place is in sort of a thrown together warehouse style. It isn't unusual for whole aisles to be empty of any product as they get ready for changing seasons. There's maybe five employees in the whole place at any one given time.

Stuff comes, stuff goes, and you really can't resist browsing the whole store every time to make sure you don't miss something. I take about an hour to get in and out of the place.

Everything's really cheap too.

Anyway, they have Christmas trees in already. Green ones, white ones, black ones, silver ones, purple ones, orange ones, red ones, pink ones. Not the lights...the actual trees. In blazing color.

I got a couple of clear orange pumpkin candle holders and some frames. And some strawberry Piroulines. Stupid impulse buy aisle.

Tonight, I'll put out the fall accessories and candle stuff. And light up the candles, which I get at Pier 1. You have NO idea how expensive Yankee Candle has gotten until you comparison shop at Pier 1. NO idea.

I love Fall.

Pasta Al Decent

2009-08-26T11:30:00.003-05:00

Place: tesg's Townhouse of Solitude
Lunch: Marie Callenders "Pasta Al Dente" Cavatelli Chicken Carbonara, Dad's root beer (in a glass bottle with real sugar the way God intended), Brown Cow "Cream Top" strawberry yogurt

Have you seen these Marie Callenders "Pasta Al Dente" thingies?

It's a microwave meal that comes packaged in a plastic bowl with a floating basket. The sauce is in the bowl and everything else sits above it and gets steam-cooked from the heat below.

Then you just dump everything in the basket into the bowl and mix it together.

No microwave burn. No crunchy meats or pasta. No punching holes in plastic. No cooking part way and stirring. Put it in, set the time, press "Start", it's done, toss, eat.

Somebody at ConAgra should be proclaimed an international hero.

These are being used in two ConAgra brands...Marie Callenders "Pasta Al Dente" line, and Healthy Choice "Cafe Steamers".

I'm totally into this.

My favorite is Rigatoni Marinara Classico, but there's about five different varietes that I like. They're REALLY good.

Website here. They're under $3.00 at Walmart and Target.

John Hughes

2009-08-06T18:30:00.003-05:00

Place: Texas Roadhouse
Lunch...no, Dinner: 10oz Ft. Worth Ribeye, chili, rice, Rattlesnake Bites, bread, Coke

Every once in awhile you get the right server and the right guy making the steaks and everything is just perfect here. This is one of those nights. Nice.

John Hughes died today, and I felt like waxing philosophical, so it's a rare dinnertime post.

His signature accomplishment will always be "The Breakfast Club". He wrote it. He directed it. He was also responsible for the only other movie you'll remember Molly Ringwald for..."Sixteen Candles".

He was a writer for a couple dozen other things you'd recognize...the "Vacation" movies, the "Home Alone" movies, the "Beethoven" movies, "Pretty in Pink", "Weird Science", "Planes, Trains & Automobiles", amongst others.

So I was a bit surprised to discover I don't own a single one of his movies. In fact, I haven't seen a single thing he's been involved in the past twenty years. In fact, I'm pretty sure it's been at least that long since I've sat down to watch ANY of his movies.

I saw "The Breakfast Club" on TV after it had left its mark on teens and just-past-teens everywhere. I recognize the greatness of it. In its own little way, it was a masterpiece. Still...watched it once, that was enough. I remember when St Elmo's Fire came out, people who knew I'd seen it would ask me "Is it like "The Breakfast Club?" Not because of John Hughes, who had nothing to do with it (it was a Joel Schumacher turd)...but because some of the "Breakfast Club" stars were in it. I couldn't reply, because I hadn't seen "The Breakfast Club" by then.

I saw "Some Kind of Wonderful" largely because of Mary Stuart Masterson. Masterson and her character "Watts" reminded me of Ginger, a girl who was my best friend for about five minutes of my childhood before she got better sense and walked away. People do that with me. A lot. This is why I will never let my cats outside. "Help us! We need a better human!"

I saw "Pretty in Pink". Can't remember a second of it.

If you were to peg me down to a John Hughes favorite, it would have to be "Sixteen Candles". I may have even had a VHS copy of that one for awhile. Upon reflection, Sixteen Candles was more like a light Kevin Smith movie. Maybe I'm just remembering it wrong.

Hughes used to talk about a sequel to "The Breakfast Club" if he could 'just find an excuse to bring that group of people into the same room again'. I thought the 20th high school reunion would be a fascinating study to see how those characters turned out.

I wonder if they'll all be at the funeral.

Wash Me

2009-07-27T13:00:00.000-05:00

Place: Taco Time
Lunch: 2 crispy beef tacos (no tomato), crispy chicken burrito, Coke

Ever have one of those things you need to do but just never get around to?

For, like, a week?

Mine was washing the car. I meant to do it before heading on vacation last week...actually the week before last as of now.

July 16, 2009 - Go to ShortStop to fill up and run through Soaks the Car Wash. Totally forget about Soaks the Car Wash.

July 18, 2009 - Filling up at Maverik in Evanston, WY. Spy the self-car wash next door. Plan to use said self-car wash. Finish filling up, run into store to purchase large soda, run out, leave without washing the car.

July 19, 2009 - Car is rained on. It's a very dirty rain. Poor thing is filthy. Pass dozens of car washes without even thinking about it.

July 21,2009 - Drive to Vegas and back. Look for car washes along the way. Never actually see any.

July 22, 2009 - Notice car is started to be covered in bird poop at Farr West 7-Eleven. Decide to swing by Chevron self-car wash up the highway. Drive by it five minutes later having completely forgotten why.

July 23-24, 2009 - Wake up determined to wash car. Forget the minute I walk out the door.

July 25, 2009 - Drive through heavy downpours in Colorado. Clean rain. Bird poop washes away. Most of the dirt too. Still needs washed though.

July 26, 2009 - I'm so tired and in a bad mood from driving through Nebraska that I just don't care anymore.

July 27, 2009 - Eleven days and seven states later, I finally wash the car.

Now if I could just remember to vacuum it...

Angus

2009-07-22T11:30:00.002-05:00

Place: Wienerschnitzel
Lunch: 100% Angus chili dog, Sea dog, Pepsi

Yes, Wienerschnitzel has a fish dog now. The picture you're drawing in your head is truly frightening. Relax...it's just a long strip of battered deep fried cod served in a hot dog bun with lettuce and tartar sauce. It's quite "der"licious, just as the advertising says.

Wienerschnitzel has jumped on the "Angus" beef bandwagon. Why not...almost all of the hamburger chains have. The new dogs replaced the "100% beef" dogs option that used to be there. They're a buck premium over the regular dogs, and they're much larger than the all-beef dogs they replaced. They're easily the best dogs Wienerschnitzel has ever offered. Well worth the upgrade.

Then there's Eisenberg hot dogs, which I saw at a theatre concession stand are advertising that they're "Angus" AND "Sirloin".

It's gotten completely ridiculous.

So what's the deal here?

"Angus" refers to a breed of hornless cattle that the American Angus Association promotes as having beef of a higher quality. To be certifed as "certified Angus beef", the beef itself has to meet certain criteria. As far as I can tell, there's nothing special about raising or processing practices of said cattle, unlike organic beef. It's just supposedly better beef.

Some regional chains have been using it for years. Back Yard Burgers and Arctic Circle...who use it in everything, even the cheap small hamburgers...are such examples.

A few years ago when Burger King and McDonald's were beating each other up in a dollar menu war, Hardee's abandoned their entire after-breakfast menu in favor of an Angus beef line of burgers called "Thickburgers". It may well have saved the Hardee's brand from extinction. Sister chain Carl's Jr went to Angus beef in their "Six Dollar" line.

Success breeds contempt. Burger King rolled out their own Angus offerings (which they've apparently discontinued in favor of their "steakhouse" line), and now McDonald's even has a line. "Angus" has become the darling catch phrase of modern fast food.

It's not just Hardee's/Carl's Jr though. A whole bunch of former regional chains are making national strides by expanding into strip mall space. If you don't have a Fatburger, Five Guys, or Smashburger near you, look for one soon. The traditional players are trying to keep up with the Jonses, as it were.

I can't decipher any difference in taste of the pure patties, and I find nothing out there suggesting Angus or Sirloin patties are any more healthy than anything else out there. Flavor tends to come down to seasoning and cooking practices (ie. 'fried' vs 'charbroiled'). It's ground beef, for crying out loud. Sure it's dressed up...often in better buns with red onions and maybe premium pickles over the regular offerings, but it's really just flashy marketing to identify an alleged 'premium' product.

Then there's Jack in the Box, who are marketing "Sirloin" burgers. Jack in the Box made fun of "Angus" burgers in a couple of commercials that sort of implied "Angus" had something in common with "Anus". Carl's Jr even tried to sue them over it, which just made it funnier.

It all still comes down to taste for me. The Hardee's/Carl's Jr products are pretty good. The McDonald's "Angus" burgers are absolutely dreadful...WAY too heavily seasoned.

I'll take an "Original Freddy" at Freddy's Frozen Custard over all of them any day of the week. And I don't recall seeing anything "Angus" anywhere on the menu board.

As for the hot dogs, Eisenberg claims their product is made with "100% Black Angus sirloin steak and beef cuts" with a "unique recipe of Worcestershire steak seasoning and the Black Angus Franks are then cooked in smokehouses; the old fashioned way." They claim their dogs "do not contain extenders and meat substitutes such as phosphates, monosodium glutamate (MSG), potato starch, and milk solids."

I suppose I should have tried one.

Oh well. How many hot dogs can one eat in a couple of days, anyway?

Don't answer that.

Indianapolis

2009-07-11T12:00:00.003-05:00

Place: Schroeder's Drive-In
Lunch: Double-Decker, Super Deluxe (no tomato), Pepsi

Never ever in the history of the world have I had a burger here that tasted microwaved.

But these do.

If I had a paper and pen with me, I would have dropped a note in the comment box that said "Lose the microwave".

Last night, my favorite band Over the Rhine played a one-off outdoor show with the Kentucky Symphony Orchestra, covering a few of their tunes, some great American classics, and a couple of unexpected quirky covers. It was an incredible night. Easily the highlight of the summer.

I did a lot of driving this weekend to get to and from this show, part of which required going around Indianapolis. Which prompted me to write this open letter...

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Dear City of Indianapolis,

Recently, I approached your city on Interstate 74, heading east. I was greeted by a sign warning of construction on Interstate 465, the loop that circles your city. It advised to expect frequent delays and suggested to use "alternate routes".

My question is this...WHAT alternate routes?

You can't just take 74 through town because it and 465 are one and the same. There's no way to get to the other interstates that go through town without completely navigating the construction you are warning about. The only option for "alternate routes" that I can see is to drop off the freeway system completely and wander around town.

And what's with the speed limit, anyway? In the non-construction areas (where the speed limit is 45 mph), I-74/465 is 55 mph? Why? There's NOTHING around the south loop of town except wide open six-lane interstate, some distant industrial areas, the airport, and the rare "gas-food-lodging" area. It's one of the most boring half-hour drives there is. It feels like you're crawling in comparison to the 70 mph elsewhere in the state.

There's NO reason for that loop to be any less than 65 or even 70 mph. NONE. Except, of course, "revenue enhancement", which seems to be the going theme here.

I find this terribly ironic considering you are a city known for racing.

It's a good thing I only have to pass through a couple times a year.

You suck,

tesg

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Okay. I feel better now.